POTC: AWE spoilers ahead
I HAVE CLOSED THE CORSET.
Well, I am physically able to close the corset. But at this compression, I can't tie it up without giving an inch, it just slips. Besides, with the pain, I probably wouldn't want to yet. I'm in the PVC cincher right now, after dinner, so it's just over 23 inches semi-comfortably. But I am itching like mad. Rah.
In other news, I watched Pirates today and I am so turned on. In general, the movie was eye candy with a bunch of laughs.
Symbology love: the journey of the Will-smith'd sword.
I didn't even mind the mary sueness of Lizzy Wangst because she's got nice legs (though I don't appreciate that jaw of hers). It irks me on a minor scale that she doesn't do open mouth kissing. Detracts from the romance, that whole "I am a woman of passion, just don't get anything in me" deal. Costuming was good, but it only hit me sporadically. The Pirate King garb needed more attention.
Jack could've been cooler, but the schizophrenia was a good laugh. Spesh. His tattoos were alright, but I'd much prefer the bullet scars he had in the deleted scenes from the first movie. Hotter. More story. And Jack's all about personal history. Trinket love. "Hey, what's that over there!" His speeches were as always fantastic and unfollowable. I'd like to see a HSC drama student monologue him. And goat love FTW.
Keith Richards was awesome. Perhaps he was why Jack seemed a bit washed out. He was so wonderfully vibrant. And lumpy. First time I liked lumps on a face. I was surprised that the pirates bothered writing down the code in a book. And love to the dog as well. He must be magic. I was a bit happier when it opened and it looked more like a collage of post-it notes. There's no way pirates are that organised.
Will was hot hot hot as the Flying Dutchman's captain. He seems a lot bulkier than in the first movie. And I LOVE how they did his hair at the end. He should keep it that way forever and ever and ever. You don't understand the extent of my appreciation of his hotness. He was hot, by the way. Mmm... Chest scar. His final scene before the credits made me hetero happy. I'm glad they only meet every ten years. He's hotter with a long-distance, non contact relationship. It's the depression and passion. The whole movie was a bit naughty for kids, but then re-watching a lot of the old disney movies showed me such dirtiness I never noticed as a child.
Hell, even Ragetti turned me on. I wouldn't mind being Tia Dalma just so that someone would speak to me like that. He was so awkward leading up to that part. It was perfect. Win, too, for the eye-as-the-piece-of-eight thing. I didn't understand that totally... The writers had too many ideas to fit in under three hours.
Didn't like the turning-into-goddess scene though. They could've done better than a fifty foot tall woman who seizes, speaks in tongues and then explodes into a brazillion crabs like a walking disease. Naomi Harris, in that make up, works best as a petite little mystery of a witch. She doesn't have the face for looming. Up until the brig scene with Davy Jones, she was perfect. Irked me a bit after that, but it wasn't a complete turnaround. She was still lovely. Nah, she's a wonderful girl. Her little crabby secrets made me happy.
SLARTIBARTFAST! Human Slartibartfast! The beard seemed so poor in comparison to the giant cephalopod on his monsterface. The tentacles were really well done in this movie. The front four main ones could've curled a bit more, but we can't have it all. I liked how expressive they were. Freaky deaky.
The azns amused me, but made me cringe at the fobness of their speech. It was ok in memoirs, but still unpleasant to sit through... Mistress Ching was refreshing. Old, geisha makeuped, perfect accent. I like.
Character deaths I thought were uncalled for. The only reason why Governor Swann died was to give Lizzy Wangst a bit more to not cry about. Norrington should've turned into a fishy because... because. That whole 'father with dementia' thing kinda pissed me off. It didn't contribute that much to the storyline, and wasn't written very believably.
I know the ending's always interesting, but I didn't stick around for it. Credits are way too long. Read it instead =) Will and Lizzy Wangst's kid looks like Jack. I admit that I read some spoilers so there weren't too many surprises. First surprise was Jack's nose. Up close and personal. And the whole locker topography. Completely different from the other movies. Endeavor was a surprise in that the name seemed to pop up out of nowhere with more canons than rope on the ship, and that Endeavor was the motto of my school. It means to try, to strive, and not to give up. And it was meant to go to Australia, and it wasn't a war ship. Wow... Utter destruction.
Wasn't Barbossa Jack's first mate, and not a pirate lord? I'm assuming they get inducted/resign/die as often as anyone else. I'd like a timeline kthx. I am confused and sleepy, and yet still turned on...
Davy Jones carved out his heart so as not to suffer heartbreak, and to be immortal in body. He died when his externally situated heart was stabbed. Will's heart was removed... why? He still loves Liz without it. And it had already been stabbed. CONTINUITY!
The parachute was... um... ridiculous. Double you tee eff mate. Jack the monkey was interesting. He had such an expressive face. And he also blew up good. I like how he was everywhere. Doing everything.
Let's go see it again.
P. S. I love rope.
6x