Feeling better...
Well, my anxiety over death is subsiding thank God. I was reading over Katie and Allison's journals and realized that they too have had fears of dying. Its just this cold hard truth. It hits you hard and scares you to death. I know. I've been there. The last week I've been having a hard time sleeping at night due to anxiety about death. I have a horribly descriptive imagination and it means for me to imagine that my time is up and my run is done. I do believe that as people this is the hardest thing we must ever encounter or get over...! Realizing that you will no longer exist and that this twist of fate can happen at any moment. This is something we don't control. And that's that. Its scary. My friend and I were just having lunch and she was telling me that she is not afraid of death...when she dies she dies. I think she must be in denial. It will hit her hard one day and it will fill her with anxiety much like it has hit me. According to most therapists, it does this to all of us. Its a phase that we will actually encounter many times thoughout life especially as we age older and older. So, if you think like this from time to time, have no fear its healthy.
Can you believe that school is about to hit us smack dab into our senior year? I'm not ready to go back to school. Oh no. There is just soo much happening this year. So much to work for and so much I fear I will never accomplish. But the good news is that despite sleepless nights and stressful deadlines, all will get done. We can handle anything, and quite frankly we were built for just that.
Last night I went out for a long walk to soak up the dog days of summer. My friend Jess and I walked around the Litchfield neighborhoods asked random questions, talked about our ideal relationship, our ideal man, and so on and so forth. While we were walking Shelby picked up a dead for a while chipmunk and began chewing. We hardly noticed in the midst of our conversation until we heard crunching. Bones ofcourse. Thorougly disgusted we first commanded and then begged for her to spit it out, but to our dismay she swallowed it whole. Later we snuggled onto Stacie's bed with cups of tea to sooth the soul and Sex and the City to awaken the imagination. It was a great night. I ended the evening by sitting at the piano, practicing sight reading and testing my abilities with beautiful pieces such as Romance and Mandy Moore's Only Hope. That one's gonna take me a while though.
Tonight I am off to see a movie with Jess and perhaps Kati if she will join us. I'm getting mentally prepared to make my way back to you folk. Its possible that you all keep me sane in the midst of insanity. I'm not rushing my last week of summer, tho. One more trip to the beach, a couple more nights home in the comfort of my very own bed. Events with friends who know me probably better than I know myself. Being with my family, talking with my mom, joking with my dad, cuddling with my Shelby, seeing my sister as she runs in and out. These are things I'll miss. But Tennessee is made up of its own unique idosyncrocies as well. I'm looking forward to exploring them as well.
Can you believe that school is about to hit us smack dab into our senior year? I'm not ready to go back to school. Oh no. There is just soo much happening this year. So much to work for and so much I fear I will never accomplish. But the good news is that despite sleepless nights and stressful deadlines, all will get done. We can handle anything, and quite frankly we were built for just that.
Last night I went out for a long walk to soak up the dog days of summer. My friend Jess and I walked around the Litchfield neighborhoods asked random questions, talked about our ideal relationship, our ideal man, and so on and so forth. While we were walking Shelby picked up a dead for a while chipmunk and began chewing. We hardly noticed in the midst of our conversation until we heard crunching. Bones ofcourse. Thorougly disgusted we first commanded and then begged for her to spit it out, but to our dismay she swallowed it whole. Later we snuggled onto Stacie's bed with cups of tea to sooth the soul and Sex and the City to awaken the imagination. It was a great night. I ended the evening by sitting at the piano, practicing sight reading and testing my abilities with beautiful pieces such as Romance and Mandy Moore's Only Hope. That one's gonna take me a while though.
Tonight I am off to see a movie with Jess and perhaps Kati if she will join us. I'm getting mentally prepared to make my way back to you folk. Its possible that you all keep me sane in the midst of insanity. I'm not rushing my last week of summer, tho. One more trip to the beach, a couple more nights home in the comfort of my very own bed. Events with friends who know me probably better than I know myself. Being with my family, talking with my mom, joking with my dad, cuddling with my Shelby, seeing my sister as she runs in and out. These are things I'll miss. But Tennessee is made up of its own unique idosyncrocies as well. I'm looking forward to exploring them as well.