The pain in my head umm hurts

[sincitysyco]

Well I dunno I sometimes feel I really hate my memory because I seem to remember things at the wrong times. It starts will a small thought then leads into others which drive me slowly insane and I just want to crawl into a bottle and forget my pains. I dunno why its so hard to forget. I unfortunately found some pictures I never wanted to see. I then was told not to look way to far after I saw what was there and then she told me she wanted to save some that where on there, Which made an unsettling feel in me. I don’t know how to react to this I guess its normal I dunno I am just in so much pain right now. I am in pain. I need to relax and stop thinking as the nightmares keep flooding in. *sigh* funny how I can make the demons leave people and there pains leave. But I can’t get ride of my own. I can’t be affected by evil spirits but I am haunted by my own self. I can say as right now she has helped me a lot I can now sleep again and I have been feeling a lot better. Unfortunately it takes time to heal all the emotions I’ve gone through. I wish I could stop these thoughts i figure that writing them down might help. I don’t have any doubt about my love or anything like that just an unsettling feel that I have. It will pass as most do only the horrible ones seem to stay. Which are slowly fading as I am here. I dunno I’m just ranting and rambling now I guess I should just relax.
My 4th wasn’t bad at all I had a great time I went swimming and then had some great sex like twice. And I am looking forward to the 3rd tonight. Hehe we also went to the bar had a few drinks and played pool she beat me again. HEHE she says she doesn’t play well yet she keeps winning I dunno soon she’ll be like let’s play a dollar a ball. Hehe well I’m going to smoke again as its helping my head stop hurting then I’m going to watch TV or play some video games. I’m off.