fic; hanging by a moment 1/3
Title: Hanging by a moment
Pairing: Ryo/Shige
Rating: PG-13/R
Warnings: some angstyness, some sappiness, overall weirdness and a non-linear timeline
Summary: In which Ryo is kind of an idiot, Shige is surprisingly confident and together they take the long route on the way from starting out as bandmates towards ending up as something more.
Author’s Note: 24,137 words. This fic is... I don’t really know. It just started out with me writing a random scene and then it just took off from there on its own. A lot of it was inspired by the translations here and I don’t know. I’ve always kind of wanted to write a RyoShige fic like this, though I never expected it to end up so long, lol. This fic is definitely my baby, and I’ve been tearing myself to shreds over writing it these past few weeks.
The title is from the song of the same name by Lifehouse which I listened to a lot while writing and is somehow quite apt. XD Also thank you to boycottbananas and carmine_pink who gave me little ideas for some scenes in the fic, and also to reiicharu who listened to me whine and cry and rant about this fic and telling me it didn’t completely suck. XD ♥ ♥ ♥
Anyway, I really, really hope you’ll enjoy it, even a little. ♥
“I’m going to be late,” Shige exclaims, hopping on a foot as he tries to get his other leg through his jeans.
Ryo watches from where he’s sprawled across the bed, resting his head on his arm, amusement in his eyes. When Shige almost falls flat on his face he says, “Slow down, genius.”
“I’m going to be late,” Shige reiterates, finally tugging on his pants and reaching for a t-shirt next, sifting through the drawers until he finds an acceptable piece and tugs it over his head.
He jumps when Ryo suddenly wraps his arms around his waist and presses a kiss to the nape of his neck. Instantly he relaxes and feels Ryo smirk into his skin. “I have to go,” he says, not sounding one bit like he actually wants to.
“I know,” Ryo says, steps back and lets Shige go. Shige’s surprised Ryo’s not going to try and make him late on purpose, turns to give the older man a thankful smile. Ryo grins and heads toward the bathroom. “I didn’t expect the morning to go quite like this. After all, it’s the first time I’ve stayed over here with you like this.” He winks, teasing, and Shige blushes furiously.
“Yeah, well,” Shige says quickly, turning away and putting the clothes he’d dropped back into the drawer before slamming it shut. Even though Ryo had slept over, that’s really all he did, having just returned from work in Osaka and coming straight over to see Shige. “Nothing would’ve happened even if I didn’t have to get to school.”
Now Ryo pouts at him from where he’s leaning against the doorframe. “So boring, Shige,” he says, sighs, and Shige rolls his eyes before gasping again that Ryo’s making him late.
He grabs his book bag from his desk in the corner and heads for the door, but Ryo’s blocking his way. Frowning, he tries to shove past him but Ryo doesn’t move, looking amused as Shige fights him.
“Ryo,” he says, frustrated because Ryo’s being a pain and because he actually, really, doesn’t want to go to class. He knows Ryo has the day off, a rare one, and he would rather stay here all day if he could.
Ryo finally steps aside but follows Shige to the genkan and says, “You only have one class today, don’t you? Can’t you miss it?”
“No,” Shige says, crouching as he laces up his shoes. But the tone of his voice doesn’t even convince himself and he makes the mistake of glancing up into Ryo’s eyes.
Ryo smirks. “You want to miss it,” he accuses like Shige’s a horrible student for even considering it, despite the fact that Ryo’s coaxing him to do it anyway.
“I do,” Shige confesses, knows there’s no reason not to, and gets to his feet, staring at Ryo for a few moments until his shoulders slump and he gives in.
Ryo’s grinning at him as he rests his hands on Shige’s waist and Shige drops his book bag to the floor.
“You’re an awful influence,” Shige says before Ryo kisses him.
“You should brush your teeth,” Shige adds when Ryo pulls away.
“I think you should shut up,” Ryo retorts and Shige wisely does, letting Ryo kiss him again and deciding this is definitely worth it to skip one class.
--
Shige’s eyes widen in surprise as he turns quickly to Ryo who is staring at him expectantly. He blinks. “W-Wait, me?” he asks uncertainly, because, if he heard right, Ryo just invited him out to eat the next day.
Ryo gives Shige a hesitant smile that makes Shige’s heart jump; he’s never on the receiving end of Ryo’s rare smiles. They’re always reserved for Yamapi and occasionally Tegoshi, never Shige. Ryo nods and wets his lips before he says, sounding a little amused, “Yes, you. Do you want to?”
This must be a joke, Shige thinks. Ryo has never before shown any interest in making Shige a friend, or at least anything more than a bandmate. Being asked out to eat with him on Shige’s day off is startling, but not completely unwelcome. He’s not sure, though, if Ryo is setting him up. Wouldn’t it hurt if it turns out it was all a trick?
But he looks into Ryo’s eyes, sees the honesty, the nervousness in them even though he’s still staring at Shige nonchalantly like he doesn’t care whether Shige accepts or not. And so, heart beating madly, Shige finally nods and says, “Sure. When and where?”
Ryo actually lets out a soft breath and his expression relaxes and Shige wonders how long Ryo’s been possibly plucking up the courage to do this. The thought makes him smile as Ryo asks Shige if he’s heard of this small ramen restaurant, and they make plans to meet there the next day for lunch.
Shige leaves work that day uncertain of how things will be tomorrow, but finding that he hasn’t been this excited for something in a long while.
--
Shige hesitates, staring down at the blinking cursor on his phone, the white background almost mocking him as he contemplates writing his message. He hasn’t seen him for awhile. Almost over a month. Definitely not since the tour and promotions for Hoshi wo Mezashite had ended. He hasn’t talked to him since then and he doesn’t want to make anything awkward. But, he thinks, not saying anything is just as awkward. They’re band mates, right? They made it through their hiatus and they came back even stronger and Shige shouldn’t over-think things like this. He should just go with his instinct.
And his instinct tells him that words of encouragement, of congratulations, are never unwelcome, so, biting his lower lip he types it up and sends it off before he can change his mind.
He doesn’t really expect an answer, but half a day later, by the time Shige’s almost forgotten about it, his phone beeps in his pocket. And the mail that he reads makes his face split into a grin and everyone at school the next few days comment on his exceptional mood.
Your message surprised me, and even though it was
kind of embarrassing, it made me really happy.
You’re the first to say anything.
Thanks, Shige. I’ll work hard on the tour.
You should too.
Let’s go out to eat or something next time. :)
--Ryo
--
The room is pitch-black when Ryo eases open the door and sneaks in. He curses under his breath when he walks into a few pairs of shoes on his way toward the beds. Peering through the darkness, he determines the one with the Shige-sized lump on it and smiles to himself as he heads over, rests a hand on Shige’s shoulder.
Shige stirs, turning as he blinks open his eyes. He jumps a little, startled, and Ryo smirks as he shoves Shige over and climbs into bed with him.
“What’re you doing?” Shige hisses, even as he makes room for Ryo, letting Ryo’s arms wrap around his waist.
“Sleeping,” Ryo answers, eyes closing. He can feel Shige’s gaze on him and Shige makes it a few moments until he pokes Ryo in the cheek. “What?” Ryo questions.
“What’re you doing?” Shige repeats.
“Shut up,” Ryo says. “I bribed Pi with lunch for two weeks so he’d entertain Koyama for awhile. I just want to sleep with you.”
Now Shige’s look has meaning, and Ryo’s sure Shige can see him blush even in the darkness. “Shut up,” he says again. “Sleep.”
Shige wisely doesn’t say anything else and curls up next to Ryo, snuggling under the covers. A few minutes later he says, “Wait, you told Yamashita-kun?”
“No,” Ryo says. “I just made up an excuse. He looked suspicious though.”
Shige waits a few beats and then says quietly, “We should probably tell them now, you know. It has been almost a year.”
Ryo peers his eyes open. Shige’s are still closed, but he stares at his face, making out the soft, beautiful features and smiles as he closes his eyes again. He holds Shige closer. “They’re all just too stupid to realize it,” he replies. “And, besides, I kind of like having you as a secret.”
Shige laughs into Ryo’s collarbone, his breath warm against his skin, and replies, “How cute.”
“Shut up,” Ryo mutters again, squirming embarrassedly. “We only have twenty minutes, max.”
Shige shuts up, lets Ryo pull him closer and listens to the rapid sound of Ryo’s heartbeat, lulling him into such a deep, peaceful sleep he never notices Ryo leave. In the morning, when he meets Ryo’s eyes over Tegoshi’s during breakfast and they smile at each other for a brief second, Shige thinks he quite likes their secret, too.
--
Ryo sucks in a deep breath, standing up straighter and gathering all of his courage before he pushes open and bathroom door.
The sniffling is just barely audible and it makes his heart ache. Biting his lower lip walks inside and around the corner finds Shige crouched before the sink, his hands holding himself up against the porcelain. His shoulders shake with tiny sobs.
“Shige?” he says quietly, staying a few feet away, giving him space.
Shige tenses immediately. He looks over his shoulder and his eyes widen when he finds Ryo. Hastily he looks away and rubs furiously at his eyes as he stands up. “What,” he starts, pauses, swallowing around the thickness in his throat before continuing, “What do you want, Nishikido-kun?”
His voice is a little sharp; Ryo’s never heard him speak like that before and it surprises him. “Look,” Ryo says, staring at the floor because now he can see Shige’s face in the mirror, the red eyes and the tear-streaked cheeks, the quiver of his lips as he tries to reign in his tremors. It makes him feel like a douche, knowing he caused this, and he clenches his fists tight at his sides and stares resolutely at a dirty spot on the floor.
Except he’s not good at this kind of thing. He’s never been. Words just kind of come out on their own when he’s frustrated and angry and he can never deal with the consequences. Before, though, he’s never really made anyone cry. Not for real, not like this.
He sighs deeply and says lamely, “I’m sorry.”
Shige doesn’t say anything and the silence bounces off the tiled walls. Ryo continues to eye the spot on the floor, wondering what could have made it and then deciding it’s probably better not to know. Once it feels like an hour has gone by but has probably only been two minutes, Ryo tears his gaze away and looks at Shige.
His heart jumps to his throat because Shige’s staring right back at him. He looks confused and upset and Ryo has a sudden urge to walk over and wipe the tears from his eyes with his thumb.
He does no such thing, of course, and when Shige still doesn’t say anything, impatience rises in Ryo’s veins and short-circuits to his mouth. “What?” he snaps, “I just apologize and you don’t have anything to say?”
Now Shige looks taken aback, almost like he might cry again and Ryo grumbles as he combs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “Really. Shige, I-I’m not good at this kind of thing. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
Shige stares at him with baited breath, and Ryo plunges on before he loses his nerve, “So, just, I’m sorry, okay? Now stop, stop being such a girl and come back to practice. Because what I said about your crappy dancing was true. And I’m not taking it back.”
This is definitely not how he’d planned on apologizing and when Pi and Uchi hear about it later they’ll probably roll their eyes at his poor attempt but Ryo doesn’t lie and if it makes Shige cry again then what’s he supposed to do?
Shige laughs quietly under his breath and says, “You are kind of bad at this.”
Ryo glares, because despite the fact that he made Shige cry and could probably deal with a little teasing, Ryo’s still the sempai here and it’s not as though they’re friends. But before he can snap at Shige some more, Shige seems to realize his fault and inclines his head at Ryo. Despite being a little taller, Shige looks much more vulnerable than Ryo right now, and Ryo once again feels like an ass. Of course, not enough to make any more amends to their already tense situation.
Instead, Shige says quietly, “Thank you, Nishikido-kun,” and Ryo’s eyes widen, completely baffled, because the last thing he ever expected Shige to do is thank him for anything.
Flushing, Ryo snaps quickly, “What for?”
Shige stands straight, and even then he still looks small, awkward. But the words that come from his mouth are strong and firm and Ryo is left a little winded. “Thank you, for being honest with me,” he says like it’s obvious. “And thank you for trying to comfort me. Just, thank you.”
Now Ryo’s blushing furiously and the way Shige is looking at him with bright eyes makes him even more embarrassed. He barks, “R-Right, you should be grateful. I’m just that magnanimous, you know!”
And before Shige can say anything else he turns swiftly and stomps toward the door. “Come on!” he shouts. “We have work to do. And if you mess up another simple dance routine, I won’t be so nice about it.”
Shige laughs and follows and when they return to the others, Koyama is instantly fussing over Shige while Ryo harrumphs and yells out orders to get back into formation. Shige doesn’t make a single mistake the rest of the day, and Ryo feels something like pride in his chest when he catches Shige’s triumphant smile as they part ways.
--
“You’ve been hanging out with him a lot, lately,” Koyama says suspiciously as he rocks back and forth from his perch on the edge of Shige’s bed.
Shige pauses in his note-taking and spins around his chair to eye Koyama. “With who?” he questions, but he already knows.
“Ryo-chan,” Koyama replies. “You’re going for dinner tonight, aren’t you?”
Shige flushes. “How do you know that?” he demands, because he doesn’t recall telling Koyama.
Koyama smirks. He points to the calendar on the wall behind Shige’s head. “You have it written there,” he says, smirk widening when Shige spins around to look. “Dinner with Nishikido-kun at seven,” he reads out loud in a mocking voice. “How cute.”
“S-Shut up!” Shige exclaims, blushing profusely. “It’s just dinner. I didn’t want to forget. You know how Nishikido-kun can be.”
Koyama makes a skeptical humming noise and Shige throws the pen in his hand at his head. Koyama dodges it easily and continues to look smug. “You like him, don’t you?” he questions.
“Of course not,” Shige grumbles. “It’s not like that! It’s just dinner with a friend and will you stop looking at me like that!”
Koyama collapses into laughter that quickly turns into a squeal as he runs away from Shige’s impending attack.
--
Los Angeles is exciting. Being back together with the group is exciting. It’s the first major event they’ve had since their official return at Countdown, even if it’s secret from the fans. It’s just a photo shoot, but it’s in LA and it’s with all six of them. Shige has been to LA once before, but not like this. It’s different, somehow, being there with the rest of NEWS.
The hot sun is on his back as he lies upon the sand at the beach behind their hotel. He’s reading a book, or trying to, because his attention continues to be distracted from where he can see Yamapi and Ryo surfing just over the top of his book whenever he glances up. Koyama, Massu and Tegoshi are out shopping but Shige dismissed their guilt trips and stayed behind instead, just wanting to relax after a long day out for photo shooting.
Truth is, Shige might have just wanted an excuse to stick around Ryo. Even if they’re not actually hanging out together, Shige would much rather be here, sneakily watching Ryo surf than being dragged around by Koyama, Tegoshi and Massu.
He doesn’t really know why, though. Ryo and Yamapi were the two people from NEWS he didn’t get a chance to see very much over their hiatus, so Shige doesn’t blame himself for wanting to spend some time with them, even if it’s like this. But the longer Shige watches them surf, the more obvious it becomes that he’s really only paying attention to Ryo.
Whatever that might mean, Shige has no clue, so he tries to focus on reading instead. It works for awhile and he’s so absorbed in it that he doesn’t notice Ryo flopping down next to him until a wet hand trails up his spine and suddenly ruffles his hair.
Shige jumps and whirls around to find Ryo grinning at him, pushing his wet hair from his face, his surfboard propped up in the sand next to him. Shige glances at his sunkissed skin, the water droplets trickling over the curve of his clavicle and then tears his eyes away.
“What was that for?” he questions, hoping he sounds as whiny as he intends to, and not anxious like he feels.
“We’re on vacation and you sit here and read,” Ryo says, stretching out across his beach towel.
“Actually we’re here for work,” Shige corrects and the corner of Ryo’s mouth twitches upwards, “and there’s nothing wrong with just sitting here and reading. It’s relaxing.”
“You’re always reading something,” Ryo accuses, but not in a bad way, Shige realizes, more like he’s pointing it out, curious. “Is it that fun?”
“You read a lot, too,” Shige says, recalling moments from before the hiatus when Ryo would read various books in between photo shoots and meetings and juggling two bands.
Ryo sighs, shrugs. “I try, but I’m not like you.” He grins.
Shige shakes his head, reaching up to shove at Ryo’s shoulder. “That has nothing to do with it,” he says and Ryo laughs as he moves away from Shige’s attack. “If you’re interested in something, you should read about it.” He shrugs. “That’s really all there is to it.”
Ryo eyes him for a few moments, a smile in the corner of his lips, his gaze soft and assessing. Shige squirms under the look but doesn’t glance away, determinedly keeping eye contact until Ryo chuckles and ruffles Shige’s hair again. Shige’s heart whoops in his chest, his face heating up, and he splutters incoherently until Ryo says, “You’ve changed, since NEWS went on hiatus.”
Again it’s not accusatory, just outright and blunt like Ryo always is, and Shige finds himself laughing. “Did I change for the better?” he asks Ryo who grins.
“Not sure yet,” Ryo replies and winks at him before he drops his head into the pillow of his arms and closes his eyes, ending the conversation.
Shige stares at him for few seconds, feeling warm all over, surprised by their conversation, the easiness of it, before he turns back to his book and reads.
--
Ryo shrugs out of the coat they’d made him wear for the shoot and hands it to the costume-lady with a bow and an Otsukaresamadeshita. He heads back to the dressing room, expecting to find it empty, the other members having finished earlier and left. Ryo was last because he still has a shoot with Kanjani8 in ten minutes, or whenever his other group finally gets here.
Right now, though, he finds Shige lying across one of the couches, a book open precariously between his lax fingertips on his chest that rises and falls with every soft breath. Ryo realizes before he sees his face that he’s asleep and peers over the edge of the couch to take in his face.
He’s definitely different when he’s sleeping like this, Ryo thinks. Soft and relaxed instead of the frantic mess he’s been lately with exams coming up. He wonders what he’s still doing here and contemplates waking him, not wanting to disturb him but not wanting him to miss anything if he has plans and somehow forgot.
He reaches out and shakes his shoulder, mutters, “Shige, get up.”
Shige grumbles for a bit before he opens his eyes and jumps back when he finds Ryo staring at him. Ryo laughs, amused, and says, “Awake? You fell asleep here. What were you doing?”
Shige sits up, his book falling to the floor but he leaves it there in favor of yawning and stretching first. Ryo goes around to retrieve it instead, glancing at the complicated title about law and theories. “I have a meeting to go right after this,” Shige says sleepily. “They were sending a car to come get me but it hasn’t arrived yet, so I was just studying for a bit. Must’ve fallen asleep.”
Ryo hands him back his book. “You study too much,” he says.
Shige grins. “Probably,” he admits. “But I like it.”
Ryo makes a humming noise in the back of his throat. He doesn’t really understand, school was never that interesting to him. He likes to learn, but studying has never been his forte. Shige who can read pages upon pages on various subjects and take diligent notes and ace his tests is pretty amazing to Ryo, although he won’t ever tell him that. “Be sure to rest once in awhile, too,” he says eventually as Shige packs up his things.
“You, too,” Shige replies and Ryo looks at him in surprise. “You work just as hard as I study,” he explains, and smiles.
Before Ryo can find something to say in response to that, Shige’s standing and heading for the door. “I’m sure the car is here, now. I’ll see you later, Nishikido-kun.”
He gives Ryo another soft smile before disappearing behind the door and for the rest of the day Ryo tries to erase the image of that smile from his brain.
--
Shige thinks he’s not drunk enough for this, but Ryo probably thinks it’s fine since he’s drunk enough for both of them. Yamapi is snoring across the backseat, already passed out from a night of bar-hopping, and Shige wishes he could be him right now instead of constantly trying to manhandle Ryo away. A very drunk Ryo who has his hands and mouth all over Shige.
Despite the numerous times he’s gone out drinking with them, this is the first time anything like this has happened. Shige is usually the affectionate drunk. Yamapi’s the kind that giggles a lot and doesn’t censor himself, surprisingly loud and bold, a complete contrast to his professional self that Shige sees on a daily basis. Ryo, on the other hand, is more or less the same as he always is, and up until now, he’s never been touchy-feely like this.
So touchy-feely in fact that Shige’s sure he’ll get them into an accident before he can drive them safely back to his apartment. “Nishikido-kun,” he says as firmly as he can, pushing Ryo back over to his own seat. “If you don’t stop I’ll kill all of us.”
Ryo actually pouts. Shige hates that he instantly finds it kind of cute. But thankfully Ryo sits back in his seat and doesn’t try to attack Shige again.
Shige gets them to his apartment because it’s closest and by then Ryo is almost passed out in the front seat much like Yamapi in the back. Right now, he’s just glad they don’t have work at all the next day, finally getting a little break after the end of the Diamond tour a week ago.
Sighing, Shige decides to pull Yamapi up first, nearly dragging him to the elevator and up to his apartment after ensuring Ryo stays put. He leaves Yamapi on his bed and comes back down for Ryo who has woken up again but thankfully didn’t try to leave the car.
“Come on, Nishikido-kun,” Shige says, holding the door open for him and pulling on his arm to get him out. “You can’t sleep here.”
“Shige,” Ryo says in a low voice that makes Shige’s heart jump. He’s looking up at him with wide eyes and Shige sighs, tries to recall just how much Ryo had to drink. It wasn’t that much, but maybe Ryo just gets drunk easily.
He sighs again and pulls him out of the car and instantly Ryo’s clinging to him like a limpet, arms hooked around Shige’s neck, pressing his face to Shige’s shoulder. Shige feels his skin burn from the proximity, and he nearly topples them to the ground as he loses his balance. He manages to catch himself against the side of the car, Ryo leaning against him, fingers hot against the nape of his neck, trailing down his back.
“Nishikido-kun-” Shige starts and is cut off by Ryo kissing him.
It’s uncoordinated and tastes of three different types of liquor mixed with cigarette smoke and Shige is definitely not drunk enough for this -no matter how good it makes him feel, no matter how much he wants it. Ryo’s not the best kisser when drunk, clearly just trying to lick his way through Shige’s mouth, but Shige wouldn’t care if he was the worst kisser in the world for how intoxicating this is, his mind spinning like he’s inebriated, too.
And then he remembers that this is Ryo, Ryo who is impossibly drunk and probably won’t remember any of this in the morning and no matter how good this feels Shige shouldn’t let it get any further. Especially when Ryo is pushing him against the car and grinding against him and Shige can feel how hard he is, surprised by it in his drunken state, and leaving him wondering in the corner of his mind if maybe Ryo’s not as intoxicated as he thinks he is.
He’s determined to end it though, even if his libido yells at him for it. He puts all his strength into pushing Ryo away and gasping, “Stop,” as loudly as he can. His fingers tremble as they press into Ryo’s shoulder to keep their distance.
Ryo licks his lips, his eyes black and slightly unfocused. “But you like it,” he whispers and Shige’s heart stutters in his chest.
Of course I do, Shige thinks darkly, but whatever the case, Shige doesn’t want to do this. Not like this. Not when Ryo will probably forget in the morning and Shige won’t. He already knows he’ll never forget this. He doesn’t think he wants to forget it. How can he, when his feelings for Ryo have been lying dormant inside of him for over a month after his confession, after the rejection? How can he, when despite how much he told himself to get over it, to keep things the way they were, the more he sees Ryo, the more he hangs out with him, the more he falls?
He shuts the open car door and locks it and drags Ryo off to the elevator, making sure Ryo doesn’t try anything else. He doesn’t, and Shige’s not sure if he’s thankful or not, just keeping his eyes straight before him even though he can feel Ryo’s gaze on him.
Once in his apartment and pushes Ryo into bed next to Yamapi and says wearily, “Go to sleep.” Before he can turn away, Ryo catches his wrist, tugs, and Shige falls against his chest, groaning before Ryo captures his lips in another kiss.
This time Shige’s quicker, pushing away before Ryo can get too far, and not even the intense look in Ryo’s eyes is enough for Shige to give in. “Stop it, Nishikido-kun,” he mutters, hoping he sounds angry and not desperate, and before Ryo can do anything else, Shige escapes and shuts himself in the bathroom.
It’s only when he’s safe inside does he realize he’s hard, his chest heaving with staggered breaths. He hates himself for reacting like this, for not being strong enough to forget his feelings for Ryo. And after this, after feeling him against him, he wonders if he’ll ever be able to forget it.
Shige’s just glad it didn’t get any further. He’ll be able to deal with this, he thinks. Ryo won’t remember, Ryo will never have to know.
He lies on the couch that night after taking a shower and jerking off, his mind full of images of Ryo, of how it felt kissing him, pressed up against him. He doesn’t fall asleep until dawn starts to creep through the windows.
In the morning, Ryo is kicking Shige awake, literally, and demanding, “What the fuck happened last night?”
Shige looks him straight in the eye, licks his lips that still taste of Ryo, and says, “Nothing,” even though it breaks his heart just that much more.
--
Ryo winces at the sound of the chord change, pauses and leans over his guitar to erase the notes in his notebook. He tries a different arrangement, another, and one more, before he decides what he likes best and adds it to the composition. He glances over the page, eyeing the chords and patterns before he starts from the beginning and plays to where he left off.
He jumps when Shige says, “That was good,” his voice in Ryo’s ear and he turns to find Shige peering over the back of the couch at his notes.
Ryo flushes, Shige’s eyes turning to him with warmth, respect. “Really?” he asks, half self-conscious, half dubious. They’re taking a break during a day full of meetings for their upcoming concert tour to mark the release of their first album since the hiatus. The others had left the room instantly but Ryo had opted to stay behind, and he’s surprised to find Shige there, too, wondering if he’d been there the whole time and feeling embarrassed.
Shige doesn’t say anything about that, though. He just nods. “I liked it,” he replies. “New solo?” He walks around the side of the couch, sits beside Ryo.
“Don’t know yet,” Ryo says. “It’s just, been in my head for awhile. Trying to finally put it down.”
“Play it again,” Shige says quietly and Ryo stares at him curiously for a moment before Shige grins and adds, “I just want to hear. Maybe I can help.”
“As if,” Ryo mumbles as he looks away quickly and wonders why his heart is suddenly beating so fast. He positions the guitar properly on his lap, eyes the sheet music again, and starts to play. He messes up in the fifth measure and flushes, giving Shige a sidelong glance before looking back. Shige doesn’t say anything, doesn’t acknowledge Ryo’s look or sudden nervousness, but he does stand and starts walking around the dressing room aimlessly.
Without him sitting next to him Ryo’s heart calms down and he pushes away the questioning voice in his head about why Shige would make him so nervous anyway, and focuses on his music. This time he doesn’t mess up and he plays through what he’s written once, twice, and on the third time Shige is humming with him and the low sound makes Ryo’s skin tingle long after they’ve stopped.
Shige is grinning when Ryo seeks his eyes again and he sits down on the opposing couch instead of next to Ryo. “I really like it,” he says again. “Have you thought of lyrics?”
“Not yet. I have words in my head, just different things, but I really don’t know what I’m doing with this song yet.”
“Well, if you want-” Shige starts and then bits his lower lip, suddenly shy. “I could help, you know. Maybe we could write it together?”
Ryo appraises him but before he can say anything Shige rushes to add, “I’m not as good at writing music as you, but-”
“Shut up,” Ryo cuts across him and then smiles at Shige’s startled expression. “You’ve written your solos before. You already know I like Kakao,” and Shige flushes at the remembrance of Ryo occasionally belting out the lyrics to his song throughout their tour earlier that year, “and you wrote Road with Pi, too. You used to play a lot, before you got busy with school. I know you’re good, Shige.”
“Not like you,” Shige insists.
“I said shut up,” Ryo says, eyes narrowing for a second before he laughs. “But if you want to, we could write something together.” He meets Shige’s eyes awkwardly and they both glance away at the same time.
“I’d like to,” Shige says finally and Ryo’s heart thumps when he looks back at him, sees the softness of Shige’s expression.
“Okay,” he says, swallows thickly, “okay.” He shuffles over a little and adds, “Come over here. Tell me what you think of this.”
He starts to play and they work together silently and ten minutes later when Yamapi and Koyama return first at the end of their break, they stop in the doorway and stare in surprise.
“What?” Ryo demands, aware that his skin is heating up already. Shige shifts next to him, his knee brushes Ryo’s and it sends a jolt through him.
“Nothing,” Yamapi says but he looks smug and Ryo knows he’ll hear about this later.
Koyama, however, just smiles and says, “That sounded good. We could hear it in the hall. Play some more, Ryo-chan?”
“No,” Ryo grumbles, shuffling the music sheets together and shoving them into a binder. “It’s a secret.”
“What is?” Tegoshi questions curiously when he and Massu walk into the room.
“Ryo-chan and Shige’s love song,” Yamapi answers promptly and grins, unaffected, when Ryo shoots him a dangerous glare.
Shige blushing slightly, protests, “It’s not,” but everyone just smirks at them, clearly unconvinced. Shige glances at Ryo who just rolls his eyes at the stupidity of his group and tells Shige, “You should come over sometime and we’ll work on this more.”
Shige’s eyes widen but he rushes to nod. “Okay,” he agrees and Ryo grins, stands to go put his guitar away and for the rest of the day, he can’t get the sound of the song, of Shige’s low humming out of his ears.
--
The park is empty, but it’s not surprising at nine in the evening, the sun just disappearing over the horizon and darkness stretching across the sky. The summer night is cool as they walk side by side, the fabric of their clothing brushing together at their elbows.
When the playground comes into site, Shige grins. He nudges Ryo in the ribs and says, “Race you!” and before Ryo can react he’s off toward the swings.
Ryo shouts, “Are you five?!” after him but when Shige glances over his shoulder, Ryo’s smiling, running after.
Unaware of where he’s running, Shige trips over his feet and lands backwards into the sandbox, groaning in pain as his back hits the wooden edge surrounding the playground. Ryo is there in the next second, concern in his eyes while his mouth twitches to hide a laugh. Shige glowers up at him from behind his bangs and Ryo holds out a hand for him that Shige takes, heaving himself back up to his feet.
“Ow,” he complains and Ryo finally cracks, turning away to laugh, his fingers warm against Shige’s as he holds on still. Shige’s lips stretch into an amused smiles as he says, “Thanks for laughing at my pain, Ryo.”
Ryo kisses him, his free hand reaching around Shige’s waist to rub against the sore spot. Shige smiles against his lips, Ryo’s touch already making the sting fade away and he pulls back a few moments later, licking his lips.
“You okay?” Ryo asks genuinely and Shige nods. “Good. Then come here and push me.” He walks off toward a swing and hops on and Shige eyes him with amusement.
“And you were calling me a five-year-old,” Shige says but with a sigh he trudges over and shoves at Ryo until he gets enough momentum before joining him on the other swing.
The wind in his face is cool and welcoming as they compete to see who can get higher with laughter that rings in the darkness. When Shige gets bored of swinging, he jumps off and lands perfectly on his feet. Ryo looks surprised that he didn’t fall flat on his face when Shige turns to grin triumphantly at him.
“I bet I could land further than you,” Ryo calls out and Shige laughs, waits for him expectantly, crossing arms over his chest. Ryo jumps and lands a foot before Shige, looking furiously when he realizes he failed.
Shige says, “Guess height isn’t the only thing you fall short at,” and half-laughs, half-screams when Ryo lunges at him, taking off in the other direction, around the slide and beneath the monkey bars.
Ryo’s hot on his heels, both of them laughing as they run up and around the playground like ten year olds. Shige almost gets stuck in the tube slide when he jumps in to escape Ryo, and Ryo, smirking as he gets an idea, hops off the playground and runs around to start climbing up from the end of the slide. Laughing, Shige tries to shimmy backwards but Ryo is smaller and doesn’t have the same size problem as Shige. He gets up as far as he can, slipping occasionally until Shige grabs his hands and pulls him close, holding him in place.
They kiss inside the slide, a little uncomfortably on Shige’s part though Ryo’s lips on his makes it sweet. Shige’s not sure how long they spend there, kissing slowly, softly, innocently, like kids hiding from their parents, but when they finally pull apart the air around them is hot and humid. Shige laughs, pushing at Ryo until Ryo turns around and slides down and Shige follows after a moment of difficulty.
Ryo pulls him up to his feet, holding one of Shige’s hands in each of his, and kisses him again. They hold hands as they take the longer way out of the empty park and back toward Shige’s apartment, and right now Shige thinks he almost doesn’t care if someone saw them, feeling too happy to be afraid.
--
Shige’s not sure what to think when he sees him, walking down the sidewalk toward him, talking on his phone, a black cap pulled lower over his face, and sunglasses perched on his nose. Shige hasn’t seen him or talked to him since the tour ended, since the start of the hiatus. Even then, the last thing they said to one another was a simple, half-hearted Otsukare, eyes downcast. Unless Shige’s message at the start of Ryo’s tour with Kanjani8 counted as talking, it’s been months since they’ve spoken to each other.
He wonders if he should stop and say hi, because, despite it all, Shige is happy to see him, to know he’s doing well, and he wouldn’t mind talking to him, for a little bit. Shige isn’t sure what Ryo would want, though, and right now he seems concerned by his phone-call, not even noticing the people around him, the few high school girls who stop and point, whisper quickly at each other.
Only when Shige gets bumped in the shoulder does he realize he’s stopped walking altogether, lost in his thoughts. And that’s when he decides it doesn’t even really matter, he doesn’t have much time, anyway, has to get home and study, he has tests coming up, and-
“Shige?”
Shige jumps, turning around to see that Ryo had actually passed him, but now is standing just behind him, pulling off his sunglasses as if to get a better look.
“It is you,” Ryo says, and now he grins, and hangs up on whoever he was talking to without a goodbye.
Shige gapes and Ryo laughs, adds, “Oh, it was just Pi. I can call him back.” And then he’s standing before Shige, looking ten times more attractive than he did when Shige last saw him, or maybe that’s because Shige hasn’t seen him in so long. Either way, his heart stutters frantically in his chest and his mind seems to have committed fatal suicide.
“Are you busy?” Ryo questions and Shige regains himself enough to quickly shake his head. “Great. I was just going to get some coffee. Come with me.”
It’s an order, not a question, but Shige follows him, anyway. They walk side by side silently, but Shige wonders if Ryo can hear the way his heart is beating out of his chest. They order drinks and settle into a table for two at a nearby Starbucks, and Ryo is pulling off his sunglasses and cap before he smiles at Shige over the rim of his cup and says, “It’s good to see you.”
Shige’s stomach does a dangerous dive-bomb and he smiles back. “You, too,” he says, and means it.
--
“Don’t you think you’re being a little too hard on him?” Yamapi asks as he leans against the side of the building, watching as Ryo lights up a cigarette between his lips.
“Who?” Ryo asks after he lets out a smoky breath.
“You know who,” Yamapi replies, a little impatiently.
“Are you seriously giving me a Leader talk?” Ryo demands, incredulous, and laughs when Yamapi glares and shoves at him. “And, fine, to answer your question, I treat Shige the same way I treat everyone else.”
Yamapi snorts. “No you don’t,” he says. “You constantly tease him, ridicule him, and mock him. Essentially you act like a thirteen-year-old whenever you’re around him.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Ryo says. “I make fun of him because it’s easy to. I make fun of you all the time.”
“Yeah, but it’s different.”
“It’s not like I hate him, Pi.”
“You sure have a weird way of showing you like him, though.”
“What do you want me to do? Kiss him?” Ryo scoffs, taking another drag of his cigarette and they both stare at the puff of smoke when he exhales, watching as it disappears into the grey sky. “While I think that would be amusing, Shige would probably not go for it.”
“Well, if you really want to, Ryo-chan,” Yamapi says sneakily, “I’m not going to stop you.”
Now Ryo shoves him, the tips of his ears turning red. “Shut the fuck up,” he snaps, disgruntled.
“Hey, you brought it up!” Yamapi grins.
“It was a joke!” Ryo cries, wondering why the thought of kissing Shige has him so flustered. “As if I’d ever want to kiss Shige.”
Yamapi makes a skeptical noise as he eyes Ryo and looks entirely unconvinced.
“You’re an awful friend, and an even worse leader. What kind of bullshit talk is this?” Ryo bitches, sucking on his cigarette and resisting the urge to punch Yamapi in the face.
“Just be nice to him,” Yamapi says, patting Ryo on the shoulder. “He’s not that bad.”
He says nothing more about it, changing the topic to some idiotic story Shirota had told Jin that Jin had told him and Ryo listens with one ear, his thoughts elsewhere, until they return inside at the end of their ten minute break.
Shige hands Ryo a few CDs the second Ryo walks into the dressing room and says, “I forgot I’d brought this with me today. I remember Nishikido-kun talking about this band awhile ago. I asked my friend from school if I could pass them along to you so you could hear. It was this group, right?” Ryo’s eyes widen in surprise and he scans the CD covers, and then looks back up at Shige incredulously.
“T-Thanks, Shige,” he says, and Shige just shakes his head, smiling brightly, before he adds, “I need them back in a week, at least! Don’t lose them!” and then heads off to join Koyama on the couch.
Ryo stares at him for awhile, then down at the CDs, and then back. As he goes to put them away in his bag, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, Yamapi is right.
--
“You’re crazy, someone might walk in here any second!” Shige shrieks.
“They will if you scream like that,” Ryo says, smirking as he pushes Shige back against the couch in the dressing room at the Tokyo Dome and straddles his hips. They only have awhile before the others get here to go over the preparations for the Dome concert that night and the following few days.
“You’re crazy,” Shige says again, but he doesn’t put up a fight as Ryo leans in close, ghosting his breath along Shige’s jaw.
“Yeah, you’ve said so already,” Ryo replies before kissing him.
Five minutes later, just as Ryo’s got a hand down Shige’s pants, the door opens and the rest of NEWS walk in.
“Oh,” Yamapi says, stopping in the doorway while Koyama looks torn between amused and shocked at the scene before him. Massu blinks like he doesn’t realize what he’s seeing and Tegoshi looks disgustingly smug as though he knew all along. Yamapi frowns. “Wait, when did you guys even get together?! After all the help I gave you, Ryo-chan, you never told me?”
Ryo is glaring murderously and Shige wonders if it’s possibly to die from sheer embarrassment. He pushes Ryo back and slides out from under him, ignoring Ryo’s indignant squawk of “Where are you going?!”
“I’m so not in the mood anymore,” Shige retorts, blushing even further when Tegoshi laughs loudly and shoves his way past Yamapi into the room. Koyama and Massu follows after him, both grinning at Shige who turns away to hide the blush in his cheeks.
Ryo grumbles at all of them and settles for glaring at Yamapi who asks, “Aren’t you going to answer my question?”
“No,” Ryo snaps while he mentally plans how to murder Yamapi in his sleep.
“Ryo-chan is so mean,” Yamapi laments dramatically and Ryo rolls his eyes.
Shige meets his gaze and smiles and Ryo ambles over to his side to say, “I’m going to kill Pi.”
Shige laughs, gently pats his elbow. “It’s not like he barged in here on purpose,” he says.
“Yeah, but he didn’t leave.”
“Well, at least now we don’t have to figure out how to tell them,” Shige replies. “Though I did already tell Koyama.”
Ryo gapes. “When did you tell Koyama?!”
“He’s my best friend, of course I told him,” Shige defends. “I’m surprised you didn’t tell Yamashita-kun.”
Ryo harrumphs, crossing his arms. “Pi’s an idiot. He’s going to tell Jin, who’s going to tell everyone else in the jimusho. It’s less complicated when no one knows.”
“Too late for that now,” Shige replies and leans in to give Ryo a quick kiss. When he pulls back he notices the rest of NEWS staring at them, and Ryo demands, “Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“Not really,” Yamapi responds, grinning, while Tegoshi adds, “You guys are so cute.”
Shige stops Ryo before he stomps off to do some bodily harm and says wearily, “Let’s just get to work, okay?” and surprisingly every listens. Shige gives Ryo another quick kiss and adds in a whisper, “We can continue with what we were doing later,” and laughs when Ryo finally stops scowling.
--
“I like you!” Shige blurts out and Ryo pauses in putting his arm through the sleeve of his coat. They’ve just wrapped up the meeting for the final Dome concerts coming up in a few days, the end of their Winter Party Diamond tour, and Ryo and Shige had plans to go out for a late dinner afterward. This, however, was the last thing Ryo expected to happen. “I-I mean, I think,” Shige continues before Ryo can gather his thoughts, “I might, you know, love you.”
Ryo stares, dumbstruck, as his fingers fall lax where they hold his coat up and it ends up hanging awkwardly off one shoulder. “W-What?” he asks, uncertain whether he heard Shige right.
Shige licks his lips, meets Ryo’s eyes and that surprises him. He’s not staring down at his feet or over Ryo’s head, but directly at him, and all Ryo sees is the honesty. “I like you,” he repeats and his voice is stronger this time, like he made it over the hurdle to confess and now it’s easy.
“Shige, I-” Ryo starts, still not sure what to say because this isn’t something he expected to happen, ever.
But Shige grins. Ryo only notices how it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. A perfected Shige fake-smile. It makes his chest clench a little painfully around his heart. “Don’t worry about it, Nishikido-kun,” he says. “I’m not expecting you to feel the same way. I just, couldn’t keep it in any longer.”
Ryo feels awful, like he did something wrong. He finally manages to pull on his jacket completely, smoothing down the front in an attempt to distract himself, to figure out what to say.
But Shige is smarter than Ryo ever will be, and he keeps smiling as he adds, “I don’t want this to change anything. We’re still friends, right?”
“O-Of course,” Ryo rushes to agree.
“Then it’s fine,” Shige says firmly, like this settles everything. “Then we should be getting dinner now, right? You’re paying.”
Ryo feels a little like he’s been hit with a bus. “Shige,” he says, quietly, continuing to stand where he is by the couch even though Shige’s walked up to the door, holding it open.
“It’s okay,” he says, though he doesn’t sound like it’s okay at all. “I feel better now, that I’ve told you.”
Ryo thinks that’s completely unfair, because now he just feels worse. But the look in Shige’s eyes now is pleading, begging Ryo to not let this change anything. And although Ryo knows everything will change, he indulges Shige, because, right now, he doesn’t want anything to change, either.
“I always buy your dinner,” he ends up saying, grabbing his bag off the couch as he passes Shige out of the door and pretends not to hear Shige’s sigh of relief.
“Then you can buy me dessert, too,” Shige says as he falls into step beside him and Ryo laughs genuinely, leading Shige to give him the first true smile since the start of their conversation.
Ryo thinks he’ll forever remember that smile, that smile on that day that changes everything.
--
part two
Pairing: Ryo/Shige
Rating: PG-13/R
Warnings: some angstyness, some sappiness, overall weirdness and a non-linear timeline
Summary: In which Ryo is kind of an idiot, Shige is surprisingly confident and together they take the long route on the way from starting out as bandmates towards ending up as something more.
Author’s Note: 24,137 words. This fic is... I don’t really know. It just started out with me writing a random scene and then it just took off from there on its own. A lot of it was inspired by the translations here and I don’t know. I’ve always kind of wanted to write a RyoShige fic like this, though I never expected it to end up so long, lol. This fic is definitely my baby, and I’ve been tearing myself to shreds over writing it these past few weeks.
The title is from the song of the same name by Lifehouse which I listened to a lot while writing and is somehow quite apt. XD Also thank you to boycottbananas and carmine_pink who gave me little ideas for some scenes in the fic, and also to reiicharu who listened to me whine and cry and rant about this fic and telling me it didn’t completely suck. XD ♥ ♥ ♥
Anyway, I really, really hope you’ll enjoy it, even a little. ♥
“I’m going to be late,” Shige exclaims, hopping on a foot as he tries to get his other leg through his jeans.
Ryo watches from where he’s sprawled across the bed, resting his head on his arm, amusement in his eyes. When Shige almost falls flat on his face he says, “Slow down, genius.”
“I’m going to be late,” Shige reiterates, finally tugging on his pants and reaching for a t-shirt next, sifting through the drawers until he finds an acceptable piece and tugs it over his head.
He jumps when Ryo suddenly wraps his arms around his waist and presses a kiss to the nape of his neck. Instantly he relaxes and feels Ryo smirk into his skin. “I have to go,” he says, not sounding one bit like he actually wants to.
“I know,” Ryo says, steps back and lets Shige go. Shige’s surprised Ryo’s not going to try and make him late on purpose, turns to give the older man a thankful smile. Ryo grins and heads toward the bathroom. “I didn’t expect the morning to go quite like this. After all, it’s the first time I’ve stayed over here with you like this.” He winks, teasing, and Shige blushes furiously.
“Yeah, well,” Shige says quickly, turning away and putting the clothes he’d dropped back into the drawer before slamming it shut. Even though Ryo had slept over, that’s really all he did, having just returned from work in Osaka and coming straight over to see Shige. “Nothing would’ve happened even if I didn’t have to get to school.”
Now Ryo pouts at him from where he’s leaning against the doorframe. “So boring, Shige,” he says, sighs, and Shige rolls his eyes before gasping again that Ryo’s making him late.
He grabs his book bag from his desk in the corner and heads for the door, but Ryo’s blocking his way. Frowning, he tries to shove past him but Ryo doesn’t move, looking amused as Shige fights him.
“Ryo,” he says, frustrated because Ryo’s being a pain and because he actually, really, doesn’t want to go to class. He knows Ryo has the day off, a rare one, and he would rather stay here all day if he could.
Ryo finally steps aside but follows Shige to the genkan and says, “You only have one class today, don’t you? Can’t you miss it?”
“No,” Shige says, crouching as he laces up his shoes. But the tone of his voice doesn’t even convince himself and he makes the mistake of glancing up into Ryo’s eyes.
Ryo smirks. “You want to miss it,” he accuses like Shige’s a horrible student for even considering it, despite the fact that Ryo’s coaxing him to do it anyway.
“I do,” Shige confesses, knows there’s no reason not to, and gets to his feet, staring at Ryo for a few moments until his shoulders slump and he gives in.
Ryo’s grinning at him as he rests his hands on Shige’s waist and Shige drops his book bag to the floor.
“You’re an awful influence,” Shige says before Ryo kisses him.
“You should brush your teeth,” Shige adds when Ryo pulls away.
“I think you should shut up,” Ryo retorts and Shige wisely does, letting Ryo kiss him again and deciding this is definitely worth it to skip one class.
--
Shige’s eyes widen in surprise as he turns quickly to Ryo who is staring at him expectantly. He blinks. “W-Wait, me?” he asks uncertainly, because, if he heard right, Ryo just invited him out to eat the next day.
Ryo gives Shige a hesitant smile that makes Shige’s heart jump; he’s never on the receiving end of Ryo’s rare smiles. They’re always reserved for Yamapi and occasionally Tegoshi, never Shige. Ryo nods and wets his lips before he says, sounding a little amused, “Yes, you. Do you want to?”
This must be a joke, Shige thinks. Ryo has never before shown any interest in making Shige a friend, or at least anything more than a bandmate. Being asked out to eat with him on Shige’s day off is startling, but not completely unwelcome. He’s not sure, though, if Ryo is setting him up. Wouldn’t it hurt if it turns out it was all a trick?
But he looks into Ryo’s eyes, sees the honesty, the nervousness in them even though he’s still staring at Shige nonchalantly like he doesn’t care whether Shige accepts or not. And so, heart beating madly, Shige finally nods and says, “Sure. When and where?”
Ryo actually lets out a soft breath and his expression relaxes and Shige wonders how long Ryo’s been possibly plucking up the courage to do this. The thought makes him smile as Ryo asks Shige if he’s heard of this small ramen restaurant, and they make plans to meet there the next day for lunch.
Shige leaves work that day uncertain of how things will be tomorrow, but finding that he hasn’t been this excited for something in a long while.
--
Shige hesitates, staring down at the blinking cursor on his phone, the white background almost mocking him as he contemplates writing his message. He hasn’t seen him for awhile. Almost over a month. Definitely not since the tour and promotions for Hoshi wo Mezashite had ended. He hasn’t talked to him since then and he doesn’t want to make anything awkward. But, he thinks, not saying anything is just as awkward. They’re band mates, right? They made it through their hiatus and they came back even stronger and Shige shouldn’t over-think things like this. He should just go with his instinct.
And his instinct tells him that words of encouragement, of congratulations, are never unwelcome, so, biting his lower lip he types it up and sends it off before he can change his mind.
He doesn’t really expect an answer, but half a day later, by the time Shige’s almost forgotten about it, his phone beeps in his pocket. And the mail that he reads makes his face split into a grin and everyone at school the next few days comment on his exceptional mood.
Your message surprised me, and even though it was
kind of embarrassing, it made me really happy.
You’re the first to say anything.
Thanks, Shige. I’ll work hard on the tour.
You should too.
Let’s go out to eat or something next time. :)
--Ryo
--
The room is pitch-black when Ryo eases open the door and sneaks in. He curses under his breath when he walks into a few pairs of shoes on his way toward the beds. Peering through the darkness, he determines the one with the Shige-sized lump on it and smiles to himself as he heads over, rests a hand on Shige’s shoulder.
Shige stirs, turning as he blinks open his eyes. He jumps a little, startled, and Ryo smirks as he shoves Shige over and climbs into bed with him.
“What’re you doing?” Shige hisses, even as he makes room for Ryo, letting Ryo’s arms wrap around his waist.
“Sleeping,” Ryo answers, eyes closing. He can feel Shige’s gaze on him and Shige makes it a few moments until he pokes Ryo in the cheek. “What?” Ryo questions.
“What’re you doing?” Shige repeats.
“Shut up,” Ryo says. “I bribed Pi with lunch for two weeks so he’d entertain Koyama for awhile. I just want to sleep with you.”
Now Shige’s look has meaning, and Ryo’s sure Shige can see him blush even in the darkness. “Shut up,” he says again. “Sleep.”
Shige wisely doesn’t say anything else and curls up next to Ryo, snuggling under the covers. A few minutes later he says, “Wait, you told Yamashita-kun?”
“No,” Ryo says. “I just made up an excuse. He looked suspicious though.”
Shige waits a few beats and then says quietly, “We should probably tell them now, you know. It has been almost a year.”
Ryo peers his eyes open. Shige’s are still closed, but he stares at his face, making out the soft, beautiful features and smiles as he closes his eyes again. He holds Shige closer. “They’re all just too stupid to realize it,” he replies. “And, besides, I kind of like having you as a secret.”
Shige laughs into Ryo’s collarbone, his breath warm against his skin, and replies, “How cute.”
“Shut up,” Ryo mutters again, squirming embarrassedly. “We only have twenty minutes, max.”
Shige shuts up, lets Ryo pull him closer and listens to the rapid sound of Ryo’s heartbeat, lulling him into such a deep, peaceful sleep he never notices Ryo leave. In the morning, when he meets Ryo’s eyes over Tegoshi’s during breakfast and they smile at each other for a brief second, Shige thinks he quite likes their secret, too.
--
Ryo sucks in a deep breath, standing up straighter and gathering all of his courage before he pushes open and bathroom door.
The sniffling is just barely audible and it makes his heart ache. Biting his lower lip walks inside and around the corner finds Shige crouched before the sink, his hands holding himself up against the porcelain. His shoulders shake with tiny sobs.
“Shige?” he says quietly, staying a few feet away, giving him space.
Shige tenses immediately. He looks over his shoulder and his eyes widen when he finds Ryo. Hastily he looks away and rubs furiously at his eyes as he stands up. “What,” he starts, pauses, swallowing around the thickness in his throat before continuing, “What do you want, Nishikido-kun?”
His voice is a little sharp; Ryo’s never heard him speak like that before and it surprises him. “Look,” Ryo says, staring at the floor because now he can see Shige’s face in the mirror, the red eyes and the tear-streaked cheeks, the quiver of his lips as he tries to reign in his tremors. It makes him feel like a douche, knowing he caused this, and he clenches his fists tight at his sides and stares resolutely at a dirty spot on the floor.
Except he’s not good at this kind of thing. He’s never been. Words just kind of come out on their own when he’s frustrated and angry and he can never deal with the consequences. Before, though, he’s never really made anyone cry. Not for real, not like this.
He sighs deeply and says lamely, “I’m sorry.”
Shige doesn’t say anything and the silence bounces off the tiled walls. Ryo continues to eye the spot on the floor, wondering what could have made it and then deciding it’s probably better not to know. Once it feels like an hour has gone by but has probably only been two minutes, Ryo tears his gaze away and looks at Shige.
His heart jumps to his throat because Shige’s staring right back at him. He looks confused and upset and Ryo has a sudden urge to walk over and wipe the tears from his eyes with his thumb.
He does no such thing, of course, and when Shige still doesn’t say anything, impatience rises in Ryo’s veins and short-circuits to his mouth. “What?” he snaps, “I just apologize and you don’t have anything to say?”
Now Shige looks taken aback, almost like he might cry again and Ryo grumbles as he combs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “Really. Shige, I-I’m not good at this kind of thing. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
Shige stares at him with baited breath, and Ryo plunges on before he loses his nerve, “So, just, I’m sorry, okay? Now stop, stop being such a girl and come back to practice. Because what I said about your crappy dancing was true. And I’m not taking it back.”
This is definitely not how he’d planned on apologizing and when Pi and Uchi hear about it later they’ll probably roll their eyes at his poor attempt but Ryo doesn’t lie and if it makes Shige cry again then what’s he supposed to do?
Shige laughs quietly under his breath and says, “You are kind of bad at this.”
Ryo glares, because despite the fact that he made Shige cry and could probably deal with a little teasing, Ryo’s still the sempai here and it’s not as though they’re friends. But before he can snap at Shige some more, Shige seems to realize his fault and inclines his head at Ryo. Despite being a little taller, Shige looks much more vulnerable than Ryo right now, and Ryo once again feels like an ass. Of course, not enough to make any more amends to their already tense situation.
Instead, Shige says quietly, “Thank you, Nishikido-kun,” and Ryo’s eyes widen, completely baffled, because the last thing he ever expected Shige to do is thank him for anything.
Flushing, Ryo snaps quickly, “What for?”
Shige stands straight, and even then he still looks small, awkward. But the words that come from his mouth are strong and firm and Ryo is left a little winded. “Thank you, for being honest with me,” he says like it’s obvious. “And thank you for trying to comfort me. Just, thank you.”
Now Ryo’s blushing furiously and the way Shige is looking at him with bright eyes makes him even more embarrassed. He barks, “R-Right, you should be grateful. I’m just that magnanimous, you know!”
And before Shige can say anything else he turns swiftly and stomps toward the door. “Come on!” he shouts. “We have work to do. And if you mess up another simple dance routine, I won’t be so nice about it.”
Shige laughs and follows and when they return to the others, Koyama is instantly fussing over Shige while Ryo harrumphs and yells out orders to get back into formation. Shige doesn’t make a single mistake the rest of the day, and Ryo feels something like pride in his chest when he catches Shige’s triumphant smile as they part ways.
--
“You’ve been hanging out with him a lot, lately,” Koyama says suspiciously as he rocks back and forth from his perch on the edge of Shige’s bed.
Shige pauses in his note-taking and spins around his chair to eye Koyama. “With who?” he questions, but he already knows.
“Ryo-chan,” Koyama replies. “You’re going for dinner tonight, aren’t you?”
Shige flushes. “How do you know that?” he demands, because he doesn’t recall telling Koyama.
Koyama smirks. He points to the calendar on the wall behind Shige’s head. “You have it written there,” he says, smirk widening when Shige spins around to look. “Dinner with Nishikido-kun at seven,” he reads out loud in a mocking voice. “How cute.”
“S-Shut up!” Shige exclaims, blushing profusely. “It’s just dinner. I didn’t want to forget. You know how Nishikido-kun can be.”
Koyama makes a skeptical humming noise and Shige throws the pen in his hand at his head. Koyama dodges it easily and continues to look smug. “You like him, don’t you?” he questions.
“Of course not,” Shige grumbles. “It’s not like that! It’s just dinner with a friend and will you stop looking at me like that!”
Koyama collapses into laughter that quickly turns into a squeal as he runs away from Shige’s impending attack.
--
Los Angeles is exciting. Being back together with the group is exciting. It’s the first major event they’ve had since their official return at Countdown, even if it’s secret from the fans. It’s just a photo shoot, but it’s in LA and it’s with all six of them. Shige has been to LA once before, but not like this. It’s different, somehow, being there with the rest of NEWS.
The hot sun is on his back as he lies upon the sand at the beach behind their hotel. He’s reading a book, or trying to, because his attention continues to be distracted from where he can see Yamapi and Ryo surfing just over the top of his book whenever he glances up. Koyama, Massu and Tegoshi are out shopping but Shige dismissed their guilt trips and stayed behind instead, just wanting to relax after a long day out for photo shooting.
Truth is, Shige might have just wanted an excuse to stick around Ryo. Even if they’re not actually hanging out together, Shige would much rather be here, sneakily watching Ryo surf than being dragged around by Koyama, Tegoshi and Massu.
He doesn’t really know why, though. Ryo and Yamapi were the two people from NEWS he didn’t get a chance to see very much over their hiatus, so Shige doesn’t blame himself for wanting to spend some time with them, even if it’s like this. But the longer Shige watches them surf, the more obvious it becomes that he’s really only paying attention to Ryo.
Whatever that might mean, Shige has no clue, so he tries to focus on reading instead. It works for awhile and he’s so absorbed in it that he doesn’t notice Ryo flopping down next to him until a wet hand trails up his spine and suddenly ruffles his hair.
Shige jumps and whirls around to find Ryo grinning at him, pushing his wet hair from his face, his surfboard propped up in the sand next to him. Shige glances at his sunkissed skin, the water droplets trickling over the curve of his clavicle and then tears his eyes away.
“What was that for?” he questions, hoping he sounds as whiny as he intends to, and not anxious like he feels.
“We’re on vacation and you sit here and read,” Ryo says, stretching out across his beach towel.
“Actually we’re here for work,” Shige corrects and the corner of Ryo’s mouth twitches upwards, “and there’s nothing wrong with just sitting here and reading. It’s relaxing.”
“You’re always reading something,” Ryo accuses, but not in a bad way, Shige realizes, more like he’s pointing it out, curious. “Is it that fun?”
“You read a lot, too,” Shige says, recalling moments from before the hiatus when Ryo would read various books in between photo shoots and meetings and juggling two bands.
Ryo sighs, shrugs. “I try, but I’m not like you.” He grins.
Shige shakes his head, reaching up to shove at Ryo’s shoulder. “That has nothing to do with it,” he says and Ryo laughs as he moves away from Shige’s attack. “If you’re interested in something, you should read about it.” He shrugs. “That’s really all there is to it.”
Ryo eyes him for a few moments, a smile in the corner of his lips, his gaze soft and assessing. Shige squirms under the look but doesn’t glance away, determinedly keeping eye contact until Ryo chuckles and ruffles Shige’s hair again. Shige’s heart whoops in his chest, his face heating up, and he splutters incoherently until Ryo says, “You’ve changed, since NEWS went on hiatus.”
Again it’s not accusatory, just outright and blunt like Ryo always is, and Shige finds himself laughing. “Did I change for the better?” he asks Ryo who grins.
“Not sure yet,” Ryo replies and winks at him before he drops his head into the pillow of his arms and closes his eyes, ending the conversation.
Shige stares at him for few seconds, feeling warm all over, surprised by their conversation, the easiness of it, before he turns back to his book and reads.
--
Ryo shrugs out of the coat they’d made him wear for the shoot and hands it to the costume-lady with a bow and an Otsukaresamadeshita. He heads back to the dressing room, expecting to find it empty, the other members having finished earlier and left. Ryo was last because he still has a shoot with Kanjani8 in ten minutes, or whenever his other group finally gets here.
Right now, though, he finds Shige lying across one of the couches, a book open precariously between his lax fingertips on his chest that rises and falls with every soft breath. Ryo realizes before he sees his face that he’s asleep and peers over the edge of the couch to take in his face.
He’s definitely different when he’s sleeping like this, Ryo thinks. Soft and relaxed instead of the frantic mess he’s been lately with exams coming up. He wonders what he’s still doing here and contemplates waking him, not wanting to disturb him but not wanting him to miss anything if he has plans and somehow forgot.
He reaches out and shakes his shoulder, mutters, “Shige, get up.”
Shige grumbles for a bit before he opens his eyes and jumps back when he finds Ryo staring at him. Ryo laughs, amused, and says, “Awake? You fell asleep here. What were you doing?”
Shige sits up, his book falling to the floor but he leaves it there in favor of yawning and stretching first. Ryo goes around to retrieve it instead, glancing at the complicated title about law and theories. “I have a meeting to go right after this,” Shige says sleepily. “They were sending a car to come get me but it hasn’t arrived yet, so I was just studying for a bit. Must’ve fallen asleep.”
Ryo hands him back his book. “You study too much,” he says.
Shige grins. “Probably,” he admits. “But I like it.”
Ryo makes a humming noise in the back of his throat. He doesn’t really understand, school was never that interesting to him. He likes to learn, but studying has never been his forte. Shige who can read pages upon pages on various subjects and take diligent notes and ace his tests is pretty amazing to Ryo, although he won’t ever tell him that. “Be sure to rest once in awhile, too,” he says eventually as Shige packs up his things.
“You, too,” Shige replies and Ryo looks at him in surprise. “You work just as hard as I study,” he explains, and smiles.
Before Ryo can find something to say in response to that, Shige’s standing and heading for the door. “I’m sure the car is here, now. I’ll see you later, Nishikido-kun.”
He gives Ryo another soft smile before disappearing behind the door and for the rest of the day Ryo tries to erase the image of that smile from his brain.
--
Shige thinks he’s not drunk enough for this, but Ryo probably thinks it’s fine since he’s drunk enough for both of them. Yamapi is snoring across the backseat, already passed out from a night of bar-hopping, and Shige wishes he could be him right now instead of constantly trying to manhandle Ryo away. A very drunk Ryo who has his hands and mouth all over Shige.
Despite the numerous times he’s gone out drinking with them, this is the first time anything like this has happened. Shige is usually the affectionate drunk. Yamapi’s the kind that giggles a lot and doesn’t censor himself, surprisingly loud and bold, a complete contrast to his professional self that Shige sees on a daily basis. Ryo, on the other hand, is more or less the same as he always is, and up until now, he’s never been touchy-feely like this.
So touchy-feely in fact that Shige’s sure he’ll get them into an accident before he can drive them safely back to his apartment. “Nishikido-kun,” he says as firmly as he can, pushing Ryo back over to his own seat. “If you don’t stop I’ll kill all of us.”
Ryo actually pouts. Shige hates that he instantly finds it kind of cute. But thankfully Ryo sits back in his seat and doesn’t try to attack Shige again.
Shige gets them to his apartment because it’s closest and by then Ryo is almost passed out in the front seat much like Yamapi in the back. Right now, he’s just glad they don’t have work at all the next day, finally getting a little break after the end of the Diamond tour a week ago.
Sighing, Shige decides to pull Yamapi up first, nearly dragging him to the elevator and up to his apartment after ensuring Ryo stays put. He leaves Yamapi on his bed and comes back down for Ryo who has woken up again but thankfully didn’t try to leave the car.
“Come on, Nishikido-kun,” Shige says, holding the door open for him and pulling on his arm to get him out. “You can’t sleep here.”
“Shige,” Ryo says in a low voice that makes Shige’s heart jump. He’s looking up at him with wide eyes and Shige sighs, tries to recall just how much Ryo had to drink. It wasn’t that much, but maybe Ryo just gets drunk easily.
He sighs again and pulls him out of the car and instantly Ryo’s clinging to him like a limpet, arms hooked around Shige’s neck, pressing his face to Shige’s shoulder. Shige feels his skin burn from the proximity, and he nearly topples them to the ground as he loses his balance. He manages to catch himself against the side of the car, Ryo leaning against him, fingers hot against the nape of his neck, trailing down his back.
“Nishikido-kun-” Shige starts and is cut off by Ryo kissing him.
It’s uncoordinated and tastes of three different types of liquor mixed with cigarette smoke and Shige is definitely not drunk enough for this -no matter how good it makes him feel, no matter how much he wants it. Ryo’s not the best kisser when drunk, clearly just trying to lick his way through Shige’s mouth, but Shige wouldn’t care if he was the worst kisser in the world for how intoxicating this is, his mind spinning like he’s inebriated, too.
And then he remembers that this is Ryo, Ryo who is impossibly drunk and probably won’t remember any of this in the morning and no matter how good this feels Shige shouldn’t let it get any further. Especially when Ryo is pushing him against the car and grinding against him and Shige can feel how hard he is, surprised by it in his drunken state, and leaving him wondering in the corner of his mind if maybe Ryo’s not as intoxicated as he thinks he is.
He’s determined to end it though, even if his libido yells at him for it. He puts all his strength into pushing Ryo away and gasping, “Stop,” as loudly as he can. His fingers tremble as they press into Ryo’s shoulder to keep their distance.
Ryo licks his lips, his eyes black and slightly unfocused. “But you like it,” he whispers and Shige’s heart stutters in his chest.
Of course I do, Shige thinks darkly, but whatever the case, Shige doesn’t want to do this. Not like this. Not when Ryo will probably forget in the morning and Shige won’t. He already knows he’ll never forget this. He doesn’t think he wants to forget it. How can he, when his feelings for Ryo have been lying dormant inside of him for over a month after his confession, after the rejection? How can he, when despite how much he told himself to get over it, to keep things the way they were, the more he sees Ryo, the more he hangs out with him, the more he falls?
He shuts the open car door and locks it and drags Ryo off to the elevator, making sure Ryo doesn’t try anything else. He doesn’t, and Shige’s not sure if he’s thankful or not, just keeping his eyes straight before him even though he can feel Ryo’s gaze on him.
Once in his apartment and pushes Ryo into bed next to Yamapi and says wearily, “Go to sleep.” Before he can turn away, Ryo catches his wrist, tugs, and Shige falls against his chest, groaning before Ryo captures his lips in another kiss.
This time Shige’s quicker, pushing away before Ryo can get too far, and not even the intense look in Ryo’s eyes is enough for Shige to give in. “Stop it, Nishikido-kun,” he mutters, hoping he sounds angry and not desperate, and before Ryo can do anything else, Shige escapes and shuts himself in the bathroom.
It’s only when he’s safe inside does he realize he’s hard, his chest heaving with staggered breaths. He hates himself for reacting like this, for not being strong enough to forget his feelings for Ryo. And after this, after feeling him against him, he wonders if he’ll ever be able to forget it.
Shige’s just glad it didn’t get any further. He’ll be able to deal with this, he thinks. Ryo won’t remember, Ryo will never have to know.
He lies on the couch that night after taking a shower and jerking off, his mind full of images of Ryo, of how it felt kissing him, pressed up against him. He doesn’t fall asleep until dawn starts to creep through the windows.
In the morning, Ryo is kicking Shige awake, literally, and demanding, “What the fuck happened last night?”
Shige looks him straight in the eye, licks his lips that still taste of Ryo, and says, “Nothing,” even though it breaks his heart just that much more.
--
Ryo winces at the sound of the chord change, pauses and leans over his guitar to erase the notes in his notebook. He tries a different arrangement, another, and one more, before he decides what he likes best and adds it to the composition. He glances over the page, eyeing the chords and patterns before he starts from the beginning and plays to where he left off.
He jumps when Shige says, “That was good,” his voice in Ryo’s ear and he turns to find Shige peering over the back of the couch at his notes.
Ryo flushes, Shige’s eyes turning to him with warmth, respect. “Really?” he asks, half self-conscious, half dubious. They’re taking a break during a day full of meetings for their upcoming concert tour to mark the release of their first album since the hiatus. The others had left the room instantly but Ryo had opted to stay behind, and he’s surprised to find Shige there, too, wondering if he’d been there the whole time and feeling embarrassed.
Shige doesn’t say anything about that, though. He just nods. “I liked it,” he replies. “New solo?” He walks around the side of the couch, sits beside Ryo.
“Don’t know yet,” Ryo says. “It’s just, been in my head for awhile. Trying to finally put it down.”
“Play it again,” Shige says quietly and Ryo stares at him curiously for a moment before Shige grins and adds, “I just want to hear. Maybe I can help.”
“As if,” Ryo mumbles as he looks away quickly and wonders why his heart is suddenly beating so fast. He positions the guitar properly on his lap, eyes the sheet music again, and starts to play. He messes up in the fifth measure and flushes, giving Shige a sidelong glance before looking back. Shige doesn’t say anything, doesn’t acknowledge Ryo’s look or sudden nervousness, but he does stand and starts walking around the dressing room aimlessly.
Without him sitting next to him Ryo’s heart calms down and he pushes away the questioning voice in his head about why Shige would make him so nervous anyway, and focuses on his music. This time he doesn’t mess up and he plays through what he’s written once, twice, and on the third time Shige is humming with him and the low sound makes Ryo’s skin tingle long after they’ve stopped.
Shige is grinning when Ryo seeks his eyes again and he sits down on the opposing couch instead of next to Ryo. “I really like it,” he says again. “Have you thought of lyrics?”
“Not yet. I have words in my head, just different things, but I really don’t know what I’m doing with this song yet.”
“Well, if you want-” Shige starts and then bits his lower lip, suddenly shy. “I could help, you know. Maybe we could write it together?”
Ryo appraises him but before he can say anything Shige rushes to add, “I’m not as good at writing music as you, but-”
“Shut up,” Ryo cuts across him and then smiles at Shige’s startled expression. “You’ve written your solos before. You already know I like Kakao,” and Shige flushes at the remembrance of Ryo occasionally belting out the lyrics to his song throughout their tour earlier that year, “and you wrote Road with Pi, too. You used to play a lot, before you got busy with school. I know you’re good, Shige.”
“Not like you,” Shige insists.
“I said shut up,” Ryo says, eyes narrowing for a second before he laughs. “But if you want to, we could write something together.” He meets Shige’s eyes awkwardly and they both glance away at the same time.
“I’d like to,” Shige says finally and Ryo’s heart thumps when he looks back at him, sees the softness of Shige’s expression.
“Okay,” he says, swallows thickly, “okay.” He shuffles over a little and adds, “Come over here. Tell me what you think of this.”
He starts to play and they work together silently and ten minutes later when Yamapi and Koyama return first at the end of their break, they stop in the doorway and stare in surprise.
“What?” Ryo demands, aware that his skin is heating up already. Shige shifts next to him, his knee brushes Ryo’s and it sends a jolt through him.
“Nothing,” Yamapi says but he looks smug and Ryo knows he’ll hear about this later.
Koyama, however, just smiles and says, “That sounded good. We could hear it in the hall. Play some more, Ryo-chan?”
“No,” Ryo grumbles, shuffling the music sheets together and shoving them into a binder. “It’s a secret.”
“What is?” Tegoshi questions curiously when he and Massu walk into the room.
“Ryo-chan and Shige’s love song,” Yamapi answers promptly and grins, unaffected, when Ryo shoots him a dangerous glare.
Shige blushing slightly, protests, “It’s not,” but everyone just smirks at them, clearly unconvinced. Shige glances at Ryo who just rolls his eyes at the stupidity of his group and tells Shige, “You should come over sometime and we’ll work on this more.”
Shige’s eyes widen but he rushes to nod. “Okay,” he agrees and Ryo grins, stands to go put his guitar away and for the rest of the day, he can’t get the sound of the song, of Shige’s low humming out of his ears.
--
The park is empty, but it’s not surprising at nine in the evening, the sun just disappearing over the horizon and darkness stretching across the sky. The summer night is cool as they walk side by side, the fabric of their clothing brushing together at their elbows.
When the playground comes into site, Shige grins. He nudges Ryo in the ribs and says, “Race you!” and before Ryo can react he’s off toward the swings.
Ryo shouts, “Are you five?!” after him but when Shige glances over his shoulder, Ryo’s smiling, running after.
Unaware of where he’s running, Shige trips over his feet and lands backwards into the sandbox, groaning in pain as his back hits the wooden edge surrounding the playground. Ryo is there in the next second, concern in his eyes while his mouth twitches to hide a laugh. Shige glowers up at him from behind his bangs and Ryo holds out a hand for him that Shige takes, heaving himself back up to his feet.
“Ow,” he complains and Ryo finally cracks, turning away to laugh, his fingers warm against Shige’s as he holds on still. Shige’s lips stretch into an amused smiles as he says, “Thanks for laughing at my pain, Ryo.”
Ryo kisses him, his free hand reaching around Shige’s waist to rub against the sore spot. Shige smiles against his lips, Ryo’s touch already making the sting fade away and he pulls back a few moments later, licking his lips.
“You okay?” Ryo asks genuinely and Shige nods. “Good. Then come here and push me.” He walks off toward a swing and hops on and Shige eyes him with amusement.
“And you were calling me a five-year-old,” Shige says but with a sigh he trudges over and shoves at Ryo until he gets enough momentum before joining him on the other swing.
The wind in his face is cool and welcoming as they compete to see who can get higher with laughter that rings in the darkness. When Shige gets bored of swinging, he jumps off and lands perfectly on his feet. Ryo looks surprised that he didn’t fall flat on his face when Shige turns to grin triumphantly at him.
“I bet I could land further than you,” Ryo calls out and Shige laughs, waits for him expectantly, crossing arms over his chest. Ryo jumps and lands a foot before Shige, looking furiously when he realizes he failed.
Shige says, “Guess height isn’t the only thing you fall short at,” and half-laughs, half-screams when Ryo lunges at him, taking off in the other direction, around the slide and beneath the monkey bars.
Ryo’s hot on his heels, both of them laughing as they run up and around the playground like ten year olds. Shige almost gets stuck in the tube slide when he jumps in to escape Ryo, and Ryo, smirking as he gets an idea, hops off the playground and runs around to start climbing up from the end of the slide. Laughing, Shige tries to shimmy backwards but Ryo is smaller and doesn’t have the same size problem as Shige. He gets up as far as he can, slipping occasionally until Shige grabs his hands and pulls him close, holding him in place.
They kiss inside the slide, a little uncomfortably on Shige’s part though Ryo’s lips on his makes it sweet. Shige’s not sure how long they spend there, kissing slowly, softly, innocently, like kids hiding from their parents, but when they finally pull apart the air around them is hot and humid. Shige laughs, pushing at Ryo until Ryo turns around and slides down and Shige follows after a moment of difficulty.
Ryo pulls him up to his feet, holding one of Shige’s hands in each of his, and kisses him again. They hold hands as they take the longer way out of the empty park and back toward Shige’s apartment, and right now Shige thinks he almost doesn’t care if someone saw them, feeling too happy to be afraid.
--
Shige’s not sure what to think when he sees him, walking down the sidewalk toward him, talking on his phone, a black cap pulled lower over his face, and sunglasses perched on his nose. Shige hasn’t seen him or talked to him since the tour ended, since the start of the hiatus. Even then, the last thing they said to one another was a simple, half-hearted Otsukare, eyes downcast. Unless Shige’s message at the start of Ryo’s tour with Kanjani8 counted as talking, it’s been months since they’ve spoken to each other.
He wonders if he should stop and say hi, because, despite it all, Shige is happy to see him, to know he’s doing well, and he wouldn’t mind talking to him, for a little bit. Shige isn’t sure what Ryo would want, though, and right now he seems concerned by his phone-call, not even noticing the people around him, the few high school girls who stop and point, whisper quickly at each other.
Only when Shige gets bumped in the shoulder does he realize he’s stopped walking altogether, lost in his thoughts. And that’s when he decides it doesn’t even really matter, he doesn’t have much time, anyway, has to get home and study, he has tests coming up, and-
“Shige?”
Shige jumps, turning around to see that Ryo had actually passed him, but now is standing just behind him, pulling off his sunglasses as if to get a better look.
“It is you,” Ryo says, and now he grins, and hangs up on whoever he was talking to without a goodbye.
Shige gapes and Ryo laughs, adds, “Oh, it was just Pi. I can call him back.” And then he’s standing before Shige, looking ten times more attractive than he did when Shige last saw him, or maybe that’s because Shige hasn’t seen him in so long. Either way, his heart stutters frantically in his chest and his mind seems to have committed fatal suicide.
“Are you busy?” Ryo questions and Shige regains himself enough to quickly shake his head. “Great. I was just going to get some coffee. Come with me.”
It’s an order, not a question, but Shige follows him, anyway. They walk side by side silently, but Shige wonders if Ryo can hear the way his heart is beating out of his chest. They order drinks and settle into a table for two at a nearby Starbucks, and Ryo is pulling off his sunglasses and cap before he smiles at Shige over the rim of his cup and says, “It’s good to see you.”
Shige’s stomach does a dangerous dive-bomb and he smiles back. “You, too,” he says, and means it.
--
“Don’t you think you’re being a little too hard on him?” Yamapi asks as he leans against the side of the building, watching as Ryo lights up a cigarette between his lips.
“Who?” Ryo asks after he lets out a smoky breath.
“You know who,” Yamapi replies, a little impatiently.
“Are you seriously giving me a Leader talk?” Ryo demands, incredulous, and laughs when Yamapi glares and shoves at him. “And, fine, to answer your question, I treat Shige the same way I treat everyone else.”
Yamapi snorts. “No you don’t,” he says. “You constantly tease him, ridicule him, and mock him. Essentially you act like a thirteen-year-old whenever you’re around him.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Ryo says. “I make fun of him because it’s easy to. I make fun of you all the time.”
“Yeah, but it’s different.”
“It’s not like I hate him, Pi.”
“You sure have a weird way of showing you like him, though.”
“What do you want me to do? Kiss him?” Ryo scoffs, taking another drag of his cigarette and they both stare at the puff of smoke when he exhales, watching as it disappears into the grey sky. “While I think that would be amusing, Shige would probably not go for it.”
“Well, if you really want to, Ryo-chan,” Yamapi says sneakily, “I’m not going to stop you.”
Now Ryo shoves him, the tips of his ears turning red. “Shut the fuck up,” he snaps, disgruntled.
“Hey, you brought it up!” Yamapi grins.
“It was a joke!” Ryo cries, wondering why the thought of kissing Shige has him so flustered. “As if I’d ever want to kiss Shige.”
Yamapi makes a skeptical noise as he eyes Ryo and looks entirely unconvinced.
“You’re an awful friend, and an even worse leader. What kind of bullshit talk is this?” Ryo bitches, sucking on his cigarette and resisting the urge to punch Yamapi in the face.
“Just be nice to him,” Yamapi says, patting Ryo on the shoulder. “He’s not that bad.”
He says nothing more about it, changing the topic to some idiotic story Shirota had told Jin that Jin had told him and Ryo listens with one ear, his thoughts elsewhere, until they return inside at the end of their ten minute break.
Shige hands Ryo a few CDs the second Ryo walks into the dressing room and says, “I forgot I’d brought this with me today. I remember Nishikido-kun talking about this band awhile ago. I asked my friend from school if I could pass them along to you so you could hear. It was this group, right?” Ryo’s eyes widen in surprise and he scans the CD covers, and then looks back up at Shige incredulously.
“T-Thanks, Shige,” he says, and Shige just shakes his head, smiling brightly, before he adds, “I need them back in a week, at least! Don’t lose them!” and then heads off to join Koyama on the couch.
Ryo stares at him for awhile, then down at the CDs, and then back. As he goes to put them away in his bag, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, Yamapi is right.
--
“You’re crazy, someone might walk in here any second!” Shige shrieks.
“They will if you scream like that,” Ryo says, smirking as he pushes Shige back against the couch in the dressing room at the Tokyo Dome and straddles his hips. They only have awhile before the others get here to go over the preparations for the Dome concert that night and the following few days.
“You’re crazy,” Shige says again, but he doesn’t put up a fight as Ryo leans in close, ghosting his breath along Shige’s jaw.
“Yeah, you’ve said so already,” Ryo replies before kissing him.
Five minutes later, just as Ryo’s got a hand down Shige’s pants, the door opens and the rest of NEWS walk in.
“Oh,” Yamapi says, stopping in the doorway while Koyama looks torn between amused and shocked at the scene before him. Massu blinks like he doesn’t realize what he’s seeing and Tegoshi looks disgustingly smug as though he knew all along. Yamapi frowns. “Wait, when did you guys even get together?! After all the help I gave you, Ryo-chan, you never told me?”
Ryo is glaring murderously and Shige wonders if it’s possibly to die from sheer embarrassment. He pushes Ryo back and slides out from under him, ignoring Ryo’s indignant squawk of “Where are you going?!”
“I’m so not in the mood anymore,” Shige retorts, blushing even further when Tegoshi laughs loudly and shoves his way past Yamapi into the room. Koyama and Massu follows after him, both grinning at Shige who turns away to hide the blush in his cheeks.
Ryo grumbles at all of them and settles for glaring at Yamapi who asks, “Aren’t you going to answer my question?”
“No,” Ryo snaps while he mentally plans how to murder Yamapi in his sleep.
“Ryo-chan is so mean,” Yamapi laments dramatically and Ryo rolls his eyes.
Shige meets his gaze and smiles and Ryo ambles over to his side to say, “I’m going to kill Pi.”
Shige laughs, gently pats his elbow. “It’s not like he barged in here on purpose,” he says.
“Yeah, but he didn’t leave.”
“Well, at least now we don’t have to figure out how to tell them,” Shige replies. “Though I did already tell Koyama.”
Ryo gapes. “When did you tell Koyama?!”
“He’s my best friend, of course I told him,” Shige defends. “I’m surprised you didn’t tell Yamashita-kun.”
Ryo harrumphs, crossing his arms. “Pi’s an idiot. He’s going to tell Jin, who’s going to tell everyone else in the jimusho. It’s less complicated when no one knows.”
“Too late for that now,” Shige replies and leans in to give Ryo a quick kiss. When he pulls back he notices the rest of NEWS staring at them, and Ryo demands, “Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“Not really,” Yamapi responds, grinning, while Tegoshi adds, “You guys are so cute.”
Shige stops Ryo before he stomps off to do some bodily harm and says wearily, “Let’s just get to work, okay?” and surprisingly every listens. Shige gives Ryo another quick kiss and adds in a whisper, “We can continue with what we were doing later,” and laughs when Ryo finally stops scowling.
--
“I like you!” Shige blurts out and Ryo pauses in putting his arm through the sleeve of his coat. They’ve just wrapped up the meeting for the final Dome concerts coming up in a few days, the end of their Winter Party Diamond tour, and Ryo and Shige had plans to go out for a late dinner afterward. This, however, was the last thing Ryo expected to happen. “I-I mean, I think,” Shige continues before Ryo can gather his thoughts, “I might, you know, love you.”
Ryo stares, dumbstruck, as his fingers fall lax where they hold his coat up and it ends up hanging awkwardly off one shoulder. “W-What?” he asks, uncertain whether he heard Shige right.
Shige licks his lips, meets Ryo’s eyes and that surprises him. He’s not staring down at his feet or over Ryo’s head, but directly at him, and all Ryo sees is the honesty. “I like you,” he repeats and his voice is stronger this time, like he made it over the hurdle to confess and now it’s easy.
“Shige, I-” Ryo starts, still not sure what to say because this isn’t something he expected to happen, ever.
But Shige grins. Ryo only notices how it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. A perfected Shige fake-smile. It makes his chest clench a little painfully around his heart. “Don’t worry about it, Nishikido-kun,” he says. “I’m not expecting you to feel the same way. I just, couldn’t keep it in any longer.”
Ryo feels awful, like he did something wrong. He finally manages to pull on his jacket completely, smoothing down the front in an attempt to distract himself, to figure out what to say.
But Shige is smarter than Ryo ever will be, and he keeps smiling as he adds, “I don’t want this to change anything. We’re still friends, right?”
“O-Of course,” Ryo rushes to agree.
“Then it’s fine,” Shige says firmly, like this settles everything. “Then we should be getting dinner now, right? You’re paying.”
Ryo feels a little like he’s been hit with a bus. “Shige,” he says, quietly, continuing to stand where he is by the couch even though Shige’s walked up to the door, holding it open.
“It’s okay,” he says, though he doesn’t sound like it’s okay at all. “I feel better now, that I’ve told you.”
Ryo thinks that’s completely unfair, because now he just feels worse. But the look in Shige’s eyes now is pleading, begging Ryo to not let this change anything. And although Ryo knows everything will change, he indulges Shige, because, right now, he doesn’t want anything to change, either.
“I always buy your dinner,” he ends up saying, grabbing his bag off the couch as he passes Shige out of the door and pretends not to hear Shige’s sigh of relief.
“Then you can buy me dessert, too,” Shige says as he falls into step beside him and Ryo laughs genuinely, leading Shige to give him the first true smile since the start of their conversation.
Ryo thinks he’ll forever remember that smile, that smile on that day that changes everything.
--
part two