I'm back, once again. :P
So, hehe... it's been quite a long time since I've posted. Wish I could become a regular poster, but no one reads this thing anyway! Which was the idea to begin with. Still would be nice to have some friends. My fault tho, with my fear of public speaking and all. :P
Anyway, this is my place to whatever I please. To talk about what frustrates and annoys me. Stuff that I can't bring myself to say to the people involved.
So I screwed up with that guy i was talking about in an earlier post. Second time screwing up, as a matter of fact. We're not exactly on speaking terms.
Both distance and what I think is love, sucks.
I really, really dig this guy. The Aussie and there's nothing I can do about it.
I dislike his friends.
I can't stand when he's around them.
And him being so buddy, buddy with one of his friends is what pretty much ended it all.
I can't take this.
He's all I ever think about.
In all that's serious, he's constantly in my head.
The thoughts of him.
Our convos.
I don't know what to do.
If we can't survive little/big spats here and there? How would we survive the real thing?
I just know, that I could tell him how much I care for him, until I'm blue in the face (... or, oddly, fingers, since it's a net thang) and it not seem to matter.
I can't help to think that his so called friends influenced him to deny me.
I'm thinking about owning up to my responsibilities for once and try getting a job.
The real world is such a scary place, where I don't see myself socially fitting in.
I wanna get a job, because the internet in general, is such a boring place.
And I have sat here for a pathetic 7 years or so doing nothing but wasting time.
You or maybe it's just I, can only survive being entertained or lack thereof for so long.
My mom and I struggle everyday, because we live off of her income, which is her pension.
I'm tired of struggling.
I'm tired of having to do without.
I want to one day be proud of myself for once and be like, "Hey, I worked this hard to make this!"
Even if it's just a measly $200 or so.
I want to be able to help my mom out on bills and buy things here and there for us.
She's provided for me for 21 years, that's the least I could do.
I'm terrified of getting an actual job interview.
Problem is, I don't think I get along socially with others well.
I'm so afraid of failure or rejection.
Afraid of not being enough.
I was thinking about furthering my education.
I've been out of school for almost 4 years.
I just have no idea what to go to school for.
And I don't think I could go to an actual college.
Cause', I dread public speaking.
I literally freeze up and start stuttering all over the place, when I have to do a presentation in front of the class.
Bleh, there's so much stuffs I could be updating on, but can't be bothered to do so.
Maybe, I'll get around to it, in another... several months. :P
Anyway, this is my place to whatever I please. To talk about what frustrates and annoys me. Stuff that I can't bring myself to say to the people involved.
So I screwed up with that guy i was talking about in an earlier post. Second time screwing up, as a matter of fact. We're not exactly on speaking terms.
Both distance and what I think is love, sucks.
I really, really dig this guy. The Aussie and there's nothing I can do about it.
I dislike his friends.
I can't stand when he's around them.
And him being so buddy, buddy with one of his friends is what pretty much ended it all.
I can't take this.
He's all I ever think about.
In all that's serious, he's constantly in my head.
The thoughts of him.
Our convos.
I don't know what to do.
If we can't survive little/big spats here and there? How would we survive the real thing?
I just know, that I could tell him how much I care for him, until I'm blue in the face (... or, oddly, fingers, since it's a net thang) and it not seem to matter.
I can't help to think that his so called friends influenced him to deny me.
I'm thinking about owning up to my responsibilities for once and try getting a job.
The real world is such a scary place, where I don't see myself socially fitting in.
I wanna get a job, because the internet in general, is such a boring place.
And I have sat here for a pathetic 7 years or so doing nothing but wasting time.
You or maybe it's just I, can only survive being entertained or lack thereof for so long.
My mom and I struggle everyday, because we live off of her income, which is her pension.
I'm tired of struggling.
I'm tired of having to do without.
I want to one day be proud of myself for once and be like, "Hey, I worked this hard to make this!"
Even if it's just a measly $200 or so.
I want to be able to help my mom out on bills and buy things here and there for us.
She's provided for me for 21 years, that's the least I could do.
I'm terrified of getting an actual job interview.
Problem is, I don't think I get along socially with others well.
I'm so afraid of failure or rejection.
Afraid of not being enough.
I was thinking about furthering my education.
I've been out of school for almost 4 years.
I just have no idea what to go to school for.
And I don't think I could go to an actual college.
Cause', I dread public speaking.
I literally freeze up and start stuttering all over the place, when I have to do a presentation in front of the class.
Bleh, there's so much stuffs I could be updating on, but can't be bothered to do so.
Maybe, I'll get around to it, in another... several months. :P