Fun, Laughs, Good Times
I'm wearing boots, drinking hot cocoa and feeling ranty.
You've been warned. And it's long.
The older I get, the less I understand people. Well, that's only half true. I get *why* human creatures act the way they do. So much so that many times I can predict the outcome of a situation before it even begins. I call this a curse.
But there are some things that blow my mind. Like mass cases of amnesia. Or how people who are completely fucking useless leeches get taken care of and forgiven over and over and over again. I'm not immune to this, as I'm at least half human myself (don't ask about the rest, I don't know if I want to know, either), but still - WHAT!?!?!??!
Example: A few years ago, a junkie whom I tried to help on multiple occasions moved out of town. I stopped contact with him when he tried to break into my house. He'll say he didn't but I have witnesses. He then went and stole things from other people, including a car if I remember correctly. This was all public knowledge. All of it. Many people were used and hurt by this individual. When he left, there were people I knew personally who wanted to kill him.
His parents came and found his ass under a bridge, took him away and 'sobered' him up. Which means he theoretically quit everything but drinking. From what I'm told he was doing fairly well for a while.
Now he's back. Why? Who did he fuck over to end up homeless back in Burque? And...people are his friends? What? Huh? He's not changed. He's still panhandling for drug money and living in a car.
Did you all attend a KoolAid party to which those of us who didn't forget weren't invited?
Which brings me to this: I'm really trying to wrap my mind around people who are so concerned about others' opinions of them that they don't ever stand up for their own opinions. In fact, their opinions change depending on their current company. The reasoning I've heard for this is 'I don't want to hurt someone's feelings.'
Yeah. Bullshit.
It's not their feelings you're worried about. It's the repercussions of their feelings on you. If you were concerned about their feelings, you'd be honest. Tactful, but honest. To do otherwise makes you a liar and no one likes being lied to. No one likes to think that someone empathizes with them only to find that the empathizer completely changed their tune around a different group of 'friends'. That makes people feel betrayed.
I've felt a lot of that in the last year. It's shown me who I can and can't trust. It's caused me to cut many, many people out of my life and really rethink some things.
And you know what I learned? People are remarkably bad at knowing what makes them happy. I was remarkably bad at it. I'm working on that. Burlesque made me miserable, except for the few moments I was on stage. Everyone around me that wasn't directly involved and therefore benefiting from my involvement saw that. I was asked on multiple occasions by close friends and lovers why I was doing something that upset and stressed me out so much. Because I thought I liked it. No. I didn't. I was mistaken. I *like* being on stage. I'm good at being on stage or in front of an audience. I'm lucky enough to have a talent many don't possess. I confused that with liking burlesque. And I should have known better, because I didn't want to be in the troupe from the start. But I didn't. I look at it now as a learning experience and I've learned the necessary lessons. I don't need to do that to myself again.
But you know what makes me happy? Like truly fulfilled and happy? Singing. Writing. Reading. Cooking with my daughter. Helping her with her homework. Designing. Yoga. Circus. Having coffee and good food with friends while we talk about whatever random non-gossipy topic of the moment. None of these things make me cry regularly or feel worthless. They can frustrate me here and there, but after doing these things, I fall asleep in the evenings and wake up in the mornings feeling happier than I have in YEARS. Possibly ever.
I have other things I want to put out, but I think I'll put those down in story form. They fit better that way.
You've been warned. And it's long.
The older I get, the less I understand people. Well, that's only half true. I get *why* human creatures act the way they do. So much so that many times I can predict the outcome of a situation before it even begins. I call this a curse.
But there are some things that blow my mind. Like mass cases of amnesia. Or how people who are completely fucking useless leeches get taken care of and forgiven over and over and over again. I'm not immune to this, as I'm at least half human myself (don't ask about the rest, I don't know if I want to know, either), but still - WHAT!?!?!??!
Example: A few years ago, a junkie whom I tried to help on multiple occasions moved out of town. I stopped contact with him when he tried to break into my house. He'll say he didn't but I have witnesses. He then went and stole things from other people, including a car if I remember correctly. This was all public knowledge. All of it. Many people were used and hurt by this individual. When he left, there were people I knew personally who wanted to kill him.
His parents came and found his ass under a bridge, took him away and 'sobered' him up. Which means he theoretically quit everything but drinking. From what I'm told he was doing fairly well for a while.
Now he's back. Why? Who did he fuck over to end up homeless back in Burque? And...people are his friends? What? Huh? He's not changed. He's still panhandling for drug money and living in a car.
Did you all attend a KoolAid party to which those of us who didn't forget weren't invited?
Which brings me to this: I'm really trying to wrap my mind around people who are so concerned about others' opinions of them that they don't ever stand up for their own opinions. In fact, their opinions change depending on their current company. The reasoning I've heard for this is 'I don't want to hurt someone's feelings.'
Yeah. Bullshit.
It's not their feelings you're worried about. It's the repercussions of their feelings on you. If you were concerned about their feelings, you'd be honest. Tactful, but honest. To do otherwise makes you a liar and no one likes being lied to. No one likes to think that someone empathizes with them only to find that the empathizer completely changed their tune around a different group of 'friends'. That makes people feel betrayed.
I've felt a lot of that in the last year. It's shown me who I can and can't trust. It's caused me to cut many, many people out of my life and really rethink some things.
And you know what I learned? People are remarkably bad at knowing what makes them happy. I was remarkably bad at it. I'm working on that. Burlesque made me miserable, except for the few moments I was on stage. Everyone around me that wasn't directly involved and therefore benefiting from my involvement saw that. I was asked on multiple occasions by close friends and lovers why I was doing something that upset and stressed me out so much. Because I thought I liked it. No. I didn't. I was mistaken. I *like* being on stage. I'm good at being on stage or in front of an audience. I'm lucky enough to have a talent many don't possess. I confused that with liking burlesque. And I should have known better, because I didn't want to be in the troupe from the start. But I didn't. I look at it now as a learning experience and I've learned the necessary lessons. I don't need to do that to myself again.
But you know what makes me happy? Like truly fulfilled and happy? Singing. Writing. Reading. Cooking with my daughter. Helping her with her homework. Designing. Yoga. Circus. Having coffee and good food with friends while we talk about whatever random non-gossipy topic of the moment. None of these things make me cry regularly or feel worthless. They can frustrate me here and there, but after doing these things, I fall asleep in the evenings and wake up in the mornings feeling happier than I have in YEARS. Possibly ever.
I have other things I want to put out, but I think I'll put those down in story form. They fit better that way.