(no subject)
Hey
so I dont want to be that girl
and I dont like a lot of the things. Like I dont understand why I do some of the things that I do...
or how i can not understand how my actions affect the people that care about me
or how i could risk losing something so valuable
I guess when it comes down to it I'm just not as strong as I wish I was. I'm probably not strong enough to care as much as I do about people
usually i feel sick the next day...and I still dont feel sick about it
but im slowly moving from shock to feeling kind of angry at myself and at him.
Like i want to just forget about it
almost want to say
whatever at least i had fun
but hurting other people is not fun. And i could be those people that do ridiculous things and cheat and have crazy stories to tell. Like that they slept with their best friend's wife...or daughter's boyfriend
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't want to be a slave to that kind of thing. Maybe that's being prude and not being able to celebrate and enjoy whatever.
But I can't live my life for those stupid little things. That's not the person I want to be..
I also am not looking for love. I'm not looking to fall in love, or meet anybody, or belong to anybody else. I want to be alone. I want to belong to myself forever.
there are so many things that I need to say. But more than that, i wish i could take it back so I could not be that person.
so I dont want to be that girl
and I dont like a lot of the things. Like I dont understand why I do some of the things that I do...
or how i can not understand how my actions affect the people that care about me
or how i could risk losing something so valuable
I guess when it comes down to it I'm just not as strong as I wish I was. I'm probably not strong enough to care as much as I do about people
usually i feel sick the next day...and I still dont feel sick about it
but im slowly moving from shock to feeling kind of angry at myself and at him.
Like i want to just forget about it
almost want to say
whatever at least i had fun
but hurting other people is not fun. And i could be those people that do ridiculous things and cheat and have crazy stories to tell. Like that they slept with their best friend's wife...or daughter's boyfriend
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't want to be a slave to that kind of thing. Maybe that's being prude and not being able to celebrate and enjoy whatever.
But I can't live my life for those stupid little things. That's not the person I want to be..
I also am not looking for love. I'm not looking to fall in love, or meet anybody, or belong to anybody else. I want to be alone. I want to belong to myself forever.
there are so many things that I need to say. But more than that, i wish i could take it back so I could not be that person.