what do the sweet juices of revenge taste like, bitch?
I am so stoned right now. I guess I should write a really long entry, right? A really long, rambling and incoherent stoned entry? Is that what you want?
I don't know where to start; I could come out the gates whining or I could talk about the fun I've been having, they are both applicable, but the fun is kind of only MORE fun because there is so much to whine about. Fun becomes IRONIC.
Fun thing: finally, I have found a massively cool art gallery where I can get fucked up on weed and mushrooms and make out with people while contemplating the nature of humanity. I went to this crazy party there the other night and a crazy party there last night and I swear, the whole thing was just balanced on the edge of erupting into a huge orgy. I was all, "I wonder what Miss Manners would say proper etiquette is for starting an orgy." That's how insane this place is. I was there with WHN and also one of my best friends in New York, let's call her LNGT (Let's Not Go There) and her boyfriend, and by the end of last night's LNGT was flirting with me and WHN thought she was looking for a foursome. ….interesting….
Here's part of the bad but also should be filed under "What the FUCK???":
I think he is going to dump me.
*I* think *HE* is going to dump *ME*.
Yes, say it with me now: "What…the…FUCK?"
But no. Oh no, I don't think so. I don't think I should make this so easy on him, do you? No no, that would be a horrible idea.
I could get into the reasons for which he is probably going to dump me, but this is almost too obvious (the whole "my first girlfriend totally hurt me in a long drawn-out relationship just when I started to open my heart up to her so now I'm going to do the same thing to every other women I can" bullshit that I could have told you from day one!).
It's subtle, it's very subtle how I can tell, but I can tell. He can't logically know that I can tell, so I'll be damned if I let this opportunity to make him suffer pass me by. Because let me remind you: he only wants to suffer. It's because I haven't been making him suffer that he's getting bored.
Oh, there have been clues. His half-assedness has been creeping up just as much as usual, so I guess I can't say that it was that. But take example today, as I was leaving his house, and he made a point of making sure I didn't forget my dress (I leave a few items of clothing there now and then, I guess I broke the CARDINAL RULE) and THEN, I saw this one TELLTALE GLANCE, where he glanced at this ugly coat I left there last week and haven't felt like removing. He didn't say anything, but I saw the glance, and I thought: He's trying to avoid the post-breakup "stuff exchange", and I thought, Fuck, I really need to steal some of his CDs. Including but not limited to:
Fiona Apple: When the Pawn
Radiohead: Hail to the Thief
Bjork: Post
all his Tom Waits
all his Nirvana
Then as we left, he was going to get some juice and I was like:
"Maybe I'll get a bagel there or something."
"Well, I was really just getting a juice. And rather than a bagel I'd kind of need a whole meal later, so why don't I just take you to the train?"
Maybe he was slightly less rude in his argument than that, but anyway, it dawned on me: He's meeting someone for dinner. Or at any rate, wherever he was going, he didn't want to have to invite me or anything.
He said he was going to Brooklyn later, he started singing one of his songs that I think is about going back to Brooklyn, as in leaving some chick because he wanted to keep his balls, and it was like "ding, ding," Peter has denied Christ like three times here, it's that apparent. I started hitting this bag I was holding on some trash cans and railings and stuff. He'd given me the bag to put my dress in, and I said that it looked like a Christmas bag, and I'd thought about how nice it was that Christmas was on the way and all. Now I was abusing the bag, and he looked at me not like, "You're so cute, you crazy bitch" but more like "Fuck, she's on to me, isn't she?" and he said "Are you taking out some aggression?" and I said, "What would I be taking it out for?" and he said, "Because you want your lollipop?" and I said, "Yes, because I want my lollipop," and he said, "I thought I gave you what you wanted earlier, eh?"
"Yes, that's what every woman wants." I started rattling off his mantra. "It's what every woman NEEDS. A woman's not a woman without it. She can pretend she doesn't want it, but she NEEDS it." He did not seem entirely amused as the monologue was not entirely devoid of mockery.
Blah blah blah, NO, I don't think that this is the way for this to play out. Not at all.
Maybe he's just being the biggest ass EVER, not wanting to deal with me when I have other stuff going on, medical tests and the like, oh he would deserve to suffer THEN.
Shit though, I can't decide what to do. I could just let him dump me. Wouldn't that be the better revenge anyway, because OBVIOUSLY he's just going to regret it for years and years and years, especially when I'm famous, especially when he goes bald shortly and he can only get ugly chicks and even then it would be a task. A small sample of reasons I am the best he will ever have:
· I'm smart
· I'm funny
· everyone likes me (except I guess his roommate)
· I'm a fun drunk
· I give great blowjobs
· People are 90% more likely to look at him because I am on his arm
· I'm ten years younger than him
· I don't ask him to shave his back hair
· I'm going to be really fucking rich
· I like chicks, too
So if I do dump him, would that be such excellent revenge? Will he regret it the same? Well, maybe if I make it absolutely clear that this is all his fault. See, if I do start giving him shit, if I do dump him, he's going to go after me again, because that's how men of his type work. Maybe I don't even want him anymore. Maybe I can just delete his number from my cell and stop answering my phone for awhile. And move and then he'll just go crazy with desire.
I don't know where to start; I could come out the gates whining or I could talk about the fun I've been having, they are both applicable, but the fun is kind of only MORE fun because there is so much to whine about. Fun becomes IRONIC.
Fun thing: finally, I have found a massively cool art gallery where I can get fucked up on weed and mushrooms and make out with people while contemplating the nature of humanity. I went to this crazy party there the other night and a crazy party there last night and I swear, the whole thing was just balanced on the edge of erupting into a huge orgy. I was all, "I wonder what Miss Manners would say proper etiquette is for starting an orgy." That's how insane this place is. I was there with WHN and also one of my best friends in New York, let's call her LNGT (Let's Not Go There) and her boyfriend, and by the end of last night's LNGT was flirting with me and WHN thought she was looking for a foursome. ….interesting….
Here's part of the bad but also should be filed under "What the FUCK???":
I think he is going to dump me.
*I* think *HE* is going to dump *ME*.
Yes, say it with me now: "What…the…FUCK?"
But no. Oh no, I don't think so. I don't think I should make this so easy on him, do you? No no, that would be a horrible idea.
I could get into the reasons for which he is probably going to dump me, but this is almost too obvious (the whole "my first girlfriend totally hurt me in a long drawn-out relationship just when I started to open my heart up to her so now I'm going to do the same thing to every other women I can" bullshit that I could have told you from day one!).
It's subtle, it's very subtle how I can tell, but I can tell. He can't logically know that I can tell, so I'll be damned if I let this opportunity to make him suffer pass me by. Because let me remind you: he only wants to suffer. It's because I haven't been making him suffer that he's getting bored.
Oh, there have been clues. His half-assedness has been creeping up just as much as usual, so I guess I can't say that it was that. But take example today, as I was leaving his house, and he made a point of making sure I didn't forget my dress (I leave a few items of clothing there now and then, I guess I broke the CARDINAL RULE) and THEN, I saw this one TELLTALE GLANCE, where he glanced at this ugly coat I left there last week and haven't felt like removing. He didn't say anything, but I saw the glance, and I thought: He's trying to avoid the post-breakup "stuff exchange", and I thought, Fuck, I really need to steal some of his CDs. Including but not limited to:
Fiona Apple: When the Pawn
Radiohead: Hail to the Thief
Bjork: Post
all his Tom Waits
all his Nirvana
Then as we left, he was going to get some juice and I was like:
"Maybe I'll get a bagel there or something."
"Well, I was really just getting a juice. And rather than a bagel I'd kind of need a whole meal later, so why don't I just take you to the train?"
Maybe he was slightly less rude in his argument than that, but anyway, it dawned on me: He's meeting someone for dinner. Or at any rate, wherever he was going, he didn't want to have to invite me or anything.
He said he was going to Brooklyn later, he started singing one of his songs that I think is about going back to Brooklyn, as in leaving some chick because he wanted to keep his balls, and it was like "ding, ding," Peter has denied Christ like three times here, it's that apparent. I started hitting this bag I was holding on some trash cans and railings and stuff. He'd given me the bag to put my dress in, and I said that it looked like a Christmas bag, and I'd thought about how nice it was that Christmas was on the way and all. Now I was abusing the bag, and he looked at me not like, "You're so cute, you crazy bitch" but more like "Fuck, she's on to me, isn't she?" and he said "Are you taking out some aggression?" and I said, "What would I be taking it out for?" and he said, "Because you want your lollipop?" and I said, "Yes, because I want my lollipop," and he said, "I thought I gave you what you wanted earlier, eh?"
"Yes, that's what every woman wants." I started rattling off his mantra. "It's what every woman NEEDS. A woman's not a woman without it. She can pretend she doesn't want it, but she NEEDS it." He did not seem entirely amused as the monologue was not entirely devoid of mockery.
Blah blah blah, NO, I don't think that this is the way for this to play out. Not at all.
Maybe he's just being the biggest ass EVER, not wanting to deal with me when I have other stuff going on, medical tests and the like, oh he would deserve to suffer THEN.
Shit though, I can't decide what to do. I could just let him dump me. Wouldn't that be the better revenge anyway, because OBVIOUSLY he's just going to regret it for years and years and years, especially when I'm famous, especially when he goes bald shortly and he can only get ugly chicks and even then it would be a task. A small sample of reasons I am the best he will ever have:
· I'm smart
· I'm funny
· everyone likes me (except I guess his roommate)
· I'm a fun drunk
· I give great blowjobs
· People are 90% more likely to look at him because I am on his arm
· I'm ten years younger than him
· I don't ask him to shave his back hair
· I'm going to be really fucking rich
· I like chicks, too
So if I do dump him, would that be such excellent revenge? Will he regret it the same? Well, maybe if I make it absolutely clear that this is all his fault. See, if I do start giving him shit, if I do dump him, he's going to go after me again, because that's how men of his type work. Maybe I don't even want him anymore. Maybe I can just delete his number from my cell and stop answering my phone for awhile. And move and then he'll just go crazy with desire.