My Epilogue to My Life of Music
I'm not going to lie. Going shows makes me realize how much I use to have and how it just fell apart. I guess it was never meant to be and everyone could say I told you so. I was so close to saying fuck you to everyone who doubted me, I could taste it. Now, in less than a moments notice it disappeared. I don't have something I love anymore. It's gone, and I'm pretty close to positive that I will never get that back. Because everything I want someday, no one else seems to want anymore. And it's sad.
Now I'm reduced to looking for alternatives and settling for so much less. But, what I do have is a good thing, my relationship that is. We are prospering and we continue to amaze each other everyday. I just thank god that he gave me that much. I guess I can't be one of the lucky ones who wins the lottery or gets an easy out. Nor do I have a problem with anyone who does. But I've always long for something more, and I don't think that it'll ever happen to me.
So, I struggle to move on and leave behind every I once knew. Because in honestly now, its just a dream, and I can't believe in myself anymore to make it a reality. So in a nutshell, that part of my heart is crushed. I'm glad it finally hit me, because now I can fully move on from it, because for awhile there was a hope in me that maybe one day it would happen again. But now I'm positive my dreams hold no future for me. I appreciate everyone who helped me and supported me along the way. But I'm beginning to realize that this dream holds no place for me. I am not destined for great things, and I guess I never was. As sad as it is, i'm learning to live with that, when just a few months earlier, I would never have settled for less.
I'm not going to lie. This sucks. But I have a great woman and an amazing family for support and thats all I need. But if I could have gone back knowing what I do now. Things would be different. I guess there is no use living in the past.
Goodbye.
Now I'm reduced to looking for alternatives and settling for so much less. But, what I do have is a good thing, my relationship that is. We are prospering and we continue to amaze each other everyday. I just thank god that he gave me that much. I guess I can't be one of the lucky ones who wins the lottery or gets an easy out. Nor do I have a problem with anyone who does. But I've always long for something more, and I don't think that it'll ever happen to me.
So, I struggle to move on and leave behind every I once knew. Because in honestly now, its just a dream, and I can't believe in myself anymore to make it a reality. So in a nutshell, that part of my heart is crushed. I'm glad it finally hit me, because now I can fully move on from it, because for awhile there was a hope in me that maybe one day it would happen again. But now I'm positive my dreams hold no future for me. I appreciate everyone who helped me and supported me along the way. But I'm beginning to realize that this dream holds no place for me. I am not destined for great things, and I guess I never was. As sad as it is, i'm learning to live with that, when just a few months earlier, I would never have settled for less.
I'm not going to lie. This sucks. But I have a great woman and an amazing family for support and thats all I need. But if I could have gone back knowing what I do now. Things would be different. I guess there is no use living in the past.
Goodbye.