I’m too sexy for my life
Fer REAL.
I met some guy last night. Dude, what's with me picking up rich, successful, educated men lately? I live in a closet, I am employed as a jello shot girl, and I dropped out of community college.
He looks kind of like Jeff Goldblum (you know, Jurassic Park then some computer commercials or something) but younger. Same quirky, grown-up dork hotness. We ended up making up a drinking game and I totally neglected my jello shot duties. We actually exchanged surprisingly little basic information about ourselves because we played a modified version of "The Question Game", but we had to rate each question on its level of interesting-ness, so therefore we asked really weird questions. If you asked a bad question, you had to drink for like five seconds, but instead of counting "Mississippis" we started counting things like "Condelezza Rice"s. I totally just misused the quotation marks.
Here's what I gathered: he's a lawyer of some sort, he's 32 (what is with me and 32 year olds?), he studied at Columbia and Oxford (what the fuck?), he writes short stories, he likes Kurt Vonnegut, he knows the words "polysyllabic" and "archetype", he used to work in the fucking White House, he has a picture of himself with Bill Clinton in his kitchen (no, I didn't have sexual intercourse with him, we watched South Park, ate, and made out. Hint: Oral sex after eating "insanity" level hot sauce? Don't do it), his dad left his mom and married his nanny, he lost his virginity at 15 at a UN conference.
Here is the kicker: one of his questions was of course, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?"-a question which caused me to hem and haw. So he said later, "I don't care if you're seeing other people, as long as I get to spend time with you." MWA! Holy God, did you hear that?!?! CARTE BLANCHE!
We're going on a goddamn picnic tomorrow in Central Park. He says he really gets into picnics and has this basket he calls "The 'Dozer" (bulldozer?). He asked what kind of wine I would like. He said he would not bring hot sauce.
I have a date with WHN tonight, who of course can not know why I'm leaving early tomorrow morning. He would be insanely jealous. He gets like that. I see a nice little mess shaping up. I don't want to tell him the truth, but I don't want to lie to him. But if we don't talk about whether we're in a relationship or not, I'm not going to turn down dates with guys this potentially awesome.
I'm probably going to get fired from my jello shot job. I'm very much hoping to get this nanny position I interviewed for, which is a whole other story, let me tell you. Oh I so hope I get it, I would be soooo rich (for me, anyway) and get to live in the Hamptons for a few weeks this month, maybe go to Florida and Japan (maybe?) with them.
The interview went so well. At the beginning of the interview, they seemed really bored and tired, but by the end we were all laughing and energetic and shit. Damn, I'm charming. They called my references right away and one called me and said it sounded like I'd get the job. I think I'd be a good nanny; I'm so terrified that I want to read all these parenting books and whatnot.
THE WEIRD THING that is almost too weird to talk about on this website? Well, let me preface this: I have a tendency to see sexual dynamics coming into play very, very early. Like with HBP. She didn't know what was going on, but I did; then add alcohol and voila. Anyway, I feel there is some kind of spark there with me and both of the parents?!? Some kind of mutual attraction? I am so fucked up. I kind of hope something develops because it would make a great story. Everything makes a great story.
Things just get more and more interesting every day…
I met some guy last night. Dude, what's with me picking up rich, successful, educated men lately? I live in a closet, I am employed as a jello shot girl, and I dropped out of community college.
He looks kind of like Jeff Goldblum (you know, Jurassic Park then some computer commercials or something) but younger. Same quirky, grown-up dork hotness. We ended up making up a drinking game and I totally neglected my jello shot duties. We actually exchanged surprisingly little basic information about ourselves because we played a modified version of "The Question Game", but we had to rate each question on its level of interesting-ness, so therefore we asked really weird questions. If you asked a bad question, you had to drink for like five seconds, but instead of counting "Mississippis" we started counting things like "Condelezza Rice"s. I totally just misused the quotation marks.
Here's what I gathered: he's a lawyer of some sort, he's 32 (what is with me and 32 year olds?), he studied at Columbia and Oxford (what the fuck?), he writes short stories, he likes Kurt Vonnegut, he knows the words "polysyllabic" and "archetype", he used to work in the fucking White House, he has a picture of himself with Bill Clinton in his kitchen (no, I didn't have sexual intercourse with him, we watched South Park, ate, and made out. Hint: Oral sex after eating "insanity" level hot sauce? Don't do it), his dad left his mom and married his nanny, he lost his virginity at 15 at a UN conference.
Here is the kicker: one of his questions was of course, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?"-a question which caused me to hem and haw. So he said later, "I don't care if you're seeing other people, as long as I get to spend time with you." MWA! Holy God, did you hear that?!?! CARTE BLANCHE!
We're going on a goddamn picnic tomorrow in Central Park. He says he really gets into picnics and has this basket he calls "The 'Dozer" (bulldozer?). He asked what kind of wine I would like. He said he would not bring hot sauce.
I have a date with WHN tonight, who of course can not know why I'm leaving early tomorrow morning. He would be insanely jealous. He gets like that. I see a nice little mess shaping up. I don't want to tell him the truth, but I don't want to lie to him. But if we don't talk about whether we're in a relationship or not, I'm not going to turn down dates with guys this potentially awesome.
I'm probably going to get fired from my jello shot job. I'm very much hoping to get this nanny position I interviewed for, which is a whole other story, let me tell you. Oh I so hope I get it, I would be soooo rich (for me, anyway) and get to live in the Hamptons for a few weeks this month, maybe go to Florida and Japan (maybe?) with them.
The interview went so well. At the beginning of the interview, they seemed really bored and tired, but by the end we were all laughing and energetic and shit. Damn, I'm charming. They called my references right away and one called me and said it sounded like I'd get the job. I think I'd be a good nanny; I'm so terrified that I want to read all these parenting books and whatnot.
THE WEIRD THING that is almost too weird to talk about on this website? Well, let me preface this: I have a tendency to see sexual dynamics coming into play very, very early. Like with HBP. She didn't know what was going on, but I did; then add alcohol and voila. Anyway, I feel there is some kind of spark there with me and both of the parents?!? Some kind of mutual attraction? I am so fucked up. I kind of hope something develops because it would make a great story. Everything makes a great story.
Things just get more and more interesting every day…