(no subject)
So here I am, living in St. Cloud and part of me loves it. It's the part of me that enjoyed being unemployed, that revels when I light a cigarette, that delights in peering out at bright, beautiful days as I huddle in the dark indoors. Basically St. Cloud is fostering the growth of my worst aspects, my antisocial shiftless self. I've been up here four months and some change and I can't honestly say I've made any new local friends. I haven't been to a proper movie since I've been here, not played frisbee, I've hardly cooked. I honestly have only explored the city casually, and then only because I was hoofing it around looking for a job. I like my roomates, I like them very much, but honestly speaking they don't add much to my experience. We're too similar and we do such similar things that we're evolving a closed ecosystem. A nerd biodome supported by Warcraft subscriptions and a pile of books on the toilet three feet tall.
In short, I've taken an opportunity and squandered it. So far. This is one of my defining Things. I seem to have some inborn desire to fail before I begin.
In reading my former LJ entries, strolling down the seemingly rain-glutted avenues of Memory Town, I keep seeing more and more places wherein I laid the landmines before my own armored column.
Well then.
I've played this game before, which should mean that I know exactly how to NOT play it.
Tommorow I do something simple and new and joyful, because repetative experiences and regret together are poisons! Like the Joker Fish poison that kills you if you mix it with perfume. OH SO DELISH.
Now, if only I can decide.
In short, I've taken an opportunity and squandered it. So far. This is one of my defining Things. I seem to have some inborn desire to fail before I begin.
In reading my former LJ entries, strolling down the seemingly rain-glutted avenues of Memory Town, I keep seeing more and more places wherein I laid the landmines before my own armored column.
Well then.
I've played this game before, which should mean that I know exactly how to NOT play it.
Tommorow I do something simple and new and joyful, because repetative experiences and regret together are poisons! Like the Joker Fish poison that kills you if you mix it with perfume. OH SO DELISH.
Now, if only I can decide.