I passed....
Well, after doubting myself, as always, I passed piano proficiency. At least I'm not walking away a complete failure this year. I have been working extremely hard all year long. Sometimes, like in music theory, it doesn't pay off. I hate that feeling. The grade reflected makes it look like I didn't try at all. This is most definately not the case. But...it doesn't matter what I did, it matters what will appear on my transcript. Its awful. Its defeat. And that's a color I just do not wear well. I hate the thought of failure. I can't accept it. I just don't. Today I was pacing back in forth in the FAC while waiting nervously to do my piano jury, when somebody asked me why I was so nervous. I told him that I was deathly afraid to fail. He asked, "What happens if you fail?" I said, "Nothing, I just fail." I just hate the thought. Its such a fear. Something I have never completely overcome this fear. And in order to do what I do with my talent...I need to. In due time perhaps.
I don't know. Unfortunately I have to face this fear all week. Failure isn't just a thing for me. If it happens, I have let myself down...I did not work hard enough...I'm just not good enough. Or so I think. I hate this week. As we all do. I'm just saying...I hate more than anybody. Hehe. God Bless you ladies. Best of luck throughout exam week.
I don't know. Unfortunately I have to face this fear all week. Failure isn't just a thing for me. If it happens, I have let myself down...I did not work hard enough...I'm just not good enough. Or so I think. I hate this week. As we all do. I'm just saying...I hate more than anybody. Hehe. God Bless you ladies. Best of luck throughout exam week.