Poor Uki-chan

Nov 02, 2009 19:07

Title: Everybody Loves Ukitake
Fandom: Bleach
Characters/Pairings: Ukitake; Most of the thirteen captains/Ukitake
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Poor humor, amazing shampoo, horny captains
Author Note: Kink memes inspire me for fandoms and I was hoping to get in the mood for some crack so I could finish Daddy's thingy and came across this. It's not very good, rushed and more crack than anything, but poor Uki.
Summary: A Captain's Meeting Jushirou Ukitake will never forget.

Captain's meetings were dull beyond compare. Even those like Captains Kuchiki and Unohana found their attention wavering and Kenpachi had never really been cooperative and while Aizen appeared to be attentive, there was something glittering behind those eyes that spoke the words 'dream land'. Gin was obvious and Soi Fon, crossing her arms occasionally, especially during the times when Head Captain Yamamoto ended up going into a doze shorty after calling them there, couldn't hide it either.

It was with great surprise, he noticed, that eyes had found him, some inconspicuously, others not so much. Yamamoto's necessity of the meeting may have seemed small, but nonetheless important. Kyouraku's eyes always strayed--he never seemed to stop staring, speaking some non-verbal language that Ukitake would shudder to say out loud.

What struck him as odd was that beside him, Byakuya's eyes had trained on him, unusual, resembling one of Aizen's far-off, day-dreaming looks that seemed so out of place. As if he realized he was staring, he stopped, turned back to glaring at Komamura in front of him and shoved his hands in his sleeves. He tilted his head in slight concern. Maybe it was the lighting, but there was a color that looked so out of place on that pale skin. Maybe he wasn't feeling well?

He watched for a moment longer, ignoring Shunsui's roaming eyes, to see if, perhaps, he should ask for a recess. But the feeling of eyes from above him certainly did distract him from the young, slightly flushed captain across the way. He blinked up at Kenpachi who too, quickly looked away, grinning about something, but never learning what, exactly it was when he turned away from him.

The helmet of Sajin Komamura was hard to describe, but he knew when that slit he presumed his eyes peered out was tilted in his direction, he knew something was wrong. Was there something on his face? Did he put something on wrong? Was there a sign on his back? He tapped his face, glanced down at his clothes and tried to feel for a sign on his back--nothing.

"Is something wrong, Ukitake?" Yamamoto asked, voice stern.

Gin, Aizen and Tousen peered around the larger shinigami and he could feel the heat rise to his face when Gin licked his lips. There had to be something in the air... everyone was acting strangely today. "N-no. My apologies, Head Captain."

For a brief period, all attention had been back on the Head Captain who was explaining the state of the Seireitei when he noticed it again. Byakuya, Kenpachi, even Tousen had all lost their interest with what was being said and tried, he supposed, to inconspicuously watch him. Was there someone behind him, maybe? No, nothing...

How very odd... he wasn't wearing a new cologne, he was dressed the same. Well, Kiyone did bring him a new shampoo...

"Hey, old man, you done?" Kenpachi growled.

"Mind your place, Zaraki," Byakuya reprimanded.

"Now, now, you were staring too, sixth squad captain. Don't be jealous," Gin twittered.

"You shouldn't tease, Gin," Aizen chided gently.

"Silence!"

Silence did fall. Kenpachi grunted, shifting uncomfortably beside him. Byakuya closed his eyes, though his coloring seemed to deepen an iota. Gin shrugged and Aizen nodded to the captain to continue. Komamura snapped his attention away the moment the Head Captain picked up where he left off.

It wasn't long before quite a few of them were getting restless. The stares had become slightly more heated and every time one would sway just enough to brush another, it'd start a chain reaction among the men of the room who'd shiver or almost jump. Maybe something had gone around the room...

"Excuse me, Head Captain," Gin interrupted, bowing politely. "May I be excused? I have to find the little boy's room."

Hitsugaya, silent the whole time, and one of four captains who hadn't spent the entire time staring at him, spoke up. "Right. It's not that much longer."

"I, too, must go," Byakuya intervened, looking at no one but the Head Captain.

"If they get ta go, I'm outta here." Kenpachi, unlike the others, didn't wait for dismissal, heading for the door rather awkwardly.

"Brute," Tousen muttered, though he didn't wait for the dismissal. Ukitake was sure he was blind, but something about the gaze on him, seeing or unseeing, chilled him and the pace of the justice-seeker quickened that much more. Wherever Kaname Tousen went, Sajin Komamura was sure to follow and the yellow eyes that peered through stared at Ukitake with hunger before he reluctantly turned away and disappeared behind the door.

"It seems measures will have to be taken upon them. Anyone else wish to leave before I've finished?" The end of the walking staff of Shigekuni Genryuusai Yamamoto slammed on the floor. Gin moved back in line, smile faltering just a bit and he could have sworn he'd seen the stoic flinch across the way.

The meeting went on, third division captain fidgeting, fifth shifting away from the movements while six seemed intent on hiding himself in his haori. Eight had no shame. Shunsui never seemed to really care much what someone thought of him.

It was Unohana to interrupt the third time. "Head Captain, I believe Captain Kuchiki has a fever."

All eyes found said Captain who obviously didn't care for the attention. "No such thing."

"It is a little warm in here. Perhaps some fresh air will do us all good," Aizen suggested.

The Head Captain seemed to have given up at this point. Byakuya was the first to exit the room, glaring at Ukitake as he passed, seeming to blame him for something. Gin and Aizen were quick to follow and Shunsui followed behind the fourth division captain at a liesurely pace.

"Kukuku..." Mayuri smiled over at him. "It seems it works."

Jushirou narrowed his eyes and stared hard at the scientist, but followed the procession. It wasn't until that night he learned just exactly what it meant and he promptly dumped the shampoo down the drain. Another one of Kurotsuchi's new inventions, supposedly asked for by the women's association who agreed to give him the Men's Association's funding if he did it--something to attract men. Judging from Shunsui's amused recounting of the meeting, every eye had been on him, every man aroused and the only thing holding them together was... well, he had no idea what, but Ukitake decided he'd avoid them until he knew that the shampoo was completely washed out.

bleach, captain's meeting, ukitake, jushirou

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