we were done done done with all the fuck fuck fucking around
Well I just read all my old entries and I feel incredibly stupid. Just pointless bullshit that no one should ever have to read. I didn't name any names so I have no clue who I'm talking about. I guess most of them are about Matthew, because back then I was so in love with him. Not much has changed. I'm still really amused by the different font sizes and colors. Back then I was a freshman with freshman problems. Now I'm a senior with what I think are actual problems. 3 or 4 years from now I'll come back to look at this entry and think of how dumb I was. I still love Matthew. Now he has a baby so its different and harder. He doesn't have any time for me. Which I mean I'll live but I miss him. I read one of our old conversations it was a little ridiculous. I have new friends. All new. Besides Matthew. I have Amanda which is the best thing to happen to me ever. Best friends forever finally means something. We've been in one serious fight. It lasted all of 2 hours. We drink and fuck hoes basically. Its a real good time. Those are our plans this weekend actually. Its Halloween and we're going out to Central to drink and fuck hoes. I haven't had sex in 2 months and haven't had a drink in longer. I'm really looking forward to it. I was actually going to ask Matthew before we went if we were somewhat of an item so I would know to feel guilty or not about sleeping around. I mean its going to happen regardless. But who knows. I hope he calls tonight. I actually really do love him. If he did decide to be committed to me I would be faithful to him. But I don't see that happening in our situation. I like our situation. I would also like to have a relationship.