(no subject)
Um, Kaia, Reza should be sucking, not you, weird-face.
What person in her right mind would give you ANOTHER child, Kaia?
Yeah, he’s putting her in, not taking her out…
“HELLO I AM SMELLY!”
“Babies like these things! Sadaf told me so!”
Kaia: “Lolz wanna play with the RC Car?”
Sadaf: “You are dead to me.”
Kaia: “So, sex!”
Sadaf: “Oh, I know that!”
Sadaf: “That thing you do with strangely-dressed men!”
Serdar was going into 57 kinds of desperation, so I tried to energize him… but his mood dropped out of gold EXACTLY when he stepped into this thing. I’d never seen that before!
She put her in. Smartest. Nanny. Ever.
Aww, Sadaf, you got a B+! That’s not bad!
Poor Kaia got fired from a bad chance card. I mean, I don’t like lemon in my water either, but what kind of loser is allergic to it? Also, note again Sadaf’s totally heartless reaction.
Kaia and Sadaf both wanted to play catch. So does that guy, but nobody cares about him.
Derrrrrrr…
Hawkeye…
Sadaf does it better. Because she’s naturally evil.
Kaia: “I got a raise!”
Sadaf: “Funny joke Mom, tell it again!”
“I swear to god I told them to GET IN THERE.”
Reader Participation: Make up your own caption!
This is revenge for all the times Serdar falls asleep in Sadaf’s bed. Which he does constantly. Probably because he’s afraid of getting Kaia pregnant again…
OH SNAP, too late.
“This is my A+, bitches.”
Sadaf brings kids home from school EVERY DAY after this.
Play is fierce.
Birthday time for Reza!
Kaia: *She’s cuter than Sadaf. Score!*
Reza Millay: 6 neat, 9 outgoing, 9 active, 6 playful, 5 nice. She’s a Gemini, and Sadaf is an Aries. With a little makeover she is KA-DORABLE!
However, it took FOREVER to potty-train her. She was just not interested in wiping her own ass when other people were willing to do it for her. Smart girl.
Kaia has given up on fighting the great love between toddlers and toilets.
Little Girl: “I am so hot that I must make a speech about it.”
Slick.
You know, or ick.
I have a million pictures of Reza because she is so totally adorable.
What did I tell you? Adorable.
“Uh, hello, labor.”
Sadaf is in shock because…
This is Imogen Millay, black hair, gray eyes and a light skintone…
AND this is her brother! Antonidas, with BROWN hair and GREEN eyes! He also has the darkest skintone of the family. Also, Kaia immediately rolled up the “Have 10 Children” want. Guess what, no. You’re getting your tubes tied, stat.
Yeah you better be glad you got a raise, you have four children to support!
In protest against all these freakin’ children, Sadaf eats nothing but muffins for the remainder of her childhood.
This lecture is entitled, “The Pot Calling the Kettle Black.”
Miss Mary Mack would be proud of the creepy black holes where their skirts end… Also, Sadaf came home from school this day with an announcement that said, basically, one day she threw a chair across the classroom, the gym teacher saw her and recruited her for the wrestling team, so here’s $150. Wut. Where was this policy when I was throwing things in elementary school?
“I, too, can lecture my infants.” Way to be a copycat, Serdar.
Reza pretty much does whatever she wants for the remainder of her toddlerhood because the adults are all too busy screwing around feeding the babies to even care.
She grows up adorable anyway. Just, you know, in the bathroom with no cake.
Sadaf? Yeah, she’s FURIOUS with her sister for no discernable reason.
Your slave labor is working on it, have a little patience. They did that totally autonomously, too.
Kaia: “We are never having sex again.”
Serdar: “Yes ma’am.”
Party, party, party… and Sadaf, who says “Whatev.”
No, really.
Imogen first.
Cute!
Serdar: “Woodstock? Nice to have you at the party!”
I think Kaia is drunk. Even though they don’t own a bar.
And, Antonidas…
Er, we can fix that.
Pre-makeover. There are almost no pictures of poor little Antonidas because he DOES NOT EVER HOLD STILL.
Imogen. SO CUTE. 5 neat, 8 outgoing, 6 active, 2 serious, 5 nice.
Not ugly, just neglected. Antonidas Millay, 9 neat, 5 outgoing, 6 active, 4 serious, 4 grumpy.
“I am ten kinds of win.”
“Er…”
Surrounded by not one, but two types of odiferous fog. Your mother would be so proud!
Note that Antonidas, again, is hiding his face.
This looks familiar.
Sadaf: “I don’t just hate you, I hate Mom for having you.”
Sadaf hates everyone.
And everything.
The family that fails together…
“The internet is for porn, the internet is for porn!” Also, I blame Sadaf for this. She wouldn’t play with her sister AT ALL.
….
Okay, so at this point everyone was freakin’ busy, and Kaia was in food and fun desperation. Serdar was diligently making dinner, so I sent Kaia outside to kick the flamingo, which is, as we all know, good times. BUT THEN…
WTF. Go home, no one here wants you, we love our idiot thank you very much!
Serdar: “OMG PLEEEZ DON’T KILL MY WIFE WE HAVE FOUR KIDS AND FOUR OF THEM ARE PSYCHOS I CAN’T DO IT ALONE!”
Sadaf: “Um hello, there’s a dead body here and I want to see it but you are all IN MY WAY!”
Death: 0. Serdar: 1. However, he immediately rolled the “Be Saved from Death” want. Guess what, no.
Um, I wouldn’t be taking math lessons from this woman if I were you. From Serdar’s grimace, it looks like he feels the same.
Apparently the experience of nearly losing her mother didn’t make Sadaf any less of a bitch. You would never believe she has five nice points! Also, I checked at this point, and she has a -19/-9 relationship with Reza, and is furious at Imogen. WHO IS A TODDLER.
Between screaming twins and crispy mothers, Sadaf grew up!
Reza: “RAT. You are a total rat. And a beeyotch.”
Sadaf: “What are you even talking about?”
Sadaf + hate = OTP
OH MY GOD. I take back everything bad I said about you. You can be as much of a bitch as you want.
She even inherited her mom’s bumpy nose! Also, she rolled Popularity, with the LTW of ‘Have 20 Simultaneous Best Friends.’ Pretty lolzy for someone who brought home random kids every day, but never played with her own siblings…
Radioactive waste.
Again with the neglected.
Unlike his attention-whore sister(s).
Serdar’s masterpiece.
So pretty.
At this point I got a message saying I had too many papers, so I wasn’t going to be delivered any more…
Reza likes to walk around autonomously cleaning things, and then acting like she’s done SO MUCH WORK.
Case in point.
“So Mom was telling me about the guys she hooked up with before you.”
“You can have a vibrator instead.”
“Robots are more emotive than men. You should date one of them.”
“Errr…”
“Thanks for your patronage, Mom.”
Cute cute nobody cares. Poor kid.
Smelly runs in the family.
This weird raver girl came over and stole the gnome. I tried to get Sadaf to steal it back, but I couldn’t figure out how, other than just letting her do it, so…
She threw a drink at her instead.
And got aspiration points for it. God I love Sadaf.
Imogen is a lot like my cat. Not the one who turned off my computer, the other one.
He follows me around, and if I don’t pet him, he follows my fiancé around. And if he doesn’t pet him, he follows me around again.
Sadaf is eating an omelette she cooked for herself. Reza is eating leftover turkey that Kaia cooked when she was pregnant. With Sadaf.
She came back and stole the newspaper too! Beeyotch! Unfortunately stupid Sadaf was too busy going to school to own her, but she will. Oh, she will.
Serdar goes to work in a helicopter now. The secret life continues.
He tried to bring this ‘friend’ home with him, but the Estrogen Brigade chased her off.
Dual birthdays!
Sadaf, teenagehood is making you soft!
Dual sproings-of-growth!
Lolz.
Poor Antonidas.
No one is going to breed with that nose.
Whereas Imogen is gorgeous. Like Sadaf, she has her mother’s cute nose.
So, I don’t know what to do now! Sadaf had totally been out of the running for heir, but now, she’s so pretty! Not to mention hilarious. And Reza’s personality turned out… weird. But she might change when she becomes a teenager! I think I’m going to send them all to college to decide. I wish Antonidas had a better nose, because he’s obviously the most genetically diverse, and he’s got such a gorgeous skintone. We’ll see. Anyway, thanks for reading!