I Miss Her
We're fastly approaching on the one-year anniversary of Genna's death a week from this Friday. I guess because I have a tendency to go "Well, this time last year I was..." or "This time last week I was..." just so I keep myself in check, either good or bad, and don't get too far to one extreme or the other. So last year this time I was focused primarily on getting to Christmas, getting through Christmas, and seeing my family and Genna, pushing her through at least Chris' 3rd birthday.
She fell short. Can't blame her or be angry with her about it. She did the best she could.
But I look at these little boys, these beautiful little men she produced, and wonder how in the world she could knowingly let go and trust that they would be okay?! How terribly difficult it must have been to know she was leaving her children behind.
And they are wonderful little boys. Even if they are frustrating sometimes. But mostly, they are little buckets of giggles with hair. Zach not as much as Chris, but still. Zach has turned into Chris' mother figure, quite a tall order for a 9-year-old. Most of the time I think Stephen puts too much pressure on Z, but I can't control that.
I love them both and I'd do anything for them.
I've just been ruminating on Genna lately. It's dragging me down, but I presume that's all part of the healing process. I've lost a lot this year, more than anyone can imagine, and she was just the beginning.
I'll be sad for now, but hopefully the sadness will lift soon.
Soon.
Very, very soon.
She fell short. Can't blame her or be angry with her about it. She did the best she could.
But I look at these little boys, these beautiful little men she produced, and wonder how in the world she could knowingly let go and trust that they would be okay?! How terribly difficult it must have been to know she was leaving her children behind.
And they are wonderful little boys. Even if they are frustrating sometimes. But mostly, they are little buckets of giggles with hair. Zach not as much as Chris, but still. Zach has turned into Chris' mother figure, quite a tall order for a 9-year-old. Most of the time I think Stephen puts too much pressure on Z, but I can't control that.
I love them both and I'd do anything for them.
I've just been ruminating on Genna lately. It's dragging me down, but I presume that's all part of the healing process. I've lost a lot this year, more than anyone can imagine, and she was just the beginning.
I'll be sad for now, but hopefully the sadness will lift soon.
Soon.
Very, very soon.