Finally, an update!
Chaos. Pure chaos. But it's fun!
Scholarships, scholarships, scholarships. What a pain. But it seems to be working! My incentive is a car and a laptop. wahoo.
Modazz auditions were yesterday and today. As the Modazz seniors were preparing the initiation for the new Modazz members (which they should find out verrry shortly :D), stressful, but that's Modazz for ya. Haha, I'm juggling two first hours. Gotta love it.
Had a talk today also... which in a way restored me and tore me apart at the very same time. It wasn't the intention, just a simple conversation, but the effect on me was great. It took both Modazz and that conversation for it to finally hit me today; this moving on thing is going to suck. Starting over. And there's so many directions I want to go in, but I fear that I can't... hmm. So now I think I have decided I'm going to double major, because there is NO way I can pick just one thing and go with that the rest of my life, which I already knew, but I didn't know if it was physically, mentally, etc. possible to do what I want to do. People kept telling me I shouldn't, that I might end up ruining my life due to the high demand of work school will put on me. But that was my problem. For the past few months I have internally been unhappy with where I was going, what I wanted to do, and I couldn't figure out why. I always thought it had to do with a few minor things (which didn't necessarily subtract from the problem), and then I would push it aside, waiting for a better day or some sort of miracle to point me in the direction I used to want to go in. Recently, I suddenly found that what once used to be a major passion of mine was now just something I didn't even want to think about. It angered, disappointed, and saddened me to think of it; I didn't know why. These past few days I have been struggling with this dilemma, internally of course, trying to find the solution. I was so disappointed in myself- for more than that issue with direction, but just how I don't push myself harder to become better. Then I realized, I do push myself, too hard, to the point of exhaustion... and it's because I'm the only one that must do it all herself. Everyone around me has help whenever they need it. That's one thing. And then that certain direction I want to travel and experience... I have just been listening to everyone else who have only spoken with thoughts of themselves... not necessarily about what I could do and what I could push myself to do. And therein lies the solution. I am an idiot. Only listen to your heart, or true happiness will find itself scarce. And there really is no point in doing that. So. I'm going to do everything I have ever wanted to do and still want to do, and nobody is going to stop me. Unless they kill me or something, which I hope doesn't happen until I'm like 80 haha. Morbid thought... Anyways!
I'm auditioning for Disney's Beauty and the Beast, a musical. That should be interesting! I'll be singing "Think of Me" By Christine in The Phantom of the Opera, with piano accompaniment. Exciting and scary at the same time, since I have never really sang in front of another person, besides my old choir teacher. Hmm... I need to write my resume, get headshots, annnnd I think that's it... Oh! find the score to that song... yikes. This occurs this upcoming Tuesday! Wish me luck...
I must take the ACT's this Saturday... haven't prepared at all... I'm doing worse than when I took the SAT's. Yikes. I just have no time... lol.
Anyone planning on going to the Modazz Concert on Thursday, May 5th, 2005, you are now able to purchase tickets from me! $5! See me whenever!! It'll be our best show yet.. and I'm Not just saying that! I'm so excited!!
I keep forgetting about All-State! I have no time to practice for Symphonic let alone that. Ugh. what a pain... idk I think it's in like a week or something. I need to get my act together :-/
What else, what else... There's so much, I can't even think! haha. Such a great life! I really love it. But then again, the point is to make it how you want it! That's what is so fun, you can create whatever you want... it's like a makeover haha. Welllll I'm out for now... going to see The Music Man! My sister is in it, singing! How fricken cute is that?