You Must Be This Tall To Ride
There's a blog. It's called You Must Be This Tall To Ride. It's a blog by a guy who got divorced, and it's mostly about how and why he got divorced--and by extension, why a *lot* of guys get divorced. And that boils down to: they were shitty husbands.
Not intentionally, mind you. Nobody (well, almost nobody) sets out to be a bad husband (or wife). Nobody intentionally hurts their spouse, the person they love, and with whom they intended to spend the rest of their lives, and possibly have children. But we do.
It's hard to read that blog sometimes. I see an uncomfortable amount of myself and my own behavior as a husband in a lot of what he writes. It saddens me that I contributed as much as I did to wearing away my wife's love and affection, that I hurt her as much as I did, and caused her to feel like she would be better off alone than married to me. I feel like I was a poor excuse for a husband much of the time, and I suspect my perception accurately reflects the reality.
It wasn't all me, I know. But it still often feels like it. So the other day, while we were gaming with friends, it was a shock to hear my ex say something about "people who suck at relationships, like me."
Because, while I can say that I believe it wasn't all my fault that the relationship didn't work, I feel like a *lot* of the blame lies with me. But that statement tells me I'm not alone in that feeling, that she feels responsible for it too. Which make it all even sadder, really. We're two well-intentioned people who couldn't figure out how to be the partners to one another that we wanted to be.
This entry was originally posted at https://sinanju.dreamwidth.org/227601.html. Comment here or on Dreamwidth.
Not intentionally, mind you. Nobody (well, almost nobody) sets out to be a bad husband (or wife). Nobody intentionally hurts their spouse, the person they love, and with whom they intended to spend the rest of their lives, and possibly have children. But we do.
It's hard to read that blog sometimes. I see an uncomfortable amount of myself and my own behavior as a husband in a lot of what he writes. It saddens me that I contributed as much as I did to wearing away my wife's love and affection, that I hurt her as much as I did, and caused her to feel like she would be better off alone than married to me. I feel like I was a poor excuse for a husband much of the time, and I suspect my perception accurately reflects the reality.
It wasn't all me, I know. But it still often feels like it. So the other day, while we were gaming with friends, it was a shock to hear my ex say something about "people who suck at relationships, like me."
Because, while I can say that I believe it wasn't all my fault that the relationship didn't work, I feel like a *lot* of the blame lies with me. But that statement tells me I'm not alone in that feeling, that she feels responsible for it too. Which make it all even sadder, really. We're two well-intentioned people who couldn't figure out how to be the partners to one another that we wanted to be.
This entry was originally posted at https://sinanju.dreamwidth.org/227601.html. Comment here or on Dreamwidth.