Mission Simpossible - Part 3
"Is this it?" Yakko asked, the confusion evident in his tone. "It seems a bit..."
"Depressing," Lilah supplied.
"I was going to say pathetic but depressing works."
Zane checked the coordinates on his handheld device surreptitiously. "No, this is definitely it."
"Well, at least there's a crowd waiting to get in," Lilah said. "This wouldn't work if the place was dead."
"No, it's dead," Yakko disagreed.
"What?"
"Look at the crowd. All of the moaning and groaning. They're zombies."
Lilah narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure? Maybe they're just emo."
"No, they're the real thing," Yakko said with a shake of his head. "I've made one before."
Zane nodded. "They do seem to be living-challenged. But this shouldn't put a crimp in our plans, should it?"
"Not unless they're hungry or you have a brain: you know, whichever."
"Well, we all have brains," Zane said. "So that could be a problem."
"Speak for yourself," Yakko said. "Mine's removable."
"Why am not surprised?" Lilah deadpanned. "So now what do we do? My charms aren't going to work on the life-impaired."
"Oh! Oh!" Yakko exclaimed bouncing in his seat. "Pick me! Pick me!"
"Yes, Yakko?" Zane asked with a sigh.
"We should wait for Archie and his long, hard rod of ass-kicking and then try to get in."
"Is that what he's calling it these days? You know, 'penis' is an acceptable word," Lilah snarked. "But I agree, having cannon fodder is a good idea."
"I'll see if he's finished with Agent Snaps-a-lot and tell him to meet us here. So what should we do while we're waiting?"
"Charades?"
"No!" both Lilah and Zane snapped.
"Awww! You're no fun."
~*~
An hour or so later, Archie joined them, sans shirt and carrying his jacket over one shoulder.
"What took you so long?" Zane asked.
"I wanted to leave her something to remember me by."
"And that took you an hour?"
Archie smirked. "Tying her to the bed with my shirt without waking her takes time. Sure, I could rush it, but then you have a screaming and struggling simself to deal with and that's never fun. This way she'll just think we had some kinky sex and I left without untying her."
"You bastard," Lilah said without any real heat in it.
Archie leered at her. "Jealous?"
"Not really. I prefer to be the one doing the tying."
"That can be arranged."
"Guys, focus!" Zane sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Get your gear and get into character, we're going in."
"Got it, boss!" Yakko chirped cheerfully. The dreadlocked man reached behind his ear and hit a button that wasn't there before. His head flipped open revealing his brain. Yakko removed it and then opened up a small hole in the universe and tossed the organ inside. All of the while, the other three members of the team watched with matching expressions of revulsion on their faces.
"Yakko, you removed your brain," Lilah breathed. "I thought you were just making a joke."
"Silly Lilah! I only make jokes when they're funny."
"But..."
Zane put a hand on her arm. "Just let it go. The normal laws of the universe don't apply to him."
"So how are we supposed to get in, Zane?" Lilah asked.
"Same as before. Lilah you're going to be the socialite out for a good time. I'll be your personal assistant. Archie will be your bodyguard. And Yakko..." he paused trying to think of a role for Yakko.
"And I'll be fabulous! I think I'll channel my inner Lenny Kravitz and make Lilah look even more stunning. Did you know you're wearing the wrong shade of lipstick?"
"Whaaa?"
"It's too much of a blue-red. It should be more flamey!"
Zane nodded. "So you'll be her stylist."
"Bingo!" Yakko turned to Lilah. "Have you considered wearing fire? It would do wonders for your complexion."
"No."
"But..."
"Just no."
"Zombies are scared of fire."
"Still no."
"You're no fun."
~*~
After all of the hype, getting into the club was surprisingly anti-climatic. The horde of zombies parted like the Red Sea and quartet just walked right in.
"That was disappointing," Archie remarked. "I was looking forward to a little violence before drinking."
Yakko nodded. "I didn't even get a chance to use my Zomb-A-Matic 5000."
"I know I am going to regret asking this, but what's it do?" Lilah asked curiously.
"It slices! It dices! It makes julienne fries! And it is top-shelf dishwasher safe."
"Uh, okay." Lilah turned to Zane. "So now what?"
"We need to get into the VIP section and then up the rest of the tower."
"Got it," Lilah said with a nod. Then she got down to business. "Archie, stay close. The rest of you follow me." The woman adjusted herself so that it appeared that a wardrobe malfunction was imminent.
Archie watched appreciatively. "Need help?"
"I've got it. Let's go."
Lilah sauntered up to the stanchions blocking off the VIP section from the rest of the club. One of the guards eyed her in appreciation while the other sneered. "Hi guys," she breathed. "Want to let me behind your velvet rope?"
"Name?" the sneering guard asked.
"Lilah Whedon."
He consulted a clipboard. "You're not on the list."
Lilah whipped around to Zane, pulled a cell phone out of her cleavage, and threw it at him. "I thought I told you to call ahead and tell them I was coming!"
"I'm so sorry. I'm sure I did. Can you check again?" he asked the guard. "It's Lilah with an 'H' and Whedon with an 'H'."
"I can fucking spell. She ain't on the list."
Lilah's chest started heaving. "Do hear that? I'm not on the list! I'm not on the damned list. Do you know who I am?"
"You-"
"I said do you know who I am?"
"You're-" the guard tried again.
"She's Lilah Fucking Whedon," Archie growled, stepping forward. "She's the heiress of Whedon Hotels! And a world famous musician and you have the fucking balls to deny her entrance to your fucking VIP section?"
"Did you need to use that many F-bombs?" Zane asked quietly.
"Abso-fucking-lutely."
Meanwhile, Lilah had thrown herself at the leering guard. "I can't, I can't believe it. Me. Not on the list. This is unheard of. You've got to make this right."
Yakko swooped in. "There, there, Lilah-poo. I'm sure the handsome man here could make an exception, just for you." He fluttered his eyelashes at the guard. "Please. I mean doesn't she look fabulous? Doesn't she look good enough to eat? I mean I'd totally tap that if she were my type."
"Uh..."
"Oh please, Mister Guard! I'm sure she'd be real appreciative if you let us in."
The man's eyes glazed over for a moment. "Hey Dick, I think we can let them in. I've heard of Ms. Whedon here and she's from an Apocalypse. I'm sure the bosses wouldn't mind."
Yakko switched his attention over to the sneering guard, Dick. "Please Dickie-wickie! We promise to be good. But, you know how it is." He slung an arm around the other man's shoulders. "If she doesn't get in, then the whole night's going to go to hell and guess who's going to bear the brunt of her tantrum? You. That's who. And I'm sure that you wouldn't want the tabloids to find out that a lowly guard refused Lilah Whedon entry. Why, your name would be mud! You and your employers. Then they'd fire you and you'd have to sell your hair to a wig shop. You don't want to have to sell your hair to a wig shop. So just do the right thing and let us in."
Dick head looked from Lilah who was working herself up into a fit, to Archie who was cracking his knuckles ominously, to Zane who was looking at him with a creepy nice smile, and finally to Yakko who was bouncing up and down hopefully. "Ugh, fine! But if anyone asks," he jerked his thumb at the other guard. "Johnson let you in."
"Got it!"
The quartet walked through the doors and looked around. Zane stepped around behind Archie, Yakko, and Lilah. "Lilah, you and Yakko act as distraction while Archie and I slip upstairs to disarm the bomb and render it perpetually inoperable."
"How do you plan to do that?" Lilah asked.
"Archie smash!" the oddly hot man said with a grin.
"Ah. Got it. Project Distraction coming up."
Lilah sashayed over to the bar. "I want a drink like I like my men. Strong, hard, and stiff."
The bartender's Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "Coming up, miss!"
While the bartender's back was turned, Lilah clambered up onto the bar and started dancing. "I like to move it, move it!" she sang.
"Oh yeah baby!" one of the men called motioning for the rest of the room to follow him.
"Now's our chance," Zane whispered to Archie. The two men walked quickly and deliberately over to the elevator and pressed the up button. When the doors opened, they slipped inside and swiped the key card to allow them access to the top of Club 8x8.
"Now when the doors reopen, you take out the guards while I start disabling the bomb."
"Oh, you're letting me have all the fun."
The elevator doors slid open and Archie side-stepped into the room looking for any guards. Seeing none, he advanced further into the eight by eight space. "Zane, you'd better take a look at this."
Zane stepped out of the elevator car and into the empty room. He could see the schematics tacked to the walls and scuff marks on the floor where something heavy was dragged out. "Where's the bomb?" he asked.
Archie looked around the room. "That's just it. There's nothing fucking here. They must've moved it."
The black haired man studied at the schematics on the wall. "And I think I know where they've moved it to, along with the other components of their plan."
"Where?"
Zane walked to the window and pointed at the two large nuclear cooling towers in the distance. "There," he answered.
Archie looked. "Fuck me running."
"That about sums it up."
~*~