Give me a pound or a hug.
The women in my family are crazy, they should be studied and put in some sort of master text book on the use of manipulation and control. They do it beautifully, flawlessly and without skipping a beat in the conversation. You won't even know what's hit you until you realize that everything they give to you will be paid back in time. Every kind gesture you think is their love for you, is only something that is borrowed. I feel that this is one of the most disgusting revelations I have had about human nature and about the nature of those I love. There is really no going back from it. I would give anything to anyone if they needed it, out of love... I expect nothing from anyone. I would never place these sort of restrictions on a person.How can you do that?
No one has talked to my mom in a week and a half. I want to be worried but I can not force myself to be. I have spent too many nights of my life worried sick, thinking that she was in the hospital.. dead. or dying. Hit by a drunk driver, been the drunk driver, beat up. Fuck this. She is always fine she leads a charmed life, incredibly charmed. She had her court date last week and she isn't going to jail or rehab. She got probation with a suspended license, and used my grandmothers illness I am sure to her full advantage. She isn't moving to Ohio to take care of her mother she is moving to Ohio for a man.
I never want to be told that I need to be practical again, I deserve to not be. I deserve to be happy. It's so lucky that I am so certain in this, Because so few seem to be. I have been taking care of people my whole life. No joke, I have been holding my family together by a thread. I am the back bone of that family it is my spine and spirit that have been broken by the will of someone meant to care and mend. My mother never did either.
Things I learned in the past weeks,
My dad died of a methadone overdose.
My mother got married because she was extremely pregnant, my grandmother wasn't even invited to the wedding.
On the bright side,
Tomorrow I am going to eat mushrooms at the magic kingdom and trip my face off.I deserve this, it will be an amazing day.
I have lost 21lbs to date.
I may have a safe place to live in the fall.
My back is getting better.
I have so much to be thankful for, I am trying so hard to remember that.
No one has talked to my mom in a week and a half. I want to be worried but I can not force myself to be. I have spent too many nights of my life worried sick, thinking that she was in the hospital.. dead. or dying. Hit by a drunk driver, been the drunk driver, beat up. Fuck this. She is always fine she leads a charmed life, incredibly charmed. She had her court date last week and she isn't going to jail or rehab. She got probation with a suspended license, and used my grandmothers illness I am sure to her full advantage. She isn't moving to Ohio to take care of her mother she is moving to Ohio for a man.
I never want to be told that I need to be practical again, I deserve to not be. I deserve to be happy. It's so lucky that I am so certain in this, Because so few seem to be. I have been taking care of people my whole life. No joke, I have been holding my family together by a thread. I am the back bone of that family it is my spine and spirit that have been broken by the will of someone meant to care and mend. My mother never did either.
Things I learned in the past weeks,
My dad died of a methadone overdose.
My mother got married because she was extremely pregnant, my grandmother wasn't even invited to the wedding.
On the bright side,
Tomorrow I am going to eat mushrooms at the magic kingdom and trip my face off.I deserve this, it will be an amazing day.
I have lost 21lbs to date.
I may have a safe place to live in the fall.
My back is getting better.
I have so much to be thankful for, I am trying so hard to remember that.