(no subject)
I suppose that maybe I've just had too much time on my hands to sit and wonder where I came from and where I am going and what the point is to all of it.
I feel like my feet are roots in the ground and my hair is curling up into the sky and all of the particles inside of me are dismantling. I don't know where I end or where I begin. I feel like I'm a part of everything and I feel like I'm a part of nothing, too. I feel like everyone is watching me.
I got seized by a panic attack today while my nephew was sleeping and all I was doing was staring at my toes and making them wiggle. I know that they are mine but I don't feel like I have control over them. My body feels foreign to me.
I am just thoughts and feelings inside a moving building. I don't want to collide with anyone anymore. I don't want to race with the others. I don't want to make my body get up and do something everyday to try and succeed and move forward in a race that isn't worth it. In something that will end without any notice. Will I die and inhabit another body without knowledge of my previous existence? And start everything over again? Will I sit in Heaven or Hell forever? No knowledge of time at all?
Either way there isn't an end. There is never an end. And that's hard for a life defined by ends.
I feel like my feet are roots in the ground and my hair is curling up into the sky and all of the particles inside of me are dismantling. I don't know where I end or where I begin. I feel like I'm a part of everything and I feel like I'm a part of nothing, too. I feel like everyone is watching me.
I got seized by a panic attack today while my nephew was sleeping and all I was doing was staring at my toes and making them wiggle. I know that they are mine but I don't feel like I have control over them. My body feels foreign to me.
I am just thoughts and feelings inside a moving building. I don't want to collide with anyone anymore. I don't want to race with the others. I don't want to make my body get up and do something everyday to try and succeed and move forward in a race that isn't worth it. In something that will end without any notice. Will I die and inhabit another body without knowledge of my previous existence? And start everything over again? Will I sit in Heaven or Hell forever? No knowledge of time at all?
Either way there isn't an end. There is never an end. And that's hard for a life defined by ends.