(no subject)
so far things are going pretty ok. the thing i was worried about...i'm not anymore. i found out and it was what i wanted. (i bet you are very confused cause you don't know what i'm talkin about...that's a good thing!!)
i've been hangin out with eric the past 2 nights. only a few hours each night...we can't handle more than that. you think i'm joking, but i'm really not.
my sister and her boyfriend move out in 5 days.
my birthday is in 3 weeks. i'll be 18!!! how great is that???? i'm excited. i can FINALLY buy my own cigarettes. is that sad that that is what i'm excited about? haha
i start school in 4 weeks. not so happy about that.
i'm ready for a big change.
i'm sick of eli always mentioning something about my weight...yeah i got it, i'm fat...don't try in a nice way to make me realize that...
i'm sick of always being used...as blake says, i have a welcome sign on my head letting people know they can walk all over me.
oh crap...i forgot to call alisha today and i was being a bitch the last time we hung out...i hope she doesn't think i'm angry at her, cause i'm not. i should call her tomorrow to see if she wants to hang out.
for some reason when i hang out with new people, my old friends get mad. shouldn't i make new friends? i meet new people that i have stuff in common with and we hang out and i have fun with them, is that so bad? i still call and talk to the other ones, i'm just not always there anymore. i realize they feel neglected, but they have other friends too. i really don't get it.
i miss knowing the direction of my life and where i was going. now everything is just a blur. i used to have everything figured out...and now i'm beginning to question it. i need time to "find myself" as corny as that sounds. i keep saying i'm just gonna spend alone time, but that doesn't work out too well, cause i hate being alone, i enjoy being around my friends and acting like an idiot. it is like i'm becoming a kid again. i spent the past few years growing up so quickly that i didn't get to mess around and act stupid like other kids my age. and now i'm finally realizing i don't have to be grown up completely yet. and that makes me so happy.
*sometimes it is OK to act like a kid and be dumb. and if people don't like you for that, FUCK THEM*
i've been hangin out with eric the past 2 nights. only a few hours each night...we can't handle more than that. you think i'm joking, but i'm really not.
my sister and her boyfriend move out in 5 days.
my birthday is in 3 weeks. i'll be 18!!! how great is that???? i'm excited. i can FINALLY buy my own cigarettes. is that sad that that is what i'm excited about? haha
i start school in 4 weeks. not so happy about that.
i'm ready for a big change.
i'm sick of eli always mentioning something about my weight...yeah i got it, i'm fat...don't try in a nice way to make me realize that...
i'm sick of always being used...as blake says, i have a welcome sign on my head letting people know they can walk all over me.
oh crap...i forgot to call alisha today and i was being a bitch the last time we hung out...i hope she doesn't think i'm angry at her, cause i'm not. i should call her tomorrow to see if she wants to hang out.
for some reason when i hang out with new people, my old friends get mad. shouldn't i make new friends? i meet new people that i have stuff in common with and we hang out and i have fun with them, is that so bad? i still call and talk to the other ones, i'm just not always there anymore. i realize they feel neglected, but they have other friends too. i really don't get it.
i miss knowing the direction of my life and where i was going. now everything is just a blur. i used to have everything figured out...and now i'm beginning to question it. i need time to "find myself" as corny as that sounds. i keep saying i'm just gonna spend alone time, but that doesn't work out too well, cause i hate being alone, i enjoy being around my friends and acting like an idiot. it is like i'm becoming a kid again. i spent the past few years growing up so quickly that i didn't get to mess around and act stupid like other kids my age. and now i'm finally realizing i don't have to be grown up completely yet. and that makes me so happy.
*sometimes it is OK to act like a kid and be dumb. and if people don't like you for that, FUCK THEM*