Eensie Weensie Spider, 1/1
Title: Eensie Weensie Spider
Author: SimplyShanni
Beta: None. All mistakes are mine and mine alone.
Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. It has been written solely for fun, not for profit. No disrespect is meant to the actual individuals represented here and I make no claims about their sexual orientation in real life.
Pairing: Orlibean
Genre: Dialogue Only, Humor
Summary: Sean runs into a few...complications while taking down the Halloween decorations.
Warnings: Minor Language, Adult Concepts
Rating: PG-13
Autor's Note: This fic may read like crack but it was actually inspired by a true incident. Only the names (and a few minor details) have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent! ;D
Eensie Weensie Spider, 1/1
"Oh shite!"
"Sean? What's wrong, are you okay?"
"..."
"Seanie, answer me!"
"..."
"Hold on, love, I'm on my way!"
"..."
"Oh, there you are! I almost expected to find you in a crumpled heap on the floor or something. Why are you so pale? And why are you standing there with your hand clutched to your chest? Is it your heart? Please, no, tell me it isn't your heart!"
"..."
"Answer me, dammit!"
"..."
"Sean? You're starting to scare me here. Don't just stand there shaking your head and pointing at the floor, love. Talk to me."
"You...you can calm yourself, lad, I'm fine, but...but..."
"But what? Is this what you keep pointing at? What's it doing in the middle of the floor, anyway? I thought you were putting the Halloween decorations away, not throwing them willy-nilly about the house."
"That...that sodding fabric pumpkin you bought did just about give me heart failure! And don't tell me again that you thought it were cute 'cause you liked its little black witch hat!"
"Ohhh-kaaay! Obviously something about this little guy...uh, gal...or whatever the hell it is, has set you off. Care to enlighten me?"
"..."
"Seanie...? You're blushing! Why do you look so sheepish?"
"I...uhh...I forgot."
"Forgot? Forgot what, for crying out loud?"
"About...about the spider."
"The spider? You mean this spider? The little plastic one dangling out of the raffia that makes up the pumpkin's hair?"
"Uhh...aye, that would be the one. You know I don't like spiders, Orli, and that one were awfully realisti...Oh, shut up, you! What I ever saw in that ridiculous giggle of yours, I will never know! Stop it at once, Orlando! Quit rollin' about the floor and get up!"
"...Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hee-hee-hee-ho..." *snort*...*gasp* "...Hee-hee-hee..." *SNORT!*...*WHEEZE!* "Oh cripes! Damn, Sean, my stomach hurts!"
"Sadistic little wanker! It serves you right! Are you quite finished?"
"Now, now, Sean, don't be like that! Come on, you gotta admit, if what just happened to you had happened to me, you'd probably be laughing even harder than I was. I mean really, it's only an eensie little spider...hmmmmm, an eensie weensie spider... Oh, wait, I know...! Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm..."
"Orlando! You will not hum that song!"
"But Seanie, I've got words to go along with it! Here, listen...The eensie weensie spider crawled out of the pumpkin's hair. That spooky little spider gave Seanie quite a scare. Oh shite, he screamed as he hurled it to the floor. Now that vicious plastic spider won't scare Seanie anymore!"
"...!"
"What, you didn't like it? I thought it was quite clever, myself, and I composed it just for you!"
"Very funny, Orlando! Ha-bloody-ha! Now get back to the storage closet and find me the rest of those boxes so we can finish putting away all this Halloween crap! I've had more than enough of this particular holiday for one year! And if I ever hear you singing that song again..."
"Which song, Seanie? You mean this one...The eensie weensie spi...Aaack! Dammit, Bean, what are you doing? I am not a sack of potatoes! Put me down, yeah? My stomach still hurts from all that laughing and having your ruddy great shoulder jammed into it isn't helping much. Fair warning, Beanie, if you don't want my lunch to make a lovely technicolor reappearance right down your back, you'd best do as I say. Hey, did you know that your arse looks really good from this angle? I mean, truly phenomenal! You really do have the best bum in the buis...ness... Oh! What are we doing in the bedroom?"
"You should have heeded my warning, Orli. I know exactly how to deal with rebellious young lads like yourself. I gave you a chance, sweetheart, but you blew it. Now you're gonna get to blow something else. And maybe, if you do a really good job, I might let you come too...sometime tomorrow!"
"Oooh, you're using your deep, sexy 'villain' voice! That always gives me shivers! So, it's to be sexual torture then, yeah? I think I can handle it, and if this is the reaction that little song gets me, well then...The eensie ween-mmph!..."
The End