Giving Credit Where Credit is Due
I really miss having cristina around. I never realized the past two years how big of a role she played in keeping me somewhat sane and happy. I have been unusually lonely this year due to the fact that I have so much work to do as well as no one to come home to and just relax with who is affectionate and caring. Although Jess has done an incredible job of helping me from Boston there is only so much that she can without actually being here which is why cristina was so important. Almost every night her and I would watch tv together or watch a movie or eat dinner. She was a warm body to sit next to. She was a person that I could vent to. Her venting also gave my life perspective.
I am trying to establish this kind of a relationship with erica but so far there has been very little movement in that direction. She and I still have some work to do in terms of getting comfortable being around each other. Even though I have seen her a hand full of times since the semester started it still feels very formal whenever we are around each other. We do and say all of the 'normal' things that casual friends say and do and thats it. I hate normality. I want to be able to hang out with her without trying. Without the pleasantries but still with feeling. I don't want to make erica into a cristina-substitute but I would like to have someone who lives in Tampa who I can really be myself with. Maybe with a little more time we will get there. I hope so because I really need it right about now.
It is becoming very clear to me right how important graduate school is. The decisions that I am going to be making in the next 7-8 months will most definitely have a profound effect on every aspect of my life including my relationship with jess, where I'm going to be living for the next few years of my life, as well as what I am going to be studying and thinking about. Moreover, I don't even know if I will still have a job here at the library next summer which would be very different for me. It is a lot of responsibility and I love it. I love having this freedom. This is the freedom of choice. My actions now will give me more options in the future which only means more possibilities for happiness.
I am trying to establish this kind of a relationship with erica but so far there has been very little movement in that direction. She and I still have some work to do in terms of getting comfortable being around each other. Even though I have seen her a hand full of times since the semester started it still feels very formal whenever we are around each other. We do and say all of the 'normal' things that casual friends say and do and thats it. I hate normality. I want to be able to hang out with her without trying. Without the pleasantries but still with feeling. I don't want to make erica into a cristina-substitute but I would like to have someone who lives in Tampa who I can really be myself with. Maybe with a little more time we will get there. I hope so because I really need it right about now.
It is becoming very clear to me right how important graduate school is. The decisions that I am going to be making in the next 7-8 months will most definitely have a profound effect on every aspect of my life including my relationship with jess, where I'm going to be living for the next few years of my life, as well as what I am going to be studying and thinking about. Moreover, I don't even know if I will still have a job here at the library next summer which would be very different for me. It is a lot of responsibility and I love it. I love having this freedom. This is the freedom of choice. My actions now will give me more options in the future which only means more possibilities for happiness.