fic; hit this live (say hello with a fist)

[tatoeba]

Title: hit this live (say hello with a fist)
Pairing/Characters: Jin-centric, Ryo/Yamapi/Jin friendship, KAT-TUN (6nin) friendship, with appearances by Kusano, Shirota Yuu, Joey Tee, the rest of the Jin-crew, and probably others I'm forgetting. XD
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Within a year, Jin’s entire life changes.
Author’s Note: 10785 words. When I started this fic back in October, it was just meant to be a random RyoPin being RyoPin fic, and kind of evolved into being more about Jin throughout the past year than anything else. So, yes, this includes Jin leaving KAT-TUN and going solo. Since, obviously, we don’t know what really happened, this is just my view of things, kind of what I’d like to believe. I don’t really know how to explain this fic. It’s just something I wrote, it sort of took a hold of itself and transformed into this.

A lot of the scenes in this are taken from things the boys have mentioned in interviews and jwebs along with fanreports, and fanrecordings. :) So yes, ~based on real events~. XD The title is from Jin’s A Page. :)

Um, I don’t have anything else to say about this. I really hope you like it, even a little. :)



“I don’t know if I’ll be able to make any of them,” Ryo says apologetically, swirling the last of his drink around the bottom of his glass, ice clinking together.

Yamapi tries not to look too crestfallen; he knows Ryo’s busy. “Don’t worry about it,” he says, smiles.

“I’ll be there!” Jin announces, and he will be, come hell or high water.

“Really?” Yamapi questions instantly, looking relieved.

“Of course!” Jin says, grinning. “Because I’m cooler than Ryo-chan.”

Ryo kicks him, hard, under the table, and Jin falls out of the booth, clutching his leg in pain. “Who’s the cool one now?” he questions while Yamapi laughs, reaching a hand out to help pull Jin back up.

“I hate you,” Jin mumbles when he’s back in the booth and Ryo just grins at him and passes him his drink.

--

It’s pretty lame and sappy singing Eternal with a guy, but then it’s Yamapi, and they’re both pretty lame and sappy in the first place so Jin figures its okay. The fans seem to love it, at any rate, and they sound pretty good together.

Two days later, Ryo’s passing them beers at his apartment and saying, “I heard about you declaring your love for each other through song.”

“Fuck you,” Yamapi says instantly. “And that song isn’t even about us!”

Jin just pops open his beer and takes a swig then smirks at Ryo. “Don’t worry, Pi,” he says. “Ryo-chan’s just jealous.”

Ryo rolls his eyes from where he’s sitting between them on the couch. Yamapi grins at Ryo and throws an arm around his shoulders. “Aww, Ryo-chan,” he singsongs. “Don’t be like that~”

“Shut up,” Ryo snaps, trying to shake out of Yamapi’s grasp and failing when Jin joins in, resting his head on Ryo’s.

“It’s okay, Ryo-chan,” Jin says over Ryo’s grumbling. “We love you too.”

“Next time, the three of us will sing something together,” Yamapi says cheerfully and Jin nods his approval and drinks to it.

“You guys are idiots,” Ryo mutters between them, but he’s given up pushing them away and the smile tugging at his lips has both Jin and Yamapi grinning.

--

“Wait, which one?” Ryo says, craning his neck around Yamapi to look at the girl Jin’s pointing to. “Long hair?”

“Yeah,” Jin says in a low approving voice and downs his third, fifth shot. He doesn’t remember anymore.

“Not bad,” Yamapi agrees and Ryo nods as well, sipping on his own drink and nearly coughing when he notices the said girl is staring in their direction.

“Oh, here she comes, Jin,” he teases and Jin gives him a half-hearted glare while trying to inconspicuously make himself look presentable.

When she gets closer though, Jin’s excitement fades into indifference while both Ryo and Yamapi try not to burst into laughter. “Did you want to dance?” the girl asks and does a perfected hair-flip that would normally have Jin already on his feet.

“No, thanks,” he replies a little scathingly and the girl looks offended, because she knows she had been checked out earlier; the clear dismissal now made her narrow her eyes and turn on her heel, stalking away with finesse that left Jin, Ryo, and Yamapi rather impressed.

“You’re a douche,” Yamapi says, staring after her.

“You saw her,” Jin replies defensively.

“Doesn’t stop you from being a douche,” Ryo says, lighting up a cigarette.

Jin glares at him, leaning back against the booth seat. “You go after her, then,” he replies. “Oh, wait, she was taller than you.”

“Fuck you,” Ryo says automatically. “She wasn’t that bad.”

“Better from further away, though,” Yamapi says and Jin grins at him.

“This would make a good song,” Jin muses as he reaches for another shot, downs it and then sings, “She looks mighty fine from over here, but when she gets close, she’s the last girl I want to be near~”

Ryo snorts while Yamapi nearly convulses with laughter. “A top-charter, that one,” Ryo says and Jin laughs, but later when they’re not looking, he types up the idea into his phone.

--

“You look sleepy,” Jin says into the phone, staring up at the giant screen in the Dome that’s displaying Ryo’s face before switching to other members of Kanjani8 that wave at the camera connecting to the Kyocera Dome.

Ryo laughs on the other end. “I feel sleepy,” he says. “How’re things going over there?”

“Good,” Jin says. “We’re nearly done.” He glances around the Dome and winces when he meets Kame’s glare. “I should go, Kame looks like he’s gonna kill me.”

“Yeah, stop lazing around, Akanishi,” Ryo says and Jin rolls his eyes. “Get back to work.”

“I can say the same for you,” Jin counters. “Good luck tonight,” he adds.

“You, too,” Ryo replies and Jin can hear the grin in his voice.

--

“Some friends you are, going on vacation without me,” Yamapi is saying through speakerphone on Ryo’s cell as Jin drives to the airport.

“Do you remember what happened to you last time?”Jin says. “You were mauled by scary Korean fans.”

“I can’t avoid the entire country because of that,” Yamapi says. “And you guys could get mauled by scary fans and you’re still going.”

“It’s okay. Ryo is with me. He’ll just maul them back,” Jin replies and then yelps when Ryo slugs him in the arm. “Shit, I’m driving, don’t do that!”

“Asshole,” Ryo mutters as Yamapi laughs on the other end. “Sorry you can’t make it, Pi,” he says to Yamapi.

“It’s okay,” Yamapi says, and Jin can almost see him smiling wistfully. “Just bring me back something cool.”

“Sure,” Jin replies. “Next time, when you’re free, we’ll go again.”

“We’d better,” Yamapi says with a laugh. “Have fun. Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Don’t worry,” Ryo says easily. “I’ll make sure this one stays in line.”

Jin snorts. “And who’s going to watch you?”

“I don’t need watching. I’m the adult one between the two of us.”

“Neither of you are adult-like at all,” Yamapi interrupts. “It’s like sending two teenagers on a trip alone.”

“Very funny,” Ryo replies. “You’re not any better.”

Jin knows Yamapi’s just smiling, can hear it in his voice when he replies, “I’m not saying that I am.” He laughs and adds, “Well, most importantly, as long as you don’t get mauled, it’s probably okay.”

“Well, Jin’s definitely not important enough to get mauled,” Ryo says haughtily. “I might have to worry about myself, though.”

“Ha, ha,” Jin says, rolling his eyes, shoving Ryo. “You wouldn’t get mauled; you’d just get stomped on, you shrimp.”

Ryo makes an angry noise and opens his mouth to snap back when Yamapi cuts in again. “Now I’m glad I’m not going,” he says, but the amusement is evident in his voice. “Don’t kill each other. See you guys soon.”

“Later, Pi,” Jin says as Ryo bids goodbye as well and hangs up his phone.

“What should we get him?” Ryo asks as he leans back against his seat, eyeing the line of traffic before them.

Jin shrugs. “Maybe something dumb like kimchi.”

Ryo snorts. “I’ll tell him that’s your idea,” he replies just as his phone beeps with a message. He laughs when he sees it and holds it up for Jin to see when they come to a stop light.

“Don’t get me something stupid like kimchi,” Jin reads off the screen. “Damn it,” he mutters. “We’ve all been friends too long.”

Ryo laughs again and nods in agreement, settling back into his set and not even bothering to reply to Yamapi’s text. Jin just smiles as they make their way into airport parking.

--

“Holy shit, you actually made it a song,” Ryo says, staring at the lyrics Jin gives him, only able to make out a few of the English words, but it’s enough to know exactly what Jin’s saying. “You’re an asshole. This is awful.”

“In a fun way,” Jin adds, taking the sheets back. “Pi thinks it’s brilliant.”

“Pi’s an idiot,” Ryo replies. “So are you. I bet you wrote this while you were drunk.”

Jin ignores the jibe, mostly because it’s half-true, and says instead, “Need your help with it though.”

“With what? I don’t want to have anything to do with these lyrics.”

Jin rolls his eyes. “Who said anything about lyrics? You can barely say Hello in English properly, let alone come up with an entire sentence.”

Ryo doesn’t refute it, even though Jin knows Ryo actually knows more than he lets on, picking it up from Jin and Yamapi and Kusano whenever they hang out. “What do you want me to do, then?” Ryo questions, only half-curious.

Jin smirks, hands him a guitar. “Instrumental solo,” he replies.

Ryo eyes him, the instant pleading look Jin gives when he knows Ryo’s debating about the decision. Ryo sighs and strums the guitar. “At least you’re asking for help instead of doing it yourself,” he says.

Jin just grins because he knows Ryo’s secretly happy about being asked to help, no matter what he says.

--

“They’re going to hate it, aren’t they?” Jin says, staring at the music sheets in his hand, the songs he’s spent the past few months creating, the setlist he’s gone over and over a hundred times, the work he’s proud of but at the same time so scared to show.

It’s past midnight and this first show is that same day. He should be sleeping but he can’t, waking up every few hours to fret some more. “I should’ve made Japanese songs. They’re not going to like any of this, will they?”

“Jin,” says Yamapi’s complacent voice over the phone, tired as Jin can tell he’s holding back a yawn. “They’ll love it. They love you. So, naturally, anything you do they’re gonna love, too.”

“But-” Jin starts and Yamapi cuts him off.

“Sure, it might not be what they’re expecting, but this is what you want to do, isn’t it?”

“Well, I want my fans to be happy, too,” Jin says quietly, feeling like a little kid, clenching the sheets in his hands.

“You know they’re happy if you’re happy.”

Jin nods even though Yamapi can’t see it. He gnaws on his lower lip and sighs, leaning back against the headrest of his bed. “You’re right,” he says eventually. “I’m just-”

“Nervous?” Yamapi guesses and he can almost see his best friend smiling encouragingly behind his eyes. “You should be. Maybe they really will hate it.”

Despite himself, Jin’s laughing. “Thanks, Pi,” he says.

“Get some sleep, Jin,” Yamapi says. “You’ll be great tomorrow.”

“Sorry for calling so late,” Jin mumbles and Yamapi chuckles.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replies. “Goodnight.”

“Night,” Jin says and then hangs up. He drops his phone onto the side table and sighs, looking down at the sheet music in his hands as if trying to embed the lyrics into his brain, even though he has everything memorized already. He worries about messing up the lyrics, forgetting lines, worries about ruining dance steps, worries about disappointing his fans.

Then he remembers what Yamapi just said and he shakes his head and puts the lyrics back into the drawer and shuts off the lamp on top of the table. Sinking back under the covers, Jin lies on his back and stares up at the ceiling for what feels like hours, finally muttering, “I won’t fuck up,” as if to reassure himself, dissolving that bubbling anxiety in his stomach until sleep eventually claims him.

--

“Jin-kun!” croons Yamapi’s voice through a rare moment of silence in the crowd, but following it the noises get louder as fans scream and Jin feels heat in his cheeks.

Idiot, he thinks, already imagining Yamapi’s smug face for throwing off his game in the middle of the concert. Jin’s totally going to get him for this later. Right now, he just shouts back, “Shut up! I’m talking! Tell everyone you’re sorry!”

Yamapi’s apology comes through the hall and fans scream again. Jin just laughs and continues on his MC, even though internally he’s a little glad, and Yamapi screaming his name might just always be embedded in his brain.

Of course, it doesn’t stop him from kicking his ass when he gets off stage and meets Yamapi and Shirota in the dressing room. “Asshole,” he mutters, grinning.

“You loved it,” Yamapi counters, pulling Jin into a headlock while Shirota rolls his eyes at them.

--

“You went to four of Jin’s concerts and not even one of mine?” Yamapi says, pouting. “I see how it is, Ryo-chan.”

“Fuck you. I’ve already apologized like a hundred times. Besides, Jin and I had that song we wrote together,” Ryo says defensively. He grins and adds, “Next time you have a solo concert, let’s write something together and I’ll come to all of your shows.”

Jin laughs from where he’s leaning on Yamapi’s shoulder. “Fans would die if that happened,” Jin comments.

“If you end up coming too, they really will,” Ryo replies and they all laugh.

“Well, seeing as how Jin and I just had our solo shows, we probably won’t have to worry about that for awhile,” Yamapi says. “We won’t get solo shows again for a long time I bet.”

“Um, actually. . .” Jin starts, sitting up suddenly and looking down at his beer in his hand. Ryo and Yamapi stare at him from either side on the couch and Jin feels their questioning gazes.

“Fucker if you don’t spill what’s on your mind right now, I’ll-” Ryo starts but is cut off by Jin’s sudden exclamation.

“I’m having shows in L.A. in June!” He flinches after he says it, realizing just how loud his voice was. But then he’s being punched in the shoulder on both sides by Ryo and Yamapi and groans, “Ow.”

“Are you really?” Yamapi exclaims. “When did you find out? Why didn’t you fucking tell us?”

“I’m telling you right now!” Jin shouts and he’s grinning broadly, the excitement that had been bubbling in his chest since he talked to management earlier that week finally being released. “I only heard on Monday.”

“And you’ve kept it a secret for the whole week?” Yamapi says, impressed. “Where are you performing? What are the plans? How did you even get this offer?”

Jin is putting up his hands to calm Yamapi’s interrogation, laughing as he replies, “Slow down! I’ll tell you everything.” He sighs and then continues, “They’re still looking for the venue. The plan, as of now, is just to do You&Jin in L.A. Expanding my territories and all that.” He grins. “There were people there, at my shows. I guess they liked it. And want me to go to the U.S.”

“This is great, Jin!” Yamapi says cheerfully, genuinely excited, but Jin has realized that Ryo hasn’t reacted to anything except punching him after the initial announcement.

He turns to his friend and says, “Aren’t you happy for me, Ryo-chan?”

Ryo’s stoic expression falls into an honest smile and he replies, “Of course.”

Jin feels trepidation sinking into his veins. “You’re going to say ‘but’ aren’t you? But what?” Jin says.

“But,” Ryo says, fixing Jin with a stern gaze. “What about KAT-TUN?”

KAT-TUN, Jin thinks with a sigh. KAT-TUN is the reason why he hasn’t yet been able to be entirely excited about the prospect of performing in America. He slumps back against the couch and says, “KAT-TUN is doing an Asia Tour.”

Both Ryo and Yamapi stare at him in surprise and Jin nods. “Yeah. It overlaps with my possible L.A. concerts.”

“Are you kidding me?” Ryo says, sounding somewhere between angry and incredulous. “This is fucked up.”

Jin shakes his head. “We were already discussing the Asia Tour before I started working on my solo concerts,” he replies. “That stuff is nearly finalized.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “But. Now. . .”

“What’re you going to do?” Yamapi says. “Have you accepted the L.A. concerts already?”

“I have,” Jin says.

“Did you talk to the others about that?”

Jin shakes his head.

Yamapi sighs while Ryo curses and mutters, “No wonder people think you guys don’t get along.”

“Shut up,” Jin snaps. “Would you have given up this opportunity?”

Ryo just frowns and doesn’t reply; Jin knows his answer, anyway.

“I’m going to talk to them, of course I am,” Jin says. “But this isn’t their decision. I can’t give this chance up.”

Yamapi squeezes Jin’s shoulder comfortingly and Jin gives him a tiny smile, then chuckles and downs the rest of his beer. “Ah,” he says, “the mood’s been ruined.” He jumps to his feet and laughs, it’s forced and hollow and he knows that both Ryo and Yamapi can see right through him. “Sorry, guys. Want to watch a movie or something?”

“I’ll get more drinks,” Ryo offers, and he pats Jin on the back as he passes him, heading for the kitchen.

Jin sets his empty can down on the coffee table and heads over to Yamapi’s bookshelf, looking at the DVD cases.

“You okay?” Yamapi says, his voice much closer, and Jin feels him standing beside him even though he’s fixedly looking at the back of a DVD case.

“Yeah,” Jin replies, even though he’s really not, and he’s sure Yamapi knows it. He doesn’t say anything else about it though, just takes the DVD in Jin’s hand and says, “That movie’s awful. Find something else.”

Jin sighs as Yamapi returns to the couch and flops across it and when Ryo returns a few seconds later, he walks up and presses the cold can of beer to Jin’s collarbone. Jin shrieks and flails and Ryo, laughing sinisterly, shoves the beer in his hand and goes to the couch, sitting over Yamapi’s legs. Yamapi whines and kicks him and Jin watches as Ryo just retaliates by kicking back. He laughs, a real one this time, feeling the tension from before vanishing as warmth hits his veins instead. He joins them on the couch, shoving himself between them and says, “Thanks, guys.”

Ryo rolls his eyes while Yamapi just beams and wraps his arms around his waist like Jin’s a giant pillow. They sit there for awhile, sipping on beers and sinking into each other’s presence before Ryo finally says, “Weren’t we going to watch a movie?”

--

“I’m sorry!” Jin exclaims, and he lowers his head in a bow at the five stunned faces on the other side of the table.

“Akanishi,” Kame says and Jin visibly winces. “Get up, it’s okay.”

Jin freezes, blinking rapidly, but he doesn’t move. A hand on his shoulder startles him, but he raises his head to see Nakamaru smiling at him and nodding. Jin sits up straight and sucks on his bottom lip, eyeing the five men questioningly.

“Don’t give us that look,” Ueda says. “What were you expecting?”

“Um,” Jin finally says. “Not this?”

“Did you think we’d punch you or something?” Koki replies cynically, even though he’s frowning slightly still.

“Well, seeing how you did last time, can you blame me?” Jin says, but he’s grinning and Koki’s expression softens.

“We’re better than that now,” Taguchi says and they all nod.

Jin eyes each of them in turn, the five men he’s been side by side with for over ten years. He hangs his head, not sure what else to say to them, not sure how to face them. The prospect of talking to them has been eating at him for days until he finally got the courage to call them up and meet. Now he just feels like the kid who’s done something wrong, worrying about the reactions of his parents. The thought amuses him a little, but not enough to release the tension that’s grabbed hold of him, and he still doesn’t raise his head again.

“Jin,” says Kame, and Jin starts, because it has been a really long time since Kame’s called him that. “Will you stop acting like you’re sorry?”

The quip makes Jin look up instantly, glaring as he snaps, “I am sorry!”

“For what?” Kame challenges. “For the fact that this opportunity came at such a bad time and you won’t get to tour with us, or because you’re glad it came it all, and you feel guilty because this is what you really want?”

Jin opens his mouth to reply and then shuts it when he doesn’t know how to respond. Well, he does. It’s the second one. Of course it is. But, how can he say it aloud to them?

“If this is about guilt, then we don’t want it. We don’t need that,” Kame says, and Jin just hears the professionalism in his voice, like Jin is not his bandmate-sort-of-friend that he’s known since they were awkward teenagers with stars in their eyes, but like Jin is a colleague he has to just tolerate. “If you’d asked us about this before making the decision, we probably would’ve told you to go without a second thought, you know.”

“He’s right,” Taguchi says, smiling brightly beside Koki, the only one smiling at all. Jin finds a small comfort in that, even though he still stares back at them with helplessness.

“Jin,” Ueda says, leaning forward with his elbows on the table, “We’re not your enemies here.”

“We’ve always said KAT-TUN is about promoting our individualities together,” Koki says and he finally gives Jin a small smile. “Of course we’re going to support you.”

“It’s not like you’re leaving KAT-TUN,” Nakamaru says from beside him and Jin nods.

“I don’t know what to say,” Jin mumbles awkwardly, looking at the table.

“A thank you would be a good place to start,” Koki replies, grinning.

Jin looks up at all of them again, and with a deep breath he says, “Thank you.” It’s probably the most heartfelt thank you he’s ever given and inclines his head toward them again.

“Ah, shut up,” Kame says but when Jin looks up again he’s smiling. “You can really thank us by paying for everything tonight.”

Jin laughs as the others do. “All right,” he says as Nakamaru motions for a waiter to come by and take their orders.

--

“What is this shit?” Kusano says, peering into his thin wine glass full of a pink liquid.

Yamapi shrugs. “Jin chose it,” he replies, downs his and winces. “Okay, that’s kind of awful.”

“It is not!” Jin exclaims, but he’s well past his tolerance limit and would pretty much drink anything at this point. “It’s classy.”

“It’s gross,” Ryo says. “I’m hitting the bar. Anyone want anything?”

“I’ll go with you,” Kusano says and Jin watches them weave around the mass of people assembled for Yamapi’s birthday party to get to the bar.

“They have no taste,” Jin says, sipping on his drink.

“I didn’t like it either.”

“You don’t have any taste as well,” Jin replies.

“Seeing as how you’re the only one who likes it, I think your taste is what’s questionable here,” Yamapi replies and Jin just scoffs and then jumps at a sudden pat on the back.

Turning, they find Shirota grinning at them and Jin accuses, “You’re late.”

Shirota shoves him and replies, “I told you I was going to be. Sorry, Pi.”

Yamapi shrugs it off. “Thanks for coming.”

“Course,” Shirota says, “it’s your twenty-fifth birthday. You’re getting old.”

“Shut it,” Yamapi laughs, “you’re turning twenty-five this year, too.”

“But not for another eight months!” Shirota replies, smirking. He turns to Jin and eyes his drink in his hand. “What is that?”

“Try it, it’s amazing!” Jin exclaims, handing it over. But before Shirota can grab it, Ryo’s back, shoving a beer into Shirota’s hand instead.

“Trust me, you don’t want what Jin’s drinking,” he says and Shirota looks at Jin who is glowering at Ryo to Yamapi who is switching his drink for a beer with Kusano, and nods.

“Thanks,” he says and Ryo just raises his bottle in response.

Jin puts on a holier-than-thou expression and sips his Perignon. “You guys have no class,” he says. “Why am I friends with you?”

“Because no one else puts up with your shit,” Kusano answers without missing a beat.

--

“You’re kidding, right?” Jin questions, his voice coming out louder than he intended. He stares incredulously across the mahogany desk at the man who holds his life in his hands.

Kitagawa merely looks amused. “Of course not,” he replies in an old, scratchy voice. “These are the conditions.”

Jin just stares. He doesn’t know what to think. It’s as though his world has crashed around him, tiny broken fragments lying at this feet. “But why-” he starts only to have Kitagawa cut him off.

“You think it’s fair, do you?” he says, leaning forward on his desk to peer at Jin, and even after all these years, Jin still feels like that fourteen year old who had failed his initial audition, still feels like a child scolded by his parent. “That you can just go off and do what you want and easily have KAT-TUN waiting for your return?”

Jin opens his mouth to reply but shuts it when he realizes he doesn’t know how. Kitagawa smirks knowingly at him.

“You have until after your American concerts to decide, Akanishi-kun,” Kitagawa says. “Either you take this offer and have the agency’s full support as you go solo, or you decline and join KAT-TUN on their tour after you return.”

Jin clenches his fists at his side, nails digging into his skin as he eyes the old man, unable to completely hate him because he’s only giving Jin the chance to do what he’s always wanted.

“It’s that simple, huh?” he finds himself saying, his chest constricting painfully as he lets out a hollow kind of laugh. It’s what he’s always wanted and yet not what he wants at all.

“It is if you want it to be,” Kitagawa replies. “I don’t have to remind you that this is to remain between us until you have decided.”

“I can’t even discuss it with them?” Jin questions, only a little angrily.

“Would you?” Kitagawa counters and Jin lowers his head, because he’s right, of course he is.

Jin sighs. “That’s it, then, is it?” he says. “There isn’t any other choice?”

“What more do you want?” Kitagawa questions airily, not even angry, like he knew Jin would react this way, and he probably did. “I think I’m being quite generous here, don’t you?”

Jin grinds his teeth together in an attempt to not say what’s really on his mind and instead just nods slowly.

“Well, then,” Kitagawa says. “The decision is yours, Akanishi-kun. You have a month to make your choice.”

Jin swallows thickly and nods again, getting shakily to his feet. He bows, his fists still clenched tightly, trembling only slightly from the force, and then excuses himself politely and heads out the door.

--

“You guys should’ve seen it,” Jin gushes, a ball of uncontrollable energy as he stares at his monitor at Ryo and Yamapi in Ryo’s apartment. It’s late for him; nearly three in the morning after his final concert, but Jin hasn’t been able to sleep. He thought he’d be exhausted, but after the celebratory party with his crew, Jin was more pumped than before. Thankfully Ryo and Yamapi had a day off and were together when Jin called through Skype. If not, he would’ve wasted money calling their phones until someone answered.

“It was amazing,” Jin continues, while his friends just smile at him a little amusedly. Well, Ryo looks amused while Yamapi is beaming just like Jin.

“You didn’t fuck anything up?” Ryo questions, smirking.

“Fuck if I can remember anymore,” Jin replies easily. “I’m just running on the high.”

“We can tell,” says Yamapi with a grin. “You look happy.”

It’s a simple statement but it hits Jin hard, harder than he would’ve thought, and in that moment he remembers what he has been forcing himself to forget in favor of focusing on his shows. And he is happy, happy to be doing what he likes, how he likes it, performing an entire show that he created from the inside out, performing in America, of all places, by himself, just him and the stage, and it was amazing, it was better than he could have ever imagined it.

“Jin?” Yamapi’s voice says suddenly, cutting through his thoughts, and Jin snaps back to reality, finding Yamapi and Ryo’s worried faces on his monitor.

He beams, he’s sure he looks a little psychotic now, but he can’t stop, nodding vigorously. “I am happy,” he mumbles quietly, feeling somehow embarrassed.

They sigh and smile at him and somehow that makes him self-conscious, lowering his gaze and rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“That’s good, then,” Ryo says finally and Jin grins. “When is your flight again? Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep?”

“I don’t leave until tomorrow, it’s okay,” Jin says dismissively. “I can’t sleep now anyway.” He also knows now that if he stops talking to them, to someone, all he’ll think about is his imminent meeting with Kitagawa when he returns, especially now that he has come to a decision.

“You okay?” Yamapi questions. “You look distracted.”

Jin entertains telling them everything, hearing their opinions, wondering what they’d say. He’s sure they’d have his back no matter what decision, is positive they’d tell him to go for it, this is his dream they’re talking about here, and he almost does it, almost, looking at their pixelly faces on the screen, he just about tells them everything. He can’t recall how many times in the past month he’s wanted to, how many times he called their number or started a text, can’t even remember how many times those were directed to Ueda, to Nakamaru, Koki, Taguchi, to even Kame, but then he always chickened out.

And now, he does it again, even though he has his answer, even though he’ll be discussing it with Kitagawa within 24 hours, he still can’t do it, telling himself it’ll be easier to explain it to them, to Ueda, Nakamaru, Koki, Taguchi, and Kame, when it’s finalized, when there’s no backing out.

He shakes his head and replies, “I’m fine.” He laughs a little and pulls a fake yawn, knowing the only way to not get pestered more about it (he’ll totally spill the truth if they did) is to pretend to need sleep. It is nearly four a.m. “I think the adrenaline is running out.”

Ryo rolls his eyes and replies, “About time. Go get some sleep, Bakanishi.”

“Yuu said he’ll probably pick you up from the airport. We both have to work,” Yamapi says. “We’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, I’m glad to be coming back,” Jin says honestly.

“Because you’ve missed us, right?” Yamapi questions cheekily.

“You mean, you’ve missed me,” Jin retorts and they all laugh, though Jin’s is caught half way through by a yawn, a real one this time. “Okay, I’m going now.”

“Bye,” Yamapi says and waves, and just before Jin is about to end the call, Ryo says quickly, “Oh, and Jin?”

“Hm?” he says, blinking curiously at Ryo.

“Congrats,” he says, grins, and Yamapi chuckles and nods beside him, offering him a perfected idol thumbs-up.

Jin laughs, happiness flooding him, and he replies gratefully, “Thanks.”

--

He doesn’t hesitate when he’s told to sign the contract. It’s the easiest and the hardest thing he’s ever done in his life.

--

“Just like that, huh?” Ueda says quietly, there’s no anger in his voice and yet Jin still flinches.

He nods. He doesn’t know what to say. He’s just glad that they were in Japan in the midst of their tour long enough for Jin to call them up to meet. He’s just glad they all showed. He can’t imagine having to relay the news five different times; it’s hard enough doing it just this once.

They’re at his apartment this time, gathered around in various places in the sitting room. Jin stands between the couch where Ueda and Nakamaru sit and the armchair that Koki is leaning back against. Taguchi and Kame are sitting on the floor beside the coffee table that holds all of their untouched coffee. They’re probably lukewarm, now, considering how long it took Jin to get to the point, and the silence that followed his statement.

Jin almost wonders if he shouldn’t have offered them anything, mentally guessing who might be the first to throw their mug at the wall. Or at him.

He thinks about what to say now, how to explain, how to make this right, how to apologize when Kame sighs and reaches for his mug. Jin flinches a little, actually expecting him to throw it, but Kame just takes a sip and makes a face.

“This is awful,” he says and Jin just stares, eyes wide, while everyone else looks at Kame in surprise and then laughs. The tension in the room slowly dissipates even though Jin still stands awkwardly in his spot, unsure what to do or say. Kame looks up at him, and Jin is even more shocked to find him almost smiling. “You can’t even make good coffee?” he questions like Jin invited them over to hang out or something.

“I-” Jin starts, blinking rapidly. “I-I’m sorry?”

Kame does laugh now and sets his mug back down. “Akanishi,” he says. “Stop standing there awkwardly. Sit down.”

“Yeah, why have you been standing this whole time?” Koki questions and points to the spot on the couch beside Nakamaru. “Sit.”

Jin obeys, feeling a little awkward and nearly jumping when Nakamaru pats his shoulder. “Stop looking like that. Didn’t we tell you this last time?” he says. “You’re always making things such a big deal.”

Jin just gapes. “I-Isn’t this a big deal?!” he exclaims.

“Of course it is,” Taguchi replies and Jin notices him drinking his coffee without complaint. “But you’re just making it worse, acting like that.”

“It’s not entirely surprising,” Ueda clarifies, peering around Nakamaru to meet Jin’s eyes. “This is what you want, isn’t it?”

Jin bites his lower lip and nods after a moment. “But KAT-TUN-”

“Don’t worry about KAT-TUN,” Koki cuts in. “We cooler without you.” He grins broadly, teasing, and Jin finally lets out a small laugh. “We’ve released things without you. It’ll be different now, yes, because you’re not actually coming back, but. KAT-TUN will be fine.”

“I wasn’t expecting this, you know,” Jin tells them honestly, because even though it’s been a month since he was given the offer and two weeks since he signed the contract, Jin still hasn’t been able to wrap his head around it. “I never thought this would happen.”

Nakamaru claps him on the back. “None of us did,” he says, and smiles. “We’re glad that it did, though, because this is what you want.”

“Yeah, we’re glad,” Kame says with a sigh, leaning back on his hands, stretching his legs out before him. “No more having to put up with Akanishi stealing our makeup.”

“Straighteners,” Ueda adds, smirking.

“And hair dryers,” Nakamaru contributes and grins when Jin pouts at all of them.

“I wasn’t that bad,” he insists.

Koki laughs. “Yes, you were.”

“But it’s okay,” Taguchi says brightly. “That’s just how Akanishi-kun is.”

Jin feels embarrassed now. “Stop it,” he mumbles and they all smirk at him. He sighs and looks up at them, asks the question that’s been threatening to spill from his lips this whole time, “You. . . You’re not mad at me?”

They all stare at him for a second then look at each other before laughing. A smile tugs at Jin’s lips as he watches them laugh as though he just told a joke, like it was back when they were younger and first started getting along.

“You act like if we weren’t you we wouldn’t do the exact same thing,” Koki says, his eyes bright with mirth.

“Of course we’re not mad, stupid,” Kame adds, rolling his eyes in true-Kame fashion, giving Jin an exasperated look like he can’t believe he has to actually explain. “Yeah, it’s sudden, yeah, KAT-TUN might not be the same, but this is your dream, Jin.”

“How can we be mad at you for that?” Nakamaru finishes with a smile while Ueda and Taguchi nod their agreement, watching him closely.

Their words hit Jin hard in the chest and he lowers his head in a wordless thank you, his throat too tight to speak, not even sure what he’d say if he could.

Then Ueda says suddenly, “Ugh, Kame’s right, this coffee is awful,” and Jin looks up at his disgusted face while the others laugh and Kame exclaims, “See! I told you.”

“I-I’ll get something else,” Jin rushes to say, jumping to his feet. “Th-That is, if you’re not leaving.”

“Nah,” Koki says, making himself more comfortable in Jin’s chair. “Imposing on your hospitality is the least we can do.”

“Since when has Akanishi ever been hospitable?” Kame questions and Jin thinks about throwing his mug at him while everyone nods in agreement.

“I hate you guys,” he mutters, except he doesn’t, not at all, and later that evening, when they’ve nearly cleared Jin out of the beer and food in his fridge and are finally heading home, they stop and smile and tell him, “Good luck.”

--

“What’re you guys doing here?” Jin questions, walking into his family home to find both Ryo and Yamapi lounging on the couch with Reio and their six puppies.

“I was hungry,” Ryo replies easily while Yamapi says, “In the neighborhood.” Then he throws a couch pillow at Jin’s head.

“Hey! What the fuck is that for?” Jin shouts.

“Because we have to find out from the news that you fucking left KAT-TUN?!” Yamapi shouts back and Jin pauses in his attempt to throw the pillow back at Yamapi. He lets it drop from his fingers and nods.

“Oh, right, that,” he says sheepishly. “Sorry, guys. I only just told KAT-TUN like a week ago. I didn’t except it to hit the news this soon.”

“How long have you known?” Yamapi demands.

Jin avoids his gaze. “Since before my L.A. concerts,” he replies and gets another pillow thrown at his head, this time by Ryo.

“And you haven’t said anything?”

“I wasn’t supposed to! Not until after it was finalized. Even then, the asshole told me to keep it to myself. I told KAT-TUN anyway. I was going to tell you guys, but I wanted them to be first,” Jin replies honestly as he finally joins them, shoving Reio onto the floor to take over his spot. Reio swats at him but otherwise doesn’t complain, just grabs the remote from Yamapi to change the channel instead.

“I can’t believe it,” Yamapi says, staring at Jin with awe. “You’re leaving KAT-TUN. You’re going solo, what the fuck.”

Jin just grins. “Yeah, that’s how I feel.”

“What did KAT-TUN say?” Ryo questions.

“They were completely supportive,” Jin replies, smiles. “I thought they would beat me up or something, but they just ate all my food and drank my beer and told me not to fuck this up.”

“Sounds about right,” Yamapi laughs. “That’s good, then.”

Before Jin can say anything else, his mother walks into the room and scolds, “What is all this shouting, boys?”

“It’s him!” Yamapi and Jin exclaim at once, pointing at each other while both Ryo and Reio roll their eyes and Akanishi-mama tries not to look amused.

“Jin,” she says, patting her son’s head as she passes to the kitchen. “Pick up those pillows. And you should’ve called if you were coming. Ryo-kun and Pisuke have already eaten with us.”

Jin grumbles as he picks up the pillows and throws glares at his friends. “Of course they have,” Jin mutters.

“Did you want anything?” she asks and Jin shakes his head.

“I’ll make something, don’t worry about it,” he replies and she smiles at him with a nod.

“How’d the meeting go?” she asks instead and Jin grins, flopping back into his seat and throwing his legs over Yamapi’s lap who doesn’t even bother shoving at him.

“Great!” he says. “We’re starting plans for a U.S. tour.” He says it nonchalantly and ends up with another pillow in the face. “Stop that!”

“Quit keeping things from us and maybe I will,” Yamapi replies, but he’s grinning with stars in his eyes, looking at Jin with amazement. “Are you really?”

When Jin nods, he gets punched in the shoulder by Yamapi and in the knee by Reio while Ryo just smirks at him and his mother exclaims proudly, “That’s wonderful.” She ruffles his hair and adds, “I’m so proud of you.”

Jin stops trying to beat up both his brother and best friend at once and beams up at his mother.

“I’ll make some dessert to celebrate,” she says and heads back into the kitchen.

“You don’t have to do that!” Jin insists. “It’s not even official yet.”

“Yeah, maybe America will realize they’re wasting their time,” Ryo adds easily as he scratches a puppy behind its ear and this time Jin throws a pillow at him as the others burst out into laughter.

--

Jin shoves the mask over Yamapi’s head, ignoring Yamapi’s disgruntled resistance and then laughs when he sees his face. “It suits you!” he says and gets shoved back into Joey in response.

Yamapi pulls the mask off and pushes it onto Jin’s head instead and replies, “I think it fits you better.”

“I agree,” Joey adds and Jin glares unsuccessfully at them both from behind the mask.

“Shut up,” Jin mutters, but he keeps the mask on, looks around for another one that he shoves at Yamapi.

“I don’t want it,” Yamapi insists, shoving it back.

“I’ll wear this one if you wear that,” Jin challenges. “Come on, Pi.”

Yamapi stares at him while Joey just laughs and says, “Wear it. You guys can match even more.” He eyes their similar yukata and Jin shoves at him playfully.

“It’s just coincidence!” he exclaims.

“Oh, really?” Joey says, arching a brow as both Yamapi and Jin flail at him. “Could’ve fooled me.”

“Shut up, you,” Jin says, pushing up the mask to rest atop his head and glaring at Joey. “Here, you can wear this,” he adds, shoving another mask over Joey’s head, ending up slightly lopsided as Joey struggles away from him.

“No, thanks,” he replies, ignoring Jin’s laughter as he removes it puts it back on the shelf. He leaves them to go off and look at the other items in the shop.

“Here,” Jin says, giving Yamapi the mask that nearly matches his.

Yamapi takes it reluctantly, shaking his head as Jin watches him put it on.

“Yay! We match!” Jin coos in a girly voice and Yamapi rolls his eyes, but his lips are already curving into a smile as they head over to pay for the masks.

--

Jin is going to kill him. He sinks into his VIP seat and tries not to look too inconspicuous as he hears the familiar strains of care beginning to play, Ryo’s voice crooning out the lyrics - and then messing up.

“Why do you play my song if you’re going to fuck it up?” Jin mutters to himself as Ryo apologizes to the laughing crowd and then launches into the song properly.

It’s half-embarrassing and half-annoying, listening to him sing it; it’s not the first time, but it is the first time while Jin’s sitting in the audience unable to sing with him. Thankfully Ryo lets up after the chorus and Jin stares up at his big head on the projection screen, catches the obvious glint in his eyes.

“Fuck,” Jin mumbles just as Ryo starts to say, “Actually, Akanishi is here today.”

Asshole, Jin thinks. He really is going to kill him; especially since he told Ryo and Yamapi not to mention it, that he was there because he had nothing else to do and definitely not because he was, like, supporting them or anything. But of course Ryo doesn’t actually listen to anything Jin says, and Jin is seriously going to kill him, especially if he tries to get him to come up on stage.

But then he’s listening to Ryo’s words and sinks a little deeper into his seat, unable to hide the smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“He’s a great guy,” Ryo’s saying, “so, even though you’re unapproachable, good luck in America! If you see him, please tell him that.”

He’s smiling on the screen and the fans scream as he starts playing his actual solo. The grin on Jin’s face and the warmth in his chest remain there throughout the rest of the concert, and he thinks maybe he’ll let Ryo live another day longer.

--

He hasn’t seen or talked to any of them for awhile, probably not since he told them he was leaving. So it’s surprising to find Nakamaru backstage before the concert, grinning as he chats with staff he’s met before, clearly waiting for Jin.

“What’re you doing here?” Jin asks him.

“What do you think?” Nakamaru questions and laughs, pats Jin on the back. “Someone’s got to help you through your awful MCs, right?”

Jin relaxes, grinning himself. “Hey, they’ve been good this time!”

“Only because you had to ask your fans for help,” Nakamaru chides, shaking his head. “Pathetic.”

“Shut up,” Jin says, shoves at him.

“Good luck,” Nakamaru says. “I should go find my seat before too many fans get here.”

“They wouldn’t recognize you and your big nose anyway,” Jin says and receives a punch in the shoulder as form of farewell, watching as Nakamaru heads out of the dressing room.

It’s like nothing has changed and Jin finds himself feeling both surprised and grateful about it.

And it’s even better to have him up there during the MC, laughing with him and Josh, especially when a fan asks whether Jin likes men on one of the questionnaires.

In the end he just says, responding to a fan who screams asking whether he likes Nakamaru, “I have absolutely no feelings for Nakamaru. It’s completely zero.” And it’s hard to keep on a straight face when Nakamaru stares at him with a half-frown, half-smile of amusement.

Nakamaru just rolls his eyes and says, “As expected.”

As they move onto the next few questions, Nakamaru reads, “Jin-kun, are you happy?”

Jin smiles and looks at the fans, and answers, “I’m happy,” and he is, he truly is, in front of his fans that have gotten him this far, who are still supporting him even now, how could he be anything but happy?

--

Jin’s mind spins; everything is moving way too fast for him to keep up. He can’t believe he’s sitting in this meeting right now with Kitagawa and Lachie Rutherford, the Chairman and CEO of Warner Music Japan.

“We’ll get right to it,” Kitagawa says, turning to speak to Jin. “The best course of action for you is to be removed from the J-One Record label.”

Jin nods. This isn’t entirely unexpected.

“I have been discussing with Rutherford here and we are in negotiations to have you sign on with Warner Music.”

If Jin was anywhere else, he probably would’ve screamed. Screamed and jumped up and down with the way his blood is running way too fast and his face is threatening to split in a grin.

But he’s in front of Kitagawa and Rutherford so he puts on his best surprised and thankful face and says, “T-That’s great. I-I am, I would be really excited and grateful to work with you.” He inclines his head toward Rutherford who just smiles at him when Jin looks up again.

“As I said,” Kitagawa says, “it’s still being discussed.”

“We’re looking forward to seeing this go through,” Rutherford says and Jin is still itching to be let out so he can shout with all his might. This is the best thing, ever. “We’d like you to meet with others in New York during your tour.”

Jin nods vigorously. “Of course! I’d be delighted to,” he says, hoping he doesn’t sound as ridiculous to Rutherford as he does to himself.

“That’s all, Akanishi-kun,” Kitagawa says in his dismissive voice. “I’ll call on you again if and when this deal goes through.”

“Thank you,” Jin says as he gets to his feet, shakes hands with Rutherford and bows toward Kitagawa.

The second he leaves the conference room, he rushes into the elevator, thankfully empty, and lets out a triumphant shout. Then he calls Yamapi and does the same, half laughing, as he explains what just happened. It isn’t finalized yet, but if Kitagawa called him in at all that means they must be really fucking close and this is the best news Jin has heard since the confirmation of his US Tour. He’s getting so close, so close, he can taste it.

And boy, does it taste damn good.

--

It doesn’t fill up, but Jin doesn’t let that get to him. It’s the first concert of his tour. He’s in freaking Chicago, Illinois, and Aubree laughs at him because he still can’t quite pronounce it right.

His initial impression of the city is that it’s cold, but once he gets up on that stage that night, the lights shining on him as fans scream and scream and scream, he forgets about the weather outside and focuses on the music. He puts everything into it, his first concert on tour, and the crowd doesn’t let their small size get to them, they’re shouting and yelling as if the entire theater was full. They laugh when he slips over his words during the MC and they enjoy the stupid intro to Oowah that he wasn’t sure whether to use or not for the longest time and they watch with amazement during the World Dance and at the end of Tipsy Love their voices sing along with his and echo long after in his heart.

When he gets off the stage at the end, he’s never felt happier, grinning widely as he falls into a mass group hug with the rest of the crew.

Jin loves San Francisco, the calming and carefree atmosphere of the streets. It’s different than Los Angeles and New York. He has more time here than he did in Chicago and gets to look around more, gets made fun of by the crew for being so in love with the streetcars. He just insists that they don’t have things like this in Japan, but they just nudge him and tell him he’s so cute.

The concert is spectacular, even if a fan throws a plush turtle onto the stage. Jin knows exactly what it means even if his dancers don’t, picking it up to shove it into face to get him to kiss it. Jin just laughs and resists and the fans love it, the look on his face, and he half entertains actually kissing it, just to see the reaction.

(He doesn’t though, because chances are word would get out and Kame would find out and then Jin wouldn’t hear the last of it.)

--

Houston and Los Angeles seem to go by in a blur, the whole tour seems like it was a span of a few hours instead of a whole month, and suddenly he finds himself in New York. Not just in New York, but at the Warner Music Group building, in a meeting with the vice-chairman, Lyor Cohen.

Just being there feels completely surreal, talking with Cohen about the possibilities of signing on with them, how they’ll help him in the future, remembering artists that Warner Music Group has worked with before and actually being a part of it has Jin entirely perplexed. He meets all the right people, thinks hard about his English to not make a fool of himself when he talks, tries hard not to use the translator they have on hand. He laughs off his mistakes, keeps his nervousness inside and hopes it doesn’t show on his face.

When it’s time to leave he smiles at them, shakes their hands and says earnestly, “Please come to my show on the 21st. I’d like for you to see what I can do.”

--

MTV. Jin can’t believe it. In his wildest dreams he never imagined he’d be standing in the MTV studio (well, definitely not this soon). And it doesn’t even matter that it’s the MTV station focused on international artists, it’s fucking MTV. He still can’t believe just how fast everything has been going. When he got the announcement from his manager a day after they landed in New York, he almost thought it was a joke. And yet, here he is, with the rest of his crew, laughing and having a good time during rehearsal and Jin doesn’t notice for almost ten minutes take Dominic put a water bottle in the hood of his jacket.

It’s only three songs but it’s more than enough. He would’ve been happy singing just one. He can see the mass of fans waiting outside in the cold, staring up at the screen for the show to start. He’s nervous, how can he not be. It’s MT-fucking-V and it’s being broadcast simultaneously outside in Times-fucking-Square where everyone and their grandmother can stop to watch.

The audience is small, just fifty people, and yet they scream and cheer him on just as loudly as a Tokyo Dome full of fans. He likes the intimacy of the crowd, likes being able to see the fans, the different kinds of people all gathered to see him, knows they were hand-picked to attend, and it makes him put on the best show he possibly can.

The interviews are short and simple and the fans all awww when he says he misses his parents and friends the most. It’s really the only thing that is hard about being here, even if it’s barely been a month, talking to them over Skype or through emails just isn’t the same. It’s a little lonely, even with the crew at his side the entire time, it’s definitely like he’s missing something.

Of course he’ll just have to get used to it; this won’t be the last time he tours here after all, Jin’s going to make sure of that.

--

“Wait, wait, shut up, what’re they singing?” Jin cuts across Dominic and Juice’s cheering, holding his hands up as he strains his ears to make out the fans voices.

“It’s Japanese,” Lizzy says, and she pushes Jin toward the stage.

And then Jin makes it out, the off-tune, mispronounced Japanese of his fans singing Eternal, and his eyes widen as his heart fills with warmth. “How do they-” he starts and then laughs. Of course they know about it, he thinks, a little amazed by the vast world of the internet, connecting fans across the globe.

“What’re you doing? Aren’t you going to go out there?” Aubree asks him. “Go sing the song!”

Jin looks at her with surprise, at all of them, then says in a rush, “But do we even have-”

“We do,” Joey says. “It’s on one of the CDs. Weren’t you thinking about singing it tonight anyway?”

“But it’s Japanese,” Jin insists, convinced his American fans would want to hear his English music.

“Idiot, they’re already singing it!” John Michael says, shoving Jin toward the stage again. “Clearly they don’t care. Get your ass out there.”

Jin shoves him back with a laugh, feeling a little overwhelmed still because he can hear the fans’ singing getting louder, more persistent as they fall into the rhythm of the song, and right now, it’s possibly the most beautiful thing Jin’s ever heard.

The screams when he makes it back on stage are ear-splitting; he didn’t think it was possible for people to make such noise. He just stares at them, half-embarrassed, half-confused, like he doesn’t know what he should do, much less say. He definitely wasn’t expecting this.

That’s when he notices a fan in the front row waving a sheet of paper at him and Jin reaches out to grab it, smiling at her star-struck expression. He looks down at the leaflet, the kanji and romaji and laughs, says, “This is a Japanese song.”

The fans cheer, and Jin looks back down, just to avoid their happy faces, still a little lost about this all, and adds, jokingly, “I don’t remember the lyrics.”

They laugh and he does too, then takes a deep breath and says, “Actually, I’m planning to release this song as my first single in Japan next year.” It’s true, even if he hasn’t really thought about it much. He wants to thank his fans, his Japanese fans especially, the ones who have been with him since the beginning, supporting him and encouraging him, who waited for him to return from L.A. in 2007, who didn’t leave him when he quit KAT-TUN, who are chasing this dream of his with him. He’s not sure if it’ll work out, if the agency or Warner will let him release it, but he wants to, because his fans, no matter where they’re from, mean more to him right now than ever before.

He smiles at the audience and says, “I’ll try my best to sing it for you now.”

The music starts and Jin sings. He didn’t rehearse this earlier, had been thinking of singing it today for the final concert, but wasn’t really sure. But after hearing his fans sing it to him, of course he couldn’t say no.

The lyrics come naturally and no one cares if he sounds off, and really, he doesn’t either, just letting the music flow through his veins, letting the words slip easily off his lips. He can barely make out the fans in the front few rows singing along and he lets out a slightly nervous laugh in between the chorus and second verse.

He watches the audience, all moving their hands back side to side in the air, looks at them, the people who have come from not just New York, but nearby states and probably even from Japan itself just to see him perform and knowing this is different than any performance he’s ever given before. Because this, this is his last show of his first U.S. tour, this is more than he could’ve ever dreamt, more than he could have ever hoped to happen so soon. And even while standing there, singing about love and smiling with his head held high and holding hands, walking side by side, he can’t believe this past month has really happened.

The fans scream and clap incessantly when he finishes and Jin stands there, in the middle of the small stage, with his heart drumming in his ears like it never has before, fingers just trembling where they’re grasping the mike in his hand as he scans the crowd slowly, taking in each face he can see, embedding it into his mind and trying not to let the feelings overflow because they’re there, right at the surface, threatening to spill over the second he lets loose, and he’s sure they see it on his face, just how grateful, how happy he is, and he hopes they actually can because he doesn’t think he could ever explain it in words.

What comes out in the end is mostly mumbled because his throat is too thick to speak, muttering, “You guys are beautiful. Thank you so much.” They don’t even care, or notice, that he stumbles over the easiest of words, just cheering and applauding all the louder as he adds, “Ciao,” and walks off the stage.

bonus.

Jin fights off a yawn as he rides the elevator up to the tenth floor, leaning against the wall and watching the numbers change on the little screen. It feels more like an hour has passed instead a couple of minutes when Jin finally reaches his stop, fishing out keys from his pocket as he shrugs his duffel bag more comfortably over his shoulder.

It’s just past midnight so Jin tries to be quiet when he unlocks the door and heads into the genkan, toeing off his shoes and dropping his bag in the hallway. He’s exhausted after the over twelve-hour flight and thirty-minute car ride home and the only thing he wants to do right now is sleep.

Leaving the lights off, he heads for the couch because it’s closer and flops right onto it. Except he ends up getting kicked in the gut by someone already in it.

Jin falls onto the floor, just narrowly missing banging his head on Yamapi’s glass coffee table, and groans in pain.

A second later he’s greeted with Ryo’s irritable voice, “Were you fucking trying to kill me?”

“Sorry,” Jin mumbles. “I didn’t see you.”

There’s a pause and then Ryo says cautiously, “Jin?”

Jin rolls his eyes. “Who else could it be?”

Jin hears Ryo getting off the couch, stepping on his feet to get to the light switch. Jin squints up at Ryo who looks tired and disheveled and Ryo blinks at him for awhile before he says, “I thought you might’ve been Pi. What’re you doing here? Didn’t you just get back?”

Jin nods. “Pi’s place is closer to the airport. I’m exhausted.”

Before Ryo can say anything else, something hard is thrown at Yamapi’s closed bedroom door from the inside and Yamapi’s tired voice shouts, “Jin, I don’t care how tired you are, just shut the fuck up.”

Ryo snorts while Jin pretends to look wounded. “I just get back and this is the welcome I get?” he says to himself, getting to his feet and heading past Ryo to Yamapi’s bedroom. He walks inside and dives onto the bed and onto Yamapi who yelps and fights Jin off him as Jin steals his blanket and pillows and curls up on himself in the corner.

Yamapi kicks him off the bed just as Ryo walks in. Jin’s trying to untangle himself from the sheets on the floor as Ryo shoves Yamapi over to the far end of the bed and flops down beside him. Jin climbs back up and knees Yamapi in the thigh to squash himself between them, hugging a pillow to his chest as he lies on his back.

“Get out of my bed,” Yamapi mutters but it’s half-hearted and both Jin and Ryo know it, making no effort to get out, only twisting and turning to get more comfortable.

Suddenly Jin doesn’t feel as tired anymore, grinning widely as he snuggles between his friends, glad to be back in Japan even though the past month he spent in America was the best month of his life. In two days he’s meeting with Rutherford from Warner Music Japan again, to hopefully finalize the contract, and after that, he’s right back to working toward his upcoming triumph lives. The past few months have gone by too fast; Jin still doesn’t believe just how much has happened, his entire life changing in the blink of an eye.

But he pushes the thoughts raging in his brain away because he has two days to rest, sighing with content as he says, “I’m glad to be back.”

Yamapi grumbles in annoyance while Ryo just mutters, “I’m not. I had a month of peace and quiet without you.”

Jin kicks him. Ryo kicks back. Yamapi sits up and smacks them both on the head before lying back down, ignoring their groans, and says into his pillow, “Jin, we’ll hear all about you conquering America tomorrow, okay? Now just go to sleep, or get the fuck out of my bed.”

Jin pouts at the ceiling and Ryo kicks him once more, just for good measure. “You guys could pretend you’re happy to see me,” he whines.

“I’d be happier if you were quiet,” Ryo says, his eyes closed and Jin sighs, looks at him and then at Yamapi and gives in, figuring they’re right, and after some sleep he can tell them everything about the past month.

He puts the pillow he’s been hugging under his head and flops onto his stomach, letting out a breath as his eyes close, drowsiness creeping through his veins. He starts when fingers wrap around his wrist, but smiles widely when Yamapi’s tired, muffled voice says, “Welcome home, Jin.”

end.

note: um. yes. I don’t have much to say here. I really hope you enjoyed it. ;__; thank you for reading! ♥ ♥ ♥