More Thoughts

Jun 28, 2006 15:40

What is the worst feeling in the world?

a) Getting kicked in the balls
b) Giving birth
c) Getting burned for the same mistake over and over again
d) All of the above

(Another good one is when you make one little dumb mistake and then watch it grow into a huge fucking problem. This one is courtesy of Abbey Diaz)

I would have to go with D on this one. In particular I would like to concentrate on C because that is the only one that both men and women can feel (No disrespect to Tiresias).

For a long time Jess and I had trust issues because she could not trust me after all of the things that I did to her in high school. I admit it was pretty awful stuff. But, eventually her and I worked through it and now we are at least able to be together without thinking about those mistakes. Unfortunately, even though neither one of us likes to mention it it still lingers in the back of her mind. It is so bad sometimes that we will break into a huge fight over something that happened a couple of years ago. Thankfully she and I have always been able to talk through the fight and end up a little stronger.

What I'm wondering is if the trauma from my mistakes in high school will ever be gone from her psyche or will I forever be plagued by my past? Although I am two years removed from high school the majority of my friends are still friends that I made in high school. My girlfriend is a woman that I met in high school (even though we didn't begin formally dating until college). How many years will it be until I can get away from high school?

I know that everyone does dumb things in high school mainly because of their youth but for some reason that doesn't really work as an excuse for me. I feel that while I was in high school I at least was a rational being capable of making reasonable decisions. I drove a car. I played an instrument (not well though). I read a lot of books! However, I was also inexperienced in a lot of areas and for some reason I decided that instead of making reasonable or even logical decisions I chose instead to do things that I thought were going to get me the best experiences. I know now that that was a pretty stupid choice. Every year millions of kids go through high school without making half of the mistakes that I did. I ask my self every day "Why the fuck did I do so many fucked up things?!?" I think that the reason that I did it was because the opportunity was there, which by the way is a terrible response but it is the only one that I can think of. I really wanted the experience and I had the chance to get it so I did!

Life is pretty strange when you look back at it. I once heard that the reason guys have a problem with the size of their dicks is because they look down on it, which for some reason makes it look smaller. The woman who said it believes that if men were to see their dicks from below like a woman or another man would see it then their opinions would change. I wonder if thats true...
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