woah, i'm a nutcase today
Um, I'm probably never having kids. At least not for a long, long time. I realized this weekend after like 24 hours with one kid, that I simply am not capable of sacrificing that much sanity. Like, a KID would be easier, but an infant or toddler? You have to watch them like the whole time or they'll run into shit and hurt or easily kill themselves! Profound epiphany: a kid is not a pet.
I had to take the Plan B pill this week (um, yeah. Twice. I'm not going to talk about that.) so I had to also take a pregnancy test today, which was NEGATIVE, thank GOD. I mean it's still possible that I took the test too early, but not probable. At any rate, I decided after this weekend that although I don't like the idea of abortion and I think that in a perfect world it would not exist and yeah you're kind of killing something, I would probably have one if I got pregnant at this time in my life. I'm just too selfish to have kids.
I mean, just looking at the parents of this kid I was watching is enough to scare you. They have good lives, you know, a settled marriage and lots of money, but still they have to watch this kid constantly. They wake up before seven in the morning and they bicker over him (I don't know if this is a consequence of parenting or marriage, two institutions that I have my doubts in) and it just seems ridiculous to me. And they're even rich enough to have a nanny, but still their lives have to revolve around this little thing that poops everywhere and hurts himself all the time and can't talk.
And if you think about the reasons for having kids, they're mostly self-serving anyway, aren't they? Do you want something that will love you unconditionally (well, at least until they're teenagers and they realize you suck)? Do you want to cuddle with a cute little baby-smelling soft thing? Do you want to instill your moral convictions into a human that you can shape and mold into your own agenda? Do you want your precious genetics to live on? Do you want to make someone's life great so that they can live out your dreams for you? Okay! Pop out some babies.
Yeah, I guess that's really cynical and I'll change my mind at some point, or I will accept that I am doing it for the wrong reasons and have a kid anyway. But as for my twenties, I don't fucking think so.
I guess I got the nanny job then? I'm not looking forward to traveling with them because it like never fucking stops (I even have trouble traveling with most people in general, it's just really difficult to lose your independence like that), not to mention it's too hard to watch a kid when he has no confidence in your authority and can just go screaming to mama or dada. But I'd like the day to day stuff, I'd like the money, I'd like having a normal job, etc. I don't see why I WOULDN'T get the job, but at the same time I'm rather honest with myself that yes, I'm not like Ideal Nanny of America. But I am very good with kids and I am capable of being responsible (really! I've learned to actually get places on time) and I know that psychologically I would raise brilliant kids, so there we go. I don't really know what they'll decide, but so be it, the temp agency has some steady work for me and someone else called about a nanny job this weekend.
Time again for the cynical voice, but the Ideal Nanny of America is jovial, motherly, and not necessarily very smart, as she works for slave wages or something and has no life. Whatever, maybe I'm rationalizing because I shouldn't be a nanny at all. We'll see. Maybe I'm just full of PMS and I don't feel like I'm capable of following through with anything.
Damn, this is one crispy ass Hot Pocket.
So WHN told me he would record me in his studio. I like his production skills but I'm not yet sure if this is a good idea. It's only a good idea if he really actually wants to record me, not because he feels like he has to (which, uh, perhaps he does because if he doesn't actually want to record me, I'd probably get pretty pissed). But at any rate, once I get some swank nanny $$, I can actually fund my career and not just Chase Bank.
Oh, and I didn't get paid for the weekend yet, which is probably a good sign. The dad gave me $120 and said it was just for bus fare, but it turns out the ride was only $27, woo hoo. He said he'd call me too, and the way the mom said good-bye I figure I'll be seeing her again.
God, I'm making no sense, I just said I wasn't sure if I got the job then I said I was. I must be having PMS. That or I need a nap because I've been in baby land for too long.
Look at the big picture, kid! You're gonna be a stah.
I saw this most awesome Columbo last night. They set it up like this lady and her female lover killed this guy, but the women never kissed or anything and you just figured because they were trying to have family values and such. Then at the end you find out that they were mother and daughter and this cad was screwing both of them, so they offed him! Mwa ha ha, it was great, I love Columbo.
I had to take the Plan B pill this week (um, yeah. Twice. I'm not going to talk about that.) so I had to also take a pregnancy test today, which was NEGATIVE, thank GOD. I mean it's still possible that I took the test too early, but not probable. At any rate, I decided after this weekend that although I don't like the idea of abortion and I think that in a perfect world it would not exist and yeah you're kind of killing something, I would probably have one if I got pregnant at this time in my life. I'm just too selfish to have kids.
I mean, just looking at the parents of this kid I was watching is enough to scare you. They have good lives, you know, a settled marriage and lots of money, but still they have to watch this kid constantly. They wake up before seven in the morning and they bicker over him (I don't know if this is a consequence of parenting or marriage, two institutions that I have my doubts in) and it just seems ridiculous to me. And they're even rich enough to have a nanny, but still their lives have to revolve around this little thing that poops everywhere and hurts himself all the time and can't talk.
And if you think about the reasons for having kids, they're mostly self-serving anyway, aren't they? Do you want something that will love you unconditionally (well, at least until they're teenagers and they realize you suck)? Do you want to cuddle with a cute little baby-smelling soft thing? Do you want to instill your moral convictions into a human that you can shape and mold into your own agenda? Do you want your precious genetics to live on? Do you want to make someone's life great so that they can live out your dreams for you? Okay! Pop out some babies.
Yeah, I guess that's really cynical and I'll change my mind at some point, or I will accept that I am doing it for the wrong reasons and have a kid anyway. But as for my twenties, I don't fucking think so.
I guess I got the nanny job then? I'm not looking forward to traveling with them because it like never fucking stops (I even have trouble traveling with most people in general, it's just really difficult to lose your independence like that), not to mention it's too hard to watch a kid when he has no confidence in your authority and can just go screaming to mama or dada. But I'd like the day to day stuff, I'd like the money, I'd like having a normal job, etc. I don't see why I WOULDN'T get the job, but at the same time I'm rather honest with myself that yes, I'm not like Ideal Nanny of America. But I am very good with kids and I am capable of being responsible (really! I've learned to actually get places on time) and I know that psychologically I would raise brilliant kids, so there we go. I don't really know what they'll decide, but so be it, the temp agency has some steady work for me and someone else called about a nanny job this weekend.
Time again for the cynical voice, but the Ideal Nanny of America is jovial, motherly, and not necessarily very smart, as she works for slave wages or something and has no life. Whatever, maybe I'm rationalizing because I shouldn't be a nanny at all. We'll see. Maybe I'm just full of PMS and I don't feel like I'm capable of following through with anything.
Damn, this is one crispy ass Hot Pocket.
So WHN told me he would record me in his studio. I like his production skills but I'm not yet sure if this is a good idea. It's only a good idea if he really actually wants to record me, not because he feels like he has to (which, uh, perhaps he does because if he doesn't actually want to record me, I'd probably get pretty pissed). But at any rate, once I get some swank nanny $$, I can actually fund my career and not just Chase Bank.
Oh, and I didn't get paid for the weekend yet, which is probably a good sign. The dad gave me $120 and said it was just for bus fare, but it turns out the ride was only $27, woo hoo. He said he'd call me too, and the way the mom said good-bye I figure I'll be seeing her again.
God, I'm making no sense, I just said I wasn't sure if I got the job then I said I was. I must be having PMS. That or I need a nap because I've been in baby land for too long.
Look at the big picture, kid! You're gonna be a stah.
I saw this most awesome Columbo last night. They set it up like this lady and her female lover killed this guy, but the women never kissed or anything and you just figured because they were trying to have family values and such. Then at the end you find out that they were mother and daughter and this cad was screwing both of them, so they offed him! Mwa ha ha, it was great, I love Columbo.