[one year anniversary]
anyhow, yeah.
the one-year anniversary of me owning my own home came and went on the 2nd, and I didn't say anything about it, but I wanted to... so now, I did:
=)
well, I've reached a milestone.
I've owned my own home for a year now.
a YEAR!
crazy, but true...
so much has happened, but overall, I'm happy with the (small, but at least somewhat) progress I've made.
my house is still not "done", but like the work that piles ever-higher on my desk, I don't really foresee a point where I'll just be looking around thinking "man, there is NOTHING else left to do! I'm DONE! .. time to put up the old feet and chill"... so... I just take a moment anyway to put those feet up (at home, anyhow) periodically and temporarily ignore the mountain of growing things that need my attention.
anyhow, I think I've done alot to the place, and overall achieved to some extent the HOMEY and WELCOME-ing feeling that I really wanted to. for myself, and for others. this house was/is meant to be, for me.. a real place of security, or at least, what best security I can achieve for myself. I know nothing is ever permanent, and things happen out of your control, but as much as can be, this is place is MY place.
I do what I want whether that's nothing but laying on my couch in a semi-comatose state, or something loud, raucous and outrageous... I can do either, because it's MY Home.
I know that some people think owning a house is just a way to be boxed into some old time thinking, about 'owning' a parcel of the planet and being part of that whole "rat race/obsession with 'things'/being suckered by The Man" kinda thinking, but to them, I say.. don't knock it til you tried it. It may not be a castle, but it's my comfort place. my refuge. It's my home base. It's where I go back to zero and can erase the stress of the day and find haven and reset and recharge for the next one. It feels like roots to me. Like my secret lair where I recharge my superpowers and can go on to fight another day!
Realistically as it is though, yeah, sure.. it's hard. It's a strain... I can barely make my mortgage payment with any dollars to spare... but yet, I do. I may not be able to jet off to Tahiti with the spare cash in my bank account at a moment's notice... I may not be able to buy eveything else I want or think I want, but.. I get by. I pay all my bills myself. I don't ask my parents for help, I get by. And I'm not doing it by only eating Easy Mac everynight,.. so that's something.
I still want to get that black leather couch from the store down the street. I still want to get some furniture in the second bedroom. I still want to get some bookshelves and cushy chairs and make the second (not used as a bed-)room a library... but then I was also thinking of making it a tiny little photog type studio... which would be kool too... *sigh*... that's all extraneous though. It's extra. It's ABOVE and beyond my normal expenditures, so.. maybe not NOW, but... slowly but surely?
I HAVE done the livingroom. I'm pretty happy with that. I still could use that awesome rug I am looking at, but again, that guy is an extra $100 bucks, lump. I guess I could charge it, but I'm not one for credit cards. Maybe I should be? Bleggh... I also have my room semi the way I want it, but my bed is a haven of enveloping comfort, which makes me immeasurably happy. Same with my office. I finally got alot of the unpacked (or emptied but not stowed in the garage) boxes gone from the office and my computer, and all that.. entire environment just makes me soooooooooooo happy....
it may not be the biggest, or newest, or fanciest, or swankiest, but it's mine. it's me. it's decorated with stuff that makes me happy. it's what I like, how I like, when I like, if I like. that alone is something major, for me.
It's definitely something I'm glad I did.
I try to enjoy the simple joys of what I have around me, and really appreciate them.. you know? I swing on my front porch.. and look ath the moonlight illuminating the leaves of the trees above as their leaves rustle in the breeze... it's goodtimes.
slowly things are blooming into what I would like them too. sometimes the results are a surprise, but generally I see progress...
baby steps... maybe wobbly toddler steps?... that's what I feel like. I feel like I am FINALLY Me. finally growing into the real ME... you know?
Usually that's pretty good. I just still wish sometimes that I had someone there to SHOW all my whatever.. accomplishments... to. What good is a baby step if no one is there to cheer you on? I dunno, I guess I still get lonely.. of course, because when all is said and done.. I AM alone. but , even so.. I'd rather be this person.. happy and alone with me.. than with someone and NOT me.
so.. "happy", whatever.. what passes for that in the real world.. it's an im-permanent state, but.. still... what I would call it.
so.. though I'm troubled by some things more than most, and some thoughts weigh on my mind, especially lately...
gatorland (an icon in florida tourism) burned down today, which simultaneously reminded me about nothing being permanent, and about things being out of your control sometimes, and about (when I drove past it, and saw/smelled all that smoke) some reminders from that 9/11 smoke/smells which as you know, still "bug" me. even so, with all these extraneous weird thoughts swirling around in there...
overall, at least about one year of homeownership... I'm happy.
=)