drabble; playlist meme 1
Hello all~ Here are fifteen very random, very lame drabbles all done with the playlist!meme way, with some liberties. My playlist was on random, but I chose the songs I wanted to write about when I could come up with something for them. A few got kind of long, and some are really short. My pairing choices don't change much either, lol. Except the fact that I wrote Akame for the first time ever, and also er, Pinnifer. (Crys, I blame you. :|) Anyway, here they are. Enjoy. Comment. :) But mostly enjoy. ♥
{ KoyaShige, PG-13, 262 words | Make Love - Big Bang }
Koyama pulls back, smiles as he meets Shige’s gaze beneath him, and brushes the younger boy’s hair out of his eyes.
Shige makes a soft noise of contentment as Koyama thumbs his cheek, then his jaw, leans in to press his nose against the softness just behind his ear. Shige threads his fingers through Koyama’s hair, massages his scalp and stretches his neck just enough to kiss Koyama’s forehead.
Koyama sighs happily, sliding off of Shige’s body to rest next to him, entwines their fingers together, presses their palms against the other. “I love you,” he breathes then, just barely above a whisper, words he hadn’t meant to say, but the second they left his lips he didn’t want to take them back, felt that it was right. In this moment it was right.
Shige stares at him for a long moment and Koyama feels his stomach clench and coil unpleasantly, his heart dying in his chest, breath caught in his throat. Then Shige smiles, eyes shining, cheeks glowing, and he kisses Koyama, gently and unhurriedly. Pulling back a moment later, he says, “I love you, too.”
And Koyama lets out that breath in his throat, feels like he’s flying, having wanted to hear those words for days, for weeks, for months, for years. And hearing them now, seeing Shige’s genuine face, eyes full of love, Koyama knows everything’s okay, that this was meant to be, that these feelings he’s agonized over weren’t wrong, knows now that Shige is the only one he’s meant to love, the only one he’ll ever need.
{ RyoShige, ShigePi, PG-13, 288 words | Get another Boyfriend - Backstreet Boys }
Shige stares at Yamapi for a long moment, then turns away, curling up on the corner of the couch, knees to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around them. He feels everything build up inside him, tries to force the sob in his throat down, presses his forehead on his knees, mutters, “Fuck.”
“Shige,” Yamapi says instantly, over at his side, dropping a hand onto Shige’s shoulder, squeezes comfortingly. “Shige, why are you still doing this, if it hurts so much?”
“I-I…” Shige starts, but can’t quite say it. I love him, it doesn’t sound right anymore.
“He’ll keep doing this, you know,” Yamapi says, watches Shige closely, chest clenching tightly around his heart at the pain that shines in Shige’s eyes. “Ryo-chan.” He paushes, swallows, tries to think of how to say this properly. “You should stop this. Before he hurts you more.”
Shige shakes his head. “I don’t, I don’t know how to leave him.” He glances up at Yamapi, eyes wide in hurt and horror. “I want to, I do, I know he doesn’t love me like he says, playing around with all these other, other people, but, I-”
Shige gasps into Yamapi’s mouth, but before he can really grasp what’s happened, Yamapi pulls away slowly, leans his forehead against Shige’s.
“He’s not worthy of you, Shige,” Yamapi breathes softly. “Leave him. I’ll take care of everything, don’t worry.”
Shige stares at him, into the gaze full of concern and worry and, the one emotion he hasn’t seen in months, love. His heart swells in his chest, and he blinks back tears of relief, of happiness, of hope. Nodding, he smiles at Yamapi. “Okay,” he says, lifts his head to kiss him again. “Okay.”
{ Pin, PG, 176 words | Kimi omou yoru - NewS }
The darkness is almost illuminating under Tokyo’s lights, and Yamapi stares at the skyline from his window, watches the unfading glow. It’s well into the night now, but he can’t find the energy to sleep, curled up on the chair by the window, hugging a pillow to his chest and thinking of promises and how long he’s been waiting.
He’s been gone for almost six months now, and Yamapi wonders if he’ll ever come back. Yamapi remembers the things they’d said to each other before he left, the words they’d whispered in each other’s ears on the gradual fall down from that mutual high. He remembers the touches and the feelings too, but the words, those he’ll never forget. How Jin had breathed, “I love you,” before kissing him, how Jin had said, “Wait for me,” at the airport, how Jin had reassured, “I’ll be back,” as he waved and walked away.
Yamapi remembers those things, thinks about them almost every night, sleepless nights spent thinking of Jin, and clinging desperately to the promises he made.
{ Ryoda, PG-13, 224 words | MIROTIC - DBSK }
Ueda shoves Ryo against the wall of the empty dressing room, gets into his face and glares. “You’re seriously fucking pissing me off,” he exclaims, wanting nothing better than to punch the bastard in that infuriatingly smirking face.
Ryo just continues smirking. “You like the attention, and you know it,” he replies easily, watching with interest as anger flashes through Ueda’s gorgeous brown eyes.
Ueda clenches his fists at his sides, teeth grinding as he tries not to snap, hates the way Ryo could get under his skin so effortlessly. That even now, after all these years, a single word from Ryo had his blood boiling, that even a casual glance or smirk had Ueda reacting in violent ways. Jin claimed Ueda’s reactions were merely repressed sexual frustrations. Ueda thought Jin was full of shit.
But then Ryo’s smirking even wider, eyes shining in amusement, and Ueda can’t help but think he looks kind of hot, what with his hair in his face and his lips curved that way. So when Ryo closes the space between them by pressing their mouths together, Ueda doesn’t really resist, mostly because Ryo’s holding his hips tightly and doing wicked things with his tongue, but perhaps because Ryo got under his skin in a completely different way that was totally unrelated to wanting to punch his face in.
{ Pin(nifer), PG-13, 407 words | Lady Marmalade - Christina Aguliera, Pink, Lil’ Kim, Mya }
Yamapi scrunches his nose in distaste at the music in the room, struggles against the binds that held him against the chair. The song was in English, words he couldn’t really make out, though the beat was decent. It sounded slightly familiar, maybe from a movie or something, but Yamapi couldn’t really get into it. He didn’t prefer this kind of music.
Growing impatient, and hating that he was tied to a chair and blindfolded, he calls out, “Jin! What the fuck are you doing?”
Not having even realized there was someone in the room with him, Yamapi starts when he feels long fingers grip and tug at his hair. “It’s not Jin,” a soft voice breathes into his ear and Yamapi can’t help the shiver that runs through him.
“Oh, really?” he responds, lips curving into a smirk. “What do I call you, then?”
Yamapi hears the click of heals on the floor, feels the fingers in his hair loosen, rub softly against his scalp, then trail along his cheek, down to his jaw. “Jinnifer,” is the calm reply, and Yamapi almost laughs, but then Jin - Jinnifer - is straddling his lap, and the blindfold slips off his eyes.
It’s clearly Jin’s face that’s staring back at him, framed by thick brown curls that fall over his shoulders and down his back, his eyes large with heavily applied mascara and eyeliner, and vibrant red lipstick painted his mouth.
“You look like a whore,” Yamapi says, struggling not to laugh despite the fact the whole situation turned him on to new indescribable levels.
Jin says nothing, only bites his lower lip and rolls his hips in time to the music and Yamapi can’t stop the moan that escapes his throat. Yamapi tugs on his binds, furious now that he can’t reach out and touch Jin, but Jin just gives him a sultry smirk, eyes shining, and leans in to Yamapi’s ear.
“Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir,” he sings softly along with the song, and Yamapi’s eyes flutter close, head dropping back as Jin rocks against him faster.
“What does that even mean?” Yamapi gasps, moving up against Jin as much as he can, the binds around his ankles restricting him more than he would have liked.
Jin laughs. “I have no idea,” he says. “It just sounds hot.”
Yamapi catches his eyes and replies, “You are hot, fuck. Now shut up and kiss me.”
{ NewS gen, PG, 331 words, AU | Circus - Britney Spears }
“Why do I have to be the mime?” Shige demands for the tenth time.
“Because you annoy people everytime you open your mouth,” Ryo replies easily. “Stop talking.”
“Why can’t I be the lion tamer?” Shige says, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Ryo, but the white facepaint over his face ruins the threat.
Ryo smirks, bradishing his whip. “Because I am amazing.”
“If you’re so amazing, why aren’t you ringleader?”
“Because that’s Yamapi’s job!” Koyama chirps, popping up behind Shige.
Shige jumps, both from Koyama’s unexpected appearance, and Koyama’s actual appearance. “Oh my god, you’re a clown,” Shige exclaims while Ryo roars with laughter.
“Yes! I can make little kids happy!” Koyama beams.
“Or make them cry,” Ryo says and Shige nudges him in the stomach with an elbow.
“Uhm, where are the others?” Shige says, quickly changing the topic.
“Shige,” Massu says, joining them as soon as the words leave Shige’s mouth. “That outfits suits you!”
“I’m a mime! How does that suit anyone?” Shige exclaims incredulously but Massu just smiles at him. “You suit your outfit perfectly,” he adds, grumbling, taking in Massu’s The Strongest Man on Earth costume.
Massu beams beside Koyama, the force of the two of their smiles even has Ryo looking happy. Then Yamapi joins them, looking by far the most normal in his black attire, the top hat and the cane the only slightly off-putting items.
“Am I really fit for this?” he asks and Ryo instantly says, “No,” while Koyama and Massu say, “Yes!”
Shige just wants to go home and says exasperatedly, “Where’s Tegoshi? This is all his fault in the first place, he better not have ditched or something.”
“This is Tegoshi’s dream, remember, Shige?” Koyama says just as Yamapi exclaims, “Oh, no, the show’s going to start! Come on, let’s get in our places.”
Shige grumbles again, hating his life, hating Tegoshi, and groans, “Why am I the mime?”
“Stop talking, Shige,” Ryo advises and shoves Shige mid-grumble into the ring.
{ Jin/Leah Dizon, PG-13, 307 words | My Love - Justin Timberlake }
She comes up to him after the filming, waiting outside of KAT-TUN’s dressing room, staring at her fingernails when he walks out. Smiling, she nods her head towards her own dressing room and walks down the hall, the click of her heels calling after him.
Jin follows, mostly because he’s Jin, but also because she’s Leah Dizon, and even if this wasn’t going to where he was thinking it was going, he could always pretend to Ryo that it did.
Leah shuts the door to her dressing room and turns to smile at him, flipping a strand of hair over her shoulder. “Do you always try to get girls by stealing song lyrics?” she asks, in English, and Jin would be lying if just her chosen form of language between them already turned him on.
He smirks. “If it works,” he answers in the same language, and steps up to her. “Did it?” he asks, slowly licks his lips as he puts his hands lightly on her lips and she shakes the bangs out of her eyes, meets his gaze.
“Hm, I’m not sure yet,” she teases. “Might want to try some more.”
“If I told me you were beautiful, would you date me on the regular?” Jin breathes into her ear, reciting lines from the song. He feels her smiling into the crook of his neck, her long fingers trailing up his back, curling into his hair. “You can be my baby, let me make you my lady, girl, you amaze me.”
Leah tilts her head, pressing her lips along his jaw, pauses just when their mouths are a breath apart. “I think it’s working,” she whispers, and Jin smiles.
“All I want you to do is be my love,” he sings, and when she kisses him, he wonders fleetingly how to break it to Ryo.
{ Akame, PG, 371 words | Hold on - Jonas Brothers }
The day they debut, Kame kisses him. It’s rushed and sudden and exhilariting; in an empty dark hallway on the way back from Johnny’s office to the dressing room. Jin makes a kind of surprised, pleased sound, but doesn’t push him away, and Kame smiles into his mouth, because finally, finally, he was getting everything he ever wanted.
The day Jin told them he was going, Kame punches him. He wants to yell and scream and shout, but the look on Jin’s face after being hit, the fleeting anguish disguised as determination, as anger, it breaks Kame inside. And all he can do is ask Why?
The day Jin leaves, Kame doesn’t go to see him off. Numb and isolated, he stays at home instead, curled in his bed, hating himself for caring so much, hating himself for not caring enough. The empty room sounds loud in his ears while the beating of his heart seems to get quieter in his chest.
Ueda comes and sees him later. Coaxes Kame out for drinks. The world seems to fall apart around him and before he knows it, he’s leaning on the bar, head in his arms, shoulders shaking in silent tears. Ueda takes him home, puts him to bed. Kame catches his wrist before he leaves, peers up at Ueda through tired, pained eyes.
“He’s not coming back, is he?”
Ueda doesn’t answer, and Kame releases his wrist, curls up in bed and sleeps.
The next morning, he’s cold all over, his head is pounding and Jin is still gone.
Jin never calls, so Kame doesn’t either. Maybe it hurts less that way. Jin left the group, but left him, and Kame doesn’t have time to whine and regret everything that had happened, to wallow in memories he’d thought would last a lifetime. Now, they hurt to look back upon, burdening him, suffocating him, because Jin wasn’t coming back. They all knew it.
But the day Kame lets go, Jin returns. It’s six months later. And he apologizes. He tries. Looks on the verge of tears, frustrated and anguished, regretting it all. He apologizes to Kame, over and over again. But now, things are different. Kame’s let go, and Jin’s still holding on.
{ Shige-centric, PG, 214 words, AU | DRINK IT DOWN - L’Arc~en~ciel }
Darkness spreads across the streets, melting colors into dark blues and blacks, the sky above twinkles with the only pieces of light for miles.
Shige runs.
Down alleyways and unilluminated streets, running faster and faster, trying hard to find something, anything, the sliver of light to free him. He can hear them chase him, feel those dark, endless eyes on the back of his head, watching, watching, watching. A low chuckle rips through the silent air.
“It’s too late to get out,” the voice says, deep and amused.
And then he’s trapped. Turned into an alley with no end, and there’s no where else to go. Shige turns around, backed against the wall, stares with sinking horror as the man walks into view. He’s shorter, but far more intimidating, and those endless black eyes stare straight at him. He smiles, then, pointed teeth - fangs, Shige reminds himself - and closes the space between them, walking closer.
“It’s too late,” the man repeats, reaches a cold hand out to Shige’s face.
Shige shudders at the touch, eyes wide in fear, because he knows it too. It’s too late to get out. He was caught. The man - vampire, Shige corrects - leans in then, tilting Shige’s head back, exposes his neck.
And Shige accepts the taste of darkness.
{ Ryo/Koyama/Yamapi, PG-13, 322 words | Why - NewS }
Ryo wakes to the sounds of rustling sheets, opens his eyes to find Koyama sliding out of bed carefully. He hasn’t noticed Ryo’s awake yet, and Ryo watches him silently from the bed, watches as Koyama dresses, soft and cautious movements. When Koyama finishes, he looks at the bed, and Ryo quickly shuts his eyes. There’s an eternity between them then, both knowing Koyama knew Ryo was awake, both knowing exactly where Koyama was going.
Ryo doesn’t stop him. There’s nothing to say anyway. Koyama leaves a few moments later, hurriedly rushing out of the bedroom and only once the front door clicks shut after him does Ryo breathe.
It happens again the next morning, only Koyama’s sliding out of someone else’s bed. With someone else watching him as he dresses. But it’s different today. Yamapi’s eyes are softer, anguished and confused, and Koyama leans in to kiss him, smiling against his mouth and Yamapi rests his hands on Koyama’s waist, warmth seeping through Koyama’s shirt, and draws circles with his thumbs.
Yamapi doesn’t stop him and Koyama leaves without another word. Because down the street, Ryo’s waiting for him, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, staring out through the rain-streaked windows with eyes of heartbreak. Koyama taps on the door and Ryo lets him in, brushes Koyama’s wet hair from his face and Koyama smiles. But there’s no meaning to this smile. It’s different than the one he had given to Yamapi mere moments ago.
And so it goes. Ryo can’t let him go, so he lives with it instead, this sinking feeling that’s enveloped him completely, and he can’t escape it. All of it suffocating him because Koyama doesn’t love him anymore.
But Ryo’s not one to give up so easily. Even if he hurts inside, he can’t give Koyama up. And Koyama waits, with broken smiles and dead promises, waits for the moment Ryo will tell him goodbye.
{ Ryoda, PG, 320 | I hate everything about you - Three Days Grace }
Ueda punches him the day he catches him cheating. He wonders why he never realized it before. And that evening he moves out, despite the desperate please to stay, to please, please don’t go, I love you, I do, it was a mistake.
Ueda punches him again. (And relishes the fact the next day Jin tells him that NewS’ make-up artists threw a hissy-fit. Ryo deserves it, he tells Jin, and Jin knows better than to disagree, even if they were best friends.)
He’s surprised by how he doesn’t miss him. Because he did love him. But he’s busy with work and he doesn’t miss him yet. He hangs out with Nakamaru and Taguchi. He ignores Ryo’s phone calls. He shops with Kamenashi. And contemplates rearending Ryo’s car one day at the jimusho. He writes a song with Jin. Shakes his head at Yamashita when he tries to appeal to him on Ryo’s behalf. He goes to a concert with Koki. And screams at Ryo when he’s waiting outside Ueda’s apartment.
Only when he truly stops to think about it, only then does he realize it. He hates him, everything about him, but still, can’t stop loving him. It hurts to see him, not just because he hates him, but because he can’t stand to be without him. And Ueda hates himself for feeling this way. Because why couldn’t it have been easier? Why couldn’t he have cared less and therefore had to feel less pain?
But no, it mocks him. Ryo’s continuous attempts at apologizing, and Ueda’s constant ignorance. Ueda hates him. And yet, he loves him. So when Ryo spends over an hour knocking on his door, Ueda lets him in. And when Ryo apologizes until his throat his sore, Ueda forgives him. And when Ryo hesitates just a breath before kissing him, Ueda does it for him. Because he does love him. Even though he hates him.
{ Pin, PG, AU, 252 words | DISTANCE - KAT-TUN }
The streetlights are bright that day, brighter than other days, it feels. The day that we parted, I remember how the lights glowed. They glowed around your face, streams of glittering light that illuminated you to new levels. You always used to glow, before. But now something has changed, and only under the streetlights did you shine again that night.
We parted with quiet, forced words. Because it was too hard to do anything else, to make it sound like everything would be okay when we both knew it wouldn’t. There wasn’t anything else to be done. You wanted to do different things, wanted to live your own life at your own pace, you didn’t want to be nailed down by a company that didn’t care shit about you except for how much sales you brought in.
And I. I was the opposite, bred and raised under the very same company’s walls. I knew the pain, I knew the hate, I knew it all, but I wasn’t brave, really. Not as brave as you to walk away. You’d told me to go with you. That we could do better on our own, that we didn’t need them. And I was the one to tell you goodbye. With a stinging in my eyes that didn’t vanish for months, and with a ache in my chest that grew worse everyday.
And now you’re gone. And I still hear your voice everytime I walk under the streetlights.
But they don’t shine nearly as bright anymore.
{ Surprise pairing~ Can you figure it out?, PG, AU, 357 words | Far Away - Nickelback }
“You left.”
“I know.”
“You didn’t call.”
“You didn’t either.”
“Don’t make this my fault.”
“…Sorry.”
“Are you really?”
“…No. I-I don’t regret leaving. I was never meant for this kind of work anyway. I was. I was never like you.”
“You weren’t meant to be. You were you. That’s what was important.”
“Maybe. Maybe. Either way, I don’t regret it. I. I like the person I am now. I like the person I grew up to be. Being with you and everyone else, it was good, but I think we all knew it wouldn’t last forever.”
“Except for Koyama.”
A chuckle. “Yeah, but he doesn’t count.”
A smile. “He’ll be upset to hear you say that. He’s missed you a lot, too. W-We all have.”
“Not Nishikido-kun as much, though, I bet.”
A grin. “Ryo-chan loves you too. He just has a different way of showing it. He was the one who called me up telling me you won your first case.”
Eyes widen. “Really?”
“Really.” A pause. “I’ve missed you.”
“I. I have, too. I’ve missed you, too. A lot. More than I’d have ever thought possible, really.”
“You should have called then. We. We could have.”
“You should have, too.”
“You were busy. Topshot lawyer and all of that.”
A smile. “So were you. JE’s best solo artist. Off on tours and single promotions. You look like you haven’t slept for weeks.”
“I feel like I haven’t slept since you left.”
“Don’t put that on me.”
“I’m sorry.”
A sigh. “I don’t know what to do now.”
“You’re not going anywhere now, are you? Now that we’ve met again, you’re not going to disappear, right?”
“No. I’m not disappearing again.”
A smile. And then a kiss, soft and quick and full of years of memories and sadness and longing.
“Then we’re okay.”
Another kiss. “Yeah. We’re okay.”
Yamapi stands and stretches, smiling the most brightly he has in years. He brushes the hair from the other’s eyes. “I’m glad you’re back.”
Shige smiles at him, warm and genuine. He stands and takes Yamapi’s hand, intertwining fingers, pressing palms together. “I’m glad you waited for me.”
{ RyoShige, PG, 693 words | Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows }
Ryo tells him he loves him. Shige laughs.
“Tegoshi put you up to that, didn’t he?” Shige says, shaking his head with amusement. He pats Ryo’s shoulder as he stands. “You almost had me going there, you actually are a good actor.”
Still laughing, Shige leaves the dressing room. Ryo doesn’t know whether to laugh or kick something.
(He ends up kicking Jin ten minutes later when he passes him in the hall.)
“You should stop with the jokes, Ryo-chan,” Yamapi advises a few days later. Shige was growing more agitated with Ryo’s continued attempts to confess to him and it was causing the group to suffer.
“Who the fuck said they were jokes?” Ryo demands, eyes flashing dangerously.
“So you really love him?” Yamapi exclaims, shocked.
Ryo looks embarrassed. “It was an accident, okay? Damn, Shige, and his, well, everything, and-Stop looking at me like that!”
Yamapi snickers behind his hand, then stops, swears he won’t tell a soul.
(He mails Jin later that night. Jin laughs for an hour and chain-mails everyone else in the jimusho.)
“Shige, I didn’t know, why didn’t you tell me?” Koyama exclaims, tackling Shige the instant the younger boy enters NewS dressing room the next morning.
“T-Tell you what?” Shige says, bewildered.
“Aw, he’s being shy, that’s cute,” Tegoshi coos, grinning as if he’d known it all along.
“Shige, why didn’t you tell us?” Massu questions, pouting.
Shige stares at them like they’d all grown appendages out of their heads. “What’re you talking about?”
“About you and Ryo-chan!”
Shige chokes on nothing. “What?”
“You’re dating, aren’t you? That’s so cute!”
Shige feels like throwing up, not quite sure if it’s from disgust, or from the quesiness he feels that they might know at all about how he feels about Ryo.
“Oh, there’s Ryo-chan!” Koyama exclaims, and Shige turns around quickly, eyes narrowing.
“What have you been telling them?” he demands.
“Telling what?” Ryo says, confused.
“They think we’re dating!” Shige hisses.
Ryo stares at him, then flicks his gaze to Yamapi who quickly runs out of the room. “Dammit, Pi, I told you not to tell anyone!” Ryo shouts after him and Shige’s eyes go wide, realizing what that might mean.
“W-Wait, you actually meant it?”
Ryo turns to him, meets his gaze and says, quietly, “What do you think?” And before Shige can respond, Ryo turns and walks out the door.
(“So,” Tegoshi says. “You’re not dating?” Shige debates against punching him.)
Ryo answers the door without checking to see who’s waiting on the other side, so he’s surprised to find Shige staring at him, looking small and nervous. Not trusting his voice, Ryo steps back to let Shige in, then heads back to the kitchen to continue making dinner. Shige follows, and hovers awkwardly by the counter for awhile, until Ryo hands him a knife and a few tomatoes and grins. Shige gives him a Look, but Ryo only grins more, and, with an exasperated sigh, Shige sets to work. They hardly speak while preparing dinner, using silent gestures more than anything else, but somehow it fits, they way the work together, both aware of each moment their hips bump or their elbows touch.
They eat in silence, sitting side by side on Ryo’s couch, watching old episodes of Utaban, laughing at KAT-TUN beneath their breath. Ryo’s not sure what to say, how to bring it up. Shige should know everything now, he thinks. That he’s done his part and there was nothing else to be done; the next move was up to Shige.
Shige must have realized that, Ryo thinks, for a few moments later, Shige sets his plate on the coffee table and says, “Do you, uhm, really love me?”
“It was an accident,” Ryo insists. Shige punches him. “What!”
“You don’t tell someone it was an accident to fall in love with them!”
“But it was! Why else would I fall for you?” They glare at each other for a moment, then Ryo asks, “Do you love me?”
Shige stares at him, then grins, eyes bright. “It was an accident,” he replies and Ryo laughs before leaning in and kissing him.
{ Jinda, PG, 1354 words, AU | Goodbye, Thank you - Kis-my-ft2 }
It’s been years now, since Jin had left for L.A. and KAT-TUN had broken up. Ueda still sees a few of them, Nakamaru and Taguchi, mainly, on weekends. Calls them up at least once a week, vows not to lose touch. Kamenashi calls sometimes too, but he’s the most busy of them all, having gone solo after the break, and making it big on his own. Ueda saw Koki for the first time in a few months the week before; he’s been focusing mostly on drama work, and had seemed good. Ueda, well, Ueda was sort of floating. He’d formed a band, like he’d always wanted, a good group of guys around his age, and they’d just finished a nationwide tour a month ago. But Ueda can’t shake the feeling, that despite the fact that he was doing something he had always wanted, despite the fact that he was content with his life, that he was missing something. Or someone. Mainly someone.
It’s been years since he’s seen Jin. Ueda can’t remember if he was even in the country still. He remembers when KAT-TUN broke up, when Jin had tried to hide his guilt and regret with a face full of determination, that yes, he wanted to leave, wanted to do something different, was sick of the company, sick of them. Ueda remembers not believing him, remembers calling him everyday for the next week, to talk to him, to find out what had really caused this, remembers trying desperately to keep him there. Because there had always been something about Jin, his childishness, his excitement and smiles, however rare, his energy and spark, his stubborness, Ueda was drawn to those things. He hadn’t realized it then, not really, but now, after Jin had left, after not seeing him for years, Ueda regrets never having figured it out. Regrets letting the one person he may have loved to slip through his fingers.
And now Ueda just floats along, waiting, hoping, praying even, that maybe they’ll stumble across one another. Just to have one more chance would be enough, to tell Jin everything, lay it out in the open. Though, more than words of passion and intimacy, he wants to say goodbye properly. Not the way it had happened all those years ago, because Ueda had refused to see Jin off. No, this time, Ueda would do it right.
The chance arrives some few weeks later, disguised in the form of a JE Christmas party that Nakamaru drags him to, where Ueda finds the rest of KT-TUN and NewS and Kanjani8 and Arashi mingling about. Everyone seems cheerful, even Nishikido wishes him a happy holidays and Ueda has to resist punching him in the face, just because. Ueda’s having a good time, too, is on his third glass of white wine, maybe a little tipsy, when suddenly he sees him. A face he could never forget, lingering uncertainly by the doorway.
“Jin,” he mutters under his breath, but everyone around him hears, and the entire room falls silent, heads turning simultaneously towards the door.
Jin gives them a sheepish smile. “Hi,” he says, and it’s Yamapi and Ryo who get to him first, pulling him in while Kanjani8 and Arashi move away, and KT-TUN stare with shocked eyes at their long lost sixth member.
Taguchi breaks it first, standing and saying, “Welcome back,” like Jin had been gone for a week vacation than years, and his words set off a chain reaction, Koki, and Maru following suit. Kame’s words are a little stiff, because everything between them was still painful and broken, but he smiles when he says them, and Jin knows in that look that everything is all right. But he turns to Ueda then, eyes hopeful and hesitant all at once, and Ueda can only manage a short nod and another “Welcome back, Jin.”
He thinks he imagines the flash of disappointment in Jin’s eyes for the next second they’re gone, and Jin’s pushed down into the couch beside him and Ueda wants nothing to do than run away. He’s far too aware of Jin’s every moment beside him, aware of how he looks and sounds and breathes and feels and it’s not long before Ueda can’t stand it anymore, excusing himself to get more drinks and scuttering off to the kitchen. He pours himself another glass of something, not caring now, and sinks to the floor behind the kitchen counter, knows no one would be able to see him there. He sips slowly at his drink, wonders what to do, what to say, how to act, now that Jin was there, in the same country, same city, same house. It was too sudden, too unexpected, and Ueda wasn’t sure if he could do everything he had resolved himself to do the moment he saw Jin again.
He’s thinking about leaving then, through the back door so no one could see him, when someone knocks on the counter above his head and he looks up to find Jin smiling down at him. Shit, he thinks, as Jin slides down beside him, their shoulders touching.
“Hiding?” Jin teases.
“Maybe,” Ueda returns. “You?”
“Maybe,” he answers. “I’m not really in the mood to be the center of attention.”
Ueda can’t help but grin. “That’s a surprise, coming from you.”
Jin nudges him with an elbow. “I wasn’t that bad.”
“Oh, yes, you were.” Ueda laughs and Jin smiles, twists his hands together in his lap.
“How’ve you been?” Ueda says finally. “What’ve you been up to?”
Jin shrugs. “I’m good. Real good.” He pauses. “Not much, really. Just different work, other things, here and there.” He pauses again and says, “I. I went to see you perform. In Osaka a month ago, when you were touring.”
Ueda’s eyes go wide and he finally turns to actually look at Jin. “W-Why didn’t you say anything?”
Jin looks away. “You know, I-I’ve been keeping up with all of you. Been to Kamenashi’s concert once, I watch every drama Koki’s done, keep up with Maru’s MCing and Taguchi’s TV appearances.” He sighs, stares at his feet. “I guess I’ve missed you guys. Maybe. A lot. But, coming back was too hard. I’d fucked everything up. We couldn’t go back to being KAT-TUN again anyway.”
Ueda stares at him with disbelief and finds himself repeating, “Why didn’t you say anything? It-It didn’t have to be this way, you know.”
“Yeah, I know,” Jin says. “It would be too hard, though. Because while I missed them a lot, I missed you more.” He meets Ueda’s eyes again for a brief moment then looks away again. “And, well, I wasn’t sure what that meant.”
Ueda watches him for a moment, then, without being able to control it, bursts into laughter. Jin looks up sharply, surprised, and punches Ueda when he doesn’t stop. “I’m sorry,” Ueda gasps. “It’s just, you’re such an idiot, Akanishi.”
“What!” Jin exclaims, insulted and confused, but before he can say anything else, Ueda’s closing the space between them with a gentle press of their lips.
Ueda pulls back quickly, stares at Jin, gauging for any form of negative reaction, but then Jin is grinning widely at him, reaching a hand around Ueda’s neck and pulling him forward again. It’s a deeper, harder kiss this time, full of years of waiting and hope and longing. Jin breaks it a moment later, leans his forehead against Ueda’s and Ueda can count his eyelashes, stark black against his pale cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” Jin says. “For leaving, for keeping up with you but not actually keeping up. I, I should’ve said something. You’re right.”
“Of course I am,” Ueda replies. “You’re still an idiot. Glad to see that hasn’t changed.”
“Can we leave now?” Jin asks. “I only waited years for this and I’d rather not the first time be on the floor of Matsumoto’s kitchen.”
Ueda rolls his eyes, but pulls them to their feet. He brushes his lips against Jin’s again, pulls back and says, “Thank you.”
Jin furrows his brows. “What for?” he asks.
Ueda smiles. “For coming back.”
note; I hope you enjoyed at least one of them. :) Thanks for reading. ♥
{ KoyaShige, PG-13, 262 words | Make Love - Big Bang }
Koyama pulls back, smiles as he meets Shige’s gaze beneath him, and brushes the younger boy’s hair out of his eyes.
Shige makes a soft noise of contentment as Koyama thumbs his cheek, then his jaw, leans in to press his nose against the softness just behind his ear. Shige threads his fingers through Koyama’s hair, massages his scalp and stretches his neck just enough to kiss Koyama’s forehead.
Koyama sighs happily, sliding off of Shige’s body to rest next to him, entwines their fingers together, presses their palms against the other. “I love you,” he breathes then, just barely above a whisper, words he hadn’t meant to say, but the second they left his lips he didn’t want to take them back, felt that it was right. In this moment it was right.
Shige stares at him for a long moment and Koyama feels his stomach clench and coil unpleasantly, his heart dying in his chest, breath caught in his throat. Then Shige smiles, eyes shining, cheeks glowing, and he kisses Koyama, gently and unhurriedly. Pulling back a moment later, he says, “I love you, too.”
And Koyama lets out that breath in his throat, feels like he’s flying, having wanted to hear those words for days, for weeks, for months, for years. And hearing them now, seeing Shige’s genuine face, eyes full of love, Koyama knows everything’s okay, that this was meant to be, that these feelings he’s agonized over weren’t wrong, knows now that Shige is the only one he’s meant to love, the only one he’ll ever need.
{ RyoShige, ShigePi, PG-13, 288 words | Get another Boyfriend - Backstreet Boys }
Shige stares at Yamapi for a long moment, then turns away, curling up on the corner of the couch, knees to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around them. He feels everything build up inside him, tries to force the sob in his throat down, presses his forehead on his knees, mutters, “Fuck.”
“Shige,” Yamapi says instantly, over at his side, dropping a hand onto Shige’s shoulder, squeezes comfortingly. “Shige, why are you still doing this, if it hurts so much?”
“I-I…” Shige starts, but can’t quite say it. I love him, it doesn’t sound right anymore.
“He’ll keep doing this, you know,” Yamapi says, watches Shige closely, chest clenching tightly around his heart at the pain that shines in Shige’s eyes. “Ryo-chan.” He paushes, swallows, tries to think of how to say this properly. “You should stop this. Before he hurts you more.”
Shige shakes his head. “I don’t, I don’t know how to leave him.” He glances up at Yamapi, eyes wide in hurt and horror. “I want to, I do, I know he doesn’t love me like he says, playing around with all these other, other people, but, I-”
Shige gasps into Yamapi’s mouth, but before he can really grasp what’s happened, Yamapi pulls away slowly, leans his forehead against Shige’s.
“He’s not worthy of you, Shige,” Yamapi breathes softly. “Leave him. I’ll take care of everything, don’t worry.”
Shige stares at him, into the gaze full of concern and worry and, the one emotion he hasn’t seen in months, love. His heart swells in his chest, and he blinks back tears of relief, of happiness, of hope. Nodding, he smiles at Yamapi. “Okay,” he says, lifts his head to kiss him again. “Okay.”
{ Pin, PG, 176 words | Kimi omou yoru - NewS }
The darkness is almost illuminating under Tokyo’s lights, and Yamapi stares at the skyline from his window, watches the unfading glow. It’s well into the night now, but he can’t find the energy to sleep, curled up on the chair by the window, hugging a pillow to his chest and thinking of promises and how long he’s been waiting.
He’s been gone for almost six months now, and Yamapi wonders if he’ll ever come back. Yamapi remembers the things they’d said to each other before he left, the words they’d whispered in each other’s ears on the gradual fall down from that mutual high. He remembers the touches and the feelings too, but the words, those he’ll never forget. How Jin had breathed, “I love you,” before kissing him, how Jin had said, “Wait for me,” at the airport, how Jin had reassured, “I’ll be back,” as he waved and walked away.
Yamapi remembers those things, thinks about them almost every night, sleepless nights spent thinking of Jin, and clinging desperately to the promises he made.
{ Ryoda, PG-13, 224 words | MIROTIC - DBSK }
Ueda shoves Ryo against the wall of the empty dressing room, gets into his face and glares. “You’re seriously fucking pissing me off,” he exclaims, wanting nothing better than to punch the bastard in that infuriatingly smirking face.
Ryo just continues smirking. “You like the attention, and you know it,” he replies easily, watching with interest as anger flashes through Ueda’s gorgeous brown eyes.
Ueda clenches his fists at his sides, teeth grinding as he tries not to snap, hates the way Ryo could get under his skin so effortlessly. That even now, after all these years, a single word from Ryo had his blood boiling, that even a casual glance or smirk had Ueda reacting in violent ways. Jin claimed Ueda’s reactions were merely repressed sexual frustrations. Ueda thought Jin was full of shit.
But then Ryo’s smirking even wider, eyes shining in amusement, and Ueda can’t help but think he looks kind of hot, what with his hair in his face and his lips curved that way. So when Ryo closes the space between them by pressing their mouths together, Ueda doesn’t really resist, mostly because Ryo’s holding his hips tightly and doing wicked things with his tongue, but perhaps because Ryo got under his skin in a completely different way that was totally unrelated to wanting to punch his face in.
{ Pin(nifer), PG-13, 407 words | Lady Marmalade - Christina Aguliera, Pink, Lil’ Kim, Mya }
Yamapi scrunches his nose in distaste at the music in the room, struggles against the binds that held him against the chair. The song was in English, words he couldn’t really make out, though the beat was decent. It sounded slightly familiar, maybe from a movie or something, but Yamapi couldn’t really get into it. He didn’t prefer this kind of music.
Growing impatient, and hating that he was tied to a chair and blindfolded, he calls out, “Jin! What the fuck are you doing?”
Not having even realized there was someone in the room with him, Yamapi starts when he feels long fingers grip and tug at his hair. “It’s not Jin,” a soft voice breathes into his ear and Yamapi can’t help the shiver that runs through him.
“Oh, really?” he responds, lips curving into a smirk. “What do I call you, then?”
Yamapi hears the click of heals on the floor, feels the fingers in his hair loosen, rub softly against his scalp, then trail along his cheek, down to his jaw. “Jinnifer,” is the calm reply, and Yamapi almost laughs, but then Jin - Jinnifer - is straddling his lap, and the blindfold slips off his eyes.
It’s clearly Jin’s face that’s staring back at him, framed by thick brown curls that fall over his shoulders and down his back, his eyes large with heavily applied mascara and eyeliner, and vibrant red lipstick painted his mouth.
“You look like a whore,” Yamapi says, struggling not to laugh despite the fact the whole situation turned him on to new indescribable levels.
Jin says nothing, only bites his lower lip and rolls his hips in time to the music and Yamapi can’t stop the moan that escapes his throat. Yamapi tugs on his binds, furious now that he can’t reach out and touch Jin, but Jin just gives him a sultry smirk, eyes shining, and leans in to Yamapi’s ear.
“Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir,” he sings softly along with the song, and Yamapi’s eyes flutter close, head dropping back as Jin rocks against him faster.
“What does that even mean?” Yamapi gasps, moving up against Jin as much as he can, the binds around his ankles restricting him more than he would have liked.
Jin laughs. “I have no idea,” he says. “It just sounds hot.”
Yamapi catches his eyes and replies, “You are hot, fuck. Now shut up and kiss me.”
{ NewS gen, PG, 331 words, AU | Circus - Britney Spears }
“Why do I have to be the mime?” Shige demands for the tenth time.
“Because you annoy people everytime you open your mouth,” Ryo replies easily. “Stop talking.”
“Why can’t I be the lion tamer?” Shige says, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Ryo, but the white facepaint over his face ruins the threat.
Ryo smirks, bradishing his whip. “Because I am amazing.”
“If you’re so amazing, why aren’t you ringleader?”
“Because that’s Yamapi’s job!” Koyama chirps, popping up behind Shige.
Shige jumps, both from Koyama’s unexpected appearance, and Koyama’s actual appearance. “Oh my god, you’re a clown,” Shige exclaims while Ryo roars with laughter.
“Yes! I can make little kids happy!” Koyama beams.
“Or make them cry,” Ryo says and Shige nudges him in the stomach with an elbow.
“Uhm, where are the others?” Shige says, quickly changing the topic.
“Shige,” Massu says, joining them as soon as the words leave Shige’s mouth. “That outfits suits you!”
“I’m a mime! How does that suit anyone?” Shige exclaims incredulously but Massu just smiles at him. “You suit your outfit perfectly,” he adds, grumbling, taking in Massu’s The Strongest Man on Earth costume.
Massu beams beside Koyama, the force of the two of their smiles even has Ryo looking happy. Then Yamapi joins them, looking by far the most normal in his black attire, the top hat and the cane the only slightly off-putting items.
“Am I really fit for this?” he asks and Ryo instantly says, “No,” while Koyama and Massu say, “Yes!”
Shige just wants to go home and says exasperatedly, “Where’s Tegoshi? This is all his fault in the first place, he better not have ditched or something.”
“This is Tegoshi’s dream, remember, Shige?” Koyama says just as Yamapi exclaims, “Oh, no, the show’s going to start! Come on, let’s get in our places.”
Shige grumbles again, hating his life, hating Tegoshi, and groans, “Why am I the mime?”
“Stop talking, Shige,” Ryo advises and shoves Shige mid-grumble into the ring.
{ Jin/Leah Dizon, PG-13, 307 words | My Love - Justin Timberlake }
She comes up to him after the filming, waiting outside of KAT-TUN’s dressing room, staring at her fingernails when he walks out. Smiling, she nods her head towards her own dressing room and walks down the hall, the click of her heels calling after him.
Jin follows, mostly because he’s Jin, but also because she’s Leah Dizon, and even if this wasn’t going to where he was thinking it was going, he could always pretend to Ryo that it did.
Leah shuts the door to her dressing room and turns to smile at him, flipping a strand of hair over her shoulder. “Do you always try to get girls by stealing song lyrics?” she asks, in English, and Jin would be lying if just her chosen form of language between them already turned him on.
He smirks. “If it works,” he answers in the same language, and steps up to her. “Did it?” he asks, slowly licks his lips as he puts his hands lightly on her lips and she shakes the bangs out of her eyes, meets his gaze.
“Hm, I’m not sure yet,” she teases. “Might want to try some more.”
“If I told me you were beautiful, would you date me on the regular?” Jin breathes into her ear, reciting lines from the song. He feels her smiling into the crook of his neck, her long fingers trailing up his back, curling into his hair. “You can be my baby, let me make you my lady, girl, you amaze me.”
Leah tilts her head, pressing her lips along his jaw, pauses just when their mouths are a breath apart. “I think it’s working,” she whispers, and Jin smiles.
“All I want you to do is be my love,” he sings, and when she kisses him, he wonders fleetingly how to break it to Ryo.
{ Akame, PG, 371 words | Hold on - Jonas Brothers }
The day they debut, Kame kisses him. It’s rushed and sudden and exhilariting; in an empty dark hallway on the way back from Johnny’s office to the dressing room. Jin makes a kind of surprised, pleased sound, but doesn’t push him away, and Kame smiles into his mouth, because finally, finally, he was getting everything he ever wanted.
The day Jin told them he was going, Kame punches him. He wants to yell and scream and shout, but the look on Jin’s face after being hit, the fleeting anguish disguised as determination, as anger, it breaks Kame inside. And all he can do is ask Why?
The day Jin leaves, Kame doesn’t go to see him off. Numb and isolated, he stays at home instead, curled in his bed, hating himself for caring so much, hating himself for not caring enough. The empty room sounds loud in his ears while the beating of his heart seems to get quieter in his chest.
Ueda comes and sees him later. Coaxes Kame out for drinks. The world seems to fall apart around him and before he knows it, he’s leaning on the bar, head in his arms, shoulders shaking in silent tears. Ueda takes him home, puts him to bed. Kame catches his wrist before he leaves, peers up at Ueda through tired, pained eyes.
“He’s not coming back, is he?”
Ueda doesn’t answer, and Kame releases his wrist, curls up in bed and sleeps.
The next morning, he’s cold all over, his head is pounding and Jin is still gone.
Jin never calls, so Kame doesn’t either. Maybe it hurts less that way. Jin left the group, but left him, and Kame doesn’t have time to whine and regret everything that had happened, to wallow in memories he’d thought would last a lifetime. Now, they hurt to look back upon, burdening him, suffocating him, because Jin wasn’t coming back. They all knew it.
But the day Kame lets go, Jin returns. It’s six months later. And he apologizes. He tries. Looks on the verge of tears, frustrated and anguished, regretting it all. He apologizes to Kame, over and over again. But now, things are different. Kame’s let go, and Jin’s still holding on.
{ Shige-centric, PG, 214 words, AU | DRINK IT DOWN - L’Arc~en~ciel }
Darkness spreads across the streets, melting colors into dark blues and blacks, the sky above twinkles with the only pieces of light for miles.
Shige runs.
Down alleyways and unilluminated streets, running faster and faster, trying hard to find something, anything, the sliver of light to free him. He can hear them chase him, feel those dark, endless eyes on the back of his head, watching, watching, watching. A low chuckle rips through the silent air.
“It’s too late to get out,” the voice says, deep and amused.
And then he’s trapped. Turned into an alley with no end, and there’s no where else to go. Shige turns around, backed against the wall, stares with sinking horror as the man walks into view. He’s shorter, but far more intimidating, and those endless black eyes stare straight at him. He smiles, then, pointed teeth - fangs, Shige reminds himself - and closes the space between them, walking closer.
“It’s too late,” the man repeats, reaches a cold hand out to Shige’s face.
Shige shudders at the touch, eyes wide in fear, because he knows it too. It’s too late to get out. He was caught. The man - vampire, Shige corrects - leans in then, tilting Shige’s head back, exposes his neck.
And Shige accepts the taste of darkness.
{ Ryo/Koyama/Yamapi, PG-13, 322 words | Why - NewS }
Ryo wakes to the sounds of rustling sheets, opens his eyes to find Koyama sliding out of bed carefully. He hasn’t noticed Ryo’s awake yet, and Ryo watches him silently from the bed, watches as Koyama dresses, soft and cautious movements. When Koyama finishes, he looks at the bed, and Ryo quickly shuts his eyes. There’s an eternity between them then, both knowing Koyama knew Ryo was awake, both knowing exactly where Koyama was going.
Ryo doesn’t stop him. There’s nothing to say anyway. Koyama leaves a few moments later, hurriedly rushing out of the bedroom and only once the front door clicks shut after him does Ryo breathe.
It happens again the next morning, only Koyama’s sliding out of someone else’s bed. With someone else watching him as he dresses. But it’s different today. Yamapi’s eyes are softer, anguished and confused, and Koyama leans in to kiss him, smiling against his mouth and Yamapi rests his hands on Koyama’s waist, warmth seeping through Koyama’s shirt, and draws circles with his thumbs.
Yamapi doesn’t stop him and Koyama leaves without another word. Because down the street, Ryo’s waiting for him, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, staring out through the rain-streaked windows with eyes of heartbreak. Koyama taps on the door and Ryo lets him in, brushes Koyama’s wet hair from his face and Koyama smiles. But there’s no meaning to this smile. It’s different than the one he had given to Yamapi mere moments ago.
And so it goes. Ryo can’t let him go, so he lives with it instead, this sinking feeling that’s enveloped him completely, and he can’t escape it. All of it suffocating him because Koyama doesn’t love him anymore.
But Ryo’s not one to give up so easily. Even if he hurts inside, he can’t give Koyama up. And Koyama waits, with broken smiles and dead promises, waits for the moment Ryo will tell him goodbye.
{ Ryoda, PG, 320 | I hate everything about you - Three Days Grace }
Ueda punches him the day he catches him cheating. He wonders why he never realized it before. And that evening he moves out, despite the desperate please to stay, to please, please don’t go, I love you, I do, it was a mistake.
Ueda punches him again. (And relishes the fact the next day Jin tells him that NewS’ make-up artists threw a hissy-fit. Ryo deserves it, he tells Jin, and Jin knows better than to disagree, even if they were best friends.)
He’s surprised by how he doesn’t miss him. Because he did love him. But he’s busy with work and he doesn’t miss him yet. He hangs out with Nakamaru and Taguchi. He ignores Ryo’s phone calls. He shops with Kamenashi. And contemplates rearending Ryo’s car one day at the jimusho. He writes a song with Jin. Shakes his head at Yamashita when he tries to appeal to him on Ryo’s behalf. He goes to a concert with Koki. And screams at Ryo when he’s waiting outside Ueda’s apartment.
Only when he truly stops to think about it, only then does he realize it. He hates him, everything about him, but still, can’t stop loving him. It hurts to see him, not just because he hates him, but because he can’t stand to be without him. And Ueda hates himself for feeling this way. Because why couldn’t it have been easier? Why couldn’t he have cared less and therefore had to feel less pain?
But no, it mocks him. Ryo’s continuous attempts at apologizing, and Ueda’s constant ignorance. Ueda hates him. And yet, he loves him. So when Ryo spends over an hour knocking on his door, Ueda lets him in. And when Ryo apologizes until his throat his sore, Ueda forgives him. And when Ryo hesitates just a breath before kissing him, Ueda does it for him. Because he does love him. Even though he hates him.
{ Pin, PG, AU, 252 words | DISTANCE - KAT-TUN }
The streetlights are bright that day, brighter than other days, it feels. The day that we parted, I remember how the lights glowed. They glowed around your face, streams of glittering light that illuminated you to new levels. You always used to glow, before. But now something has changed, and only under the streetlights did you shine again that night.
We parted with quiet, forced words. Because it was too hard to do anything else, to make it sound like everything would be okay when we both knew it wouldn’t. There wasn’t anything else to be done. You wanted to do different things, wanted to live your own life at your own pace, you didn’t want to be nailed down by a company that didn’t care shit about you except for how much sales you brought in.
And I. I was the opposite, bred and raised under the very same company’s walls. I knew the pain, I knew the hate, I knew it all, but I wasn’t brave, really. Not as brave as you to walk away. You’d told me to go with you. That we could do better on our own, that we didn’t need them. And I was the one to tell you goodbye. With a stinging in my eyes that didn’t vanish for months, and with a ache in my chest that grew worse everyday.
And now you’re gone. And I still hear your voice everytime I walk under the streetlights.
But they don’t shine nearly as bright anymore.
{ Surprise pairing~ Can you figure it out?, PG, AU, 357 words | Far Away - Nickelback }
“You left.”
“I know.”
“You didn’t call.”
“You didn’t either.”
“Don’t make this my fault.”
“…Sorry.”
“Are you really?”
“…No. I-I don’t regret leaving. I was never meant for this kind of work anyway. I was. I was never like you.”
“You weren’t meant to be. You were you. That’s what was important.”
“Maybe. Maybe. Either way, I don’t regret it. I. I like the person I am now. I like the person I grew up to be. Being with you and everyone else, it was good, but I think we all knew it wouldn’t last forever.”
“Except for Koyama.”
A chuckle. “Yeah, but he doesn’t count.”
A smile. “He’ll be upset to hear you say that. He’s missed you a lot, too. W-We all have.”
“Not Nishikido-kun as much, though, I bet.”
A grin. “Ryo-chan loves you too. He just has a different way of showing it. He was the one who called me up telling me you won your first case.”
Eyes widen. “Really?”
“Really.” A pause. “I’ve missed you.”
“I. I have, too. I’ve missed you, too. A lot. More than I’d have ever thought possible, really.”
“You should have called then. We. We could have.”
“You should have, too.”
“You were busy. Topshot lawyer and all of that.”
A smile. “So were you. JE’s best solo artist. Off on tours and single promotions. You look like you haven’t slept for weeks.”
“I feel like I haven’t slept since you left.”
“Don’t put that on me.”
“I’m sorry.”
A sigh. “I don’t know what to do now.”
“You’re not going anywhere now, are you? Now that we’ve met again, you’re not going to disappear, right?”
“No. I’m not disappearing again.”
A smile. And then a kiss, soft and quick and full of years of memories and sadness and longing.
“Then we’re okay.”
Another kiss. “Yeah. We’re okay.”
Yamapi stands and stretches, smiling the most brightly he has in years. He brushes the hair from the other’s eyes. “I’m glad you’re back.”
Shige smiles at him, warm and genuine. He stands and takes Yamapi’s hand, intertwining fingers, pressing palms together. “I’m glad you waited for me.”
{ RyoShige, PG, 693 words | Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows }
Ryo tells him he loves him. Shige laughs.
“Tegoshi put you up to that, didn’t he?” Shige says, shaking his head with amusement. He pats Ryo’s shoulder as he stands. “You almost had me going there, you actually are a good actor.”
Still laughing, Shige leaves the dressing room. Ryo doesn’t know whether to laugh or kick something.
(He ends up kicking Jin ten minutes later when he passes him in the hall.)
“You should stop with the jokes, Ryo-chan,” Yamapi advises a few days later. Shige was growing more agitated with Ryo’s continued attempts to confess to him and it was causing the group to suffer.
“Who the fuck said they were jokes?” Ryo demands, eyes flashing dangerously.
“So you really love him?” Yamapi exclaims, shocked.
Ryo looks embarrassed. “It was an accident, okay? Damn, Shige, and his, well, everything, and-Stop looking at me like that!”
Yamapi snickers behind his hand, then stops, swears he won’t tell a soul.
(He mails Jin later that night. Jin laughs for an hour and chain-mails everyone else in the jimusho.)
“Shige, I didn’t know, why didn’t you tell me?” Koyama exclaims, tackling Shige the instant the younger boy enters NewS dressing room the next morning.
“T-Tell you what?” Shige says, bewildered.
“Aw, he’s being shy, that’s cute,” Tegoshi coos, grinning as if he’d known it all along.
“Shige, why didn’t you tell us?” Massu questions, pouting.
Shige stares at them like they’d all grown appendages out of their heads. “What’re you talking about?”
“About you and Ryo-chan!”
Shige chokes on nothing. “What?”
“You’re dating, aren’t you? That’s so cute!”
Shige feels like throwing up, not quite sure if it’s from disgust, or from the quesiness he feels that they might know at all about how he feels about Ryo.
“Oh, there’s Ryo-chan!” Koyama exclaims, and Shige turns around quickly, eyes narrowing.
“What have you been telling them?” he demands.
“Telling what?” Ryo says, confused.
“They think we’re dating!” Shige hisses.
Ryo stares at him, then flicks his gaze to Yamapi who quickly runs out of the room. “Dammit, Pi, I told you not to tell anyone!” Ryo shouts after him and Shige’s eyes go wide, realizing what that might mean.
“W-Wait, you actually meant it?”
Ryo turns to him, meets his gaze and says, quietly, “What do you think?” And before Shige can respond, Ryo turns and walks out the door.
(“So,” Tegoshi says. “You’re not dating?” Shige debates against punching him.)
Ryo answers the door without checking to see who’s waiting on the other side, so he’s surprised to find Shige staring at him, looking small and nervous. Not trusting his voice, Ryo steps back to let Shige in, then heads back to the kitchen to continue making dinner. Shige follows, and hovers awkwardly by the counter for awhile, until Ryo hands him a knife and a few tomatoes and grins. Shige gives him a Look, but Ryo only grins more, and, with an exasperated sigh, Shige sets to work. They hardly speak while preparing dinner, using silent gestures more than anything else, but somehow it fits, they way the work together, both aware of each moment their hips bump or their elbows touch.
They eat in silence, sitting side by side on Ryo’s couch, watching old episodes of Utaban, laughing at KAT-TUN beneath their breath. Ryo’s not sure what to say, how to bring it up. Shige should know everything now, he thinks. That he’s done his part and there was nothing else to be done; the next move was up to Shige.
Shige must have realized that, Ryo thinks, for a few moments later, Shige sets his plate on the coffee table and says, “Do you, uhm, really love me?”
“It was an accident,” Ryo insists. Shige punches him. “What!”
“You don’t tell someone it was an accident to fall in love with them!”
“But it was! Why else would I fall for you?” They glare at each other for a moment, then Ryo asks, “Do you love me?”
Shige stares at him, then grins, eyes bright. “It was an accident,” he replies and Ryo laughs before leaning in and kissing him.
{ Jinda, PG, 1354 words, AU | Goodbye, Thank you - Kis-my-ft2 }
It’s been years now, since Jin had left for L.A. and KAT-TUN had broken up. Ueda still sees a few of them, Nakamaru and Taguchi, mainly, on weekends. Calls them up at least once a week, vows not to lose touch. Kamenashi calls sometimes too, but he’s the most busy of them all, having gone solo after the break, and making it big on his own. Ueda saw Koki for the first time in a few months the week before; he’s been focusing mostly on drama work, and had seemed good. Ueda, well, Ueda was sort of floating. He’d formed a band, like he’d always wanted, a good group of guys around his age, and they’d just finished a nationwide tour a month ago. But Ueda can’t shake the feeling, that despite the fact that he was doing something he had always wanted, despite the fact that he was content with his life, that he was missing something. Or someone. Mainly someone.
It’s been years since he’s seen Jin. Ueda can’t remember if he was even in the country still. He remembers when KAT-TUN broke up, when Jin had tried to hide his guilt and regret with a face full of determination, that yes, he wanted to leave, wanted to do something different, was sick of the company, sick of them. Ueda remembers not believing him, remembers calling him everyday for the next week, to talk to him, to find out what had really caused this, remembers trying desperately to keep him there. Because there had always been something about Jin, his childishness, his excitement and smiles, however rare, his energy and spark, his stubborness, Ueda was drawn to those things. He hadn’t realized it then, not really, but now, after Jin had left, after not seeing him for years, Ueda regrets never having figured it out. Regrets letting the one person he may have loved to slip through his fingers.
And now Ueda just floats along, waiting, hoping, praying even, that maybe they’ll stumble across one another. Just to have one more chance would be enough, to tell Jin everything, lay it out in the open. Though, more than words of passion and intimacy, he wants to say goodbye properly. Not the way it had happened all those years ago, because Ueda had refused to see Jin off. No, this time, Ueda would do it right.
The chance arrives some few weeks later, disguised in the form of a JE Christmas party that Nakamaru drags him to, where Ueda finds the rest of KT-TUN and NewS and Kanjani8 and Arashi mingling about. Everyone seems cheerful, even Nishikido wishes him a happy holidays and Ueda has to resist punching him in the face, just because. Ueda’s having a good time, too, is on his third glass of white wine, maybe a little tipsy, when suddenly he sees him. A face he could never forget, lingering uncertainly by the doorway.
“Jin,” he mutters under his breath, but everyone around him hears, and the entire room falls silent, heads turning simultaneously towards the door.
Jin gives them a sheepish smile. “Hi,” he says, and it’s Yamapi and Ryo who get to him first, pulling him in while Kanjani8 and Arashi move away, and KT-TUN stare with shocked eyes at their long lost sixth member.
Taguchi breaks it first, standing and saying, “Welcome back,” like Jin had been gone for a week vacation than years, and his words set off a chain reaction, Koki, and Maru following suit. Kame’s words are a little stiff, because everything between them was still painful and broken, but he smiles when he says them, and Jin knows in that look that everything is all right. But he turns to Ueda then, eyes hopeful and hesitant all at once, and Ueda can only manage a short nod and another “Welcome back, Jin.”
He thinks he imagines the flash of disappointment in Jin’s eyes for the next second they’re gone, and Jin’s pushed down into the couch beside him and Ueda wants nothing to do than run away. He’s far too aware of Jin’s every moment beside him, aware of how he looks and sounds and breathes and feels and it’s not long before Ueda can’t stand it anymore, excusing himself to get more drinks and scuttering off to the kitchen. He pours himself another glass of something, not caring now, and sinks to the floor behind the kitchen counter, knows no one would be able to see him there. He sips slowly at his drink, wonders what to do, what to say, how to act, now that Jin was there, in the same country, same city, same house. It was too sudden, too unexpected, and Ueda wasn’t sure if he could do everything he had resolved himself to do the moment he saw Jin again.
He’s thinking about leaving then, through the back door so no one could see him, when someone knocks on the counter above his head and he looks up to find Jin smiling down at him. Shit, he thinks, as Jin slides down beside him, their shoulders touching.
“Hiding?” Jin teases.
“Maybe,” Ueda returns. “You?”
“Maybe,” he answers. “I’m not really in the mood to be the center of attention.”
Ueda can’t help but grin. “That’s a surprise, coming from you.”
Jin nudges him with an elbow. “I wasn’t that bad.”
“Oh, yes, you were.” Ueda laughs and Jin smiles, twists his hands together in his lap.
“How’ve you been?” Ueda says finally. “What’ve you been up to?”
Jin shrugs. “I’m good. Real good.” He pauses. “Not much, really. Just different work, other things, here and there.” He pauses again and says, “I. I went to see you perform. In Osaka a month ago, when you were touring.”
Ueda’s eyes go wide and he finally turns to actually look at Jin. “W-Why didn’t you say anything?”
Jin looks away. “You know, I-I’ve been keeping up with all of you. Been to Kamenashi’s concert once, I watch every drama Koki’s done, keep up with Maru’s MCing and Taguchi’s TV appearances.” He sighs, stares at his feet. “I guess I’ve missed you guys. Maybe. A lot. But, coming back was too hard. I’d fucked everything up. We couldn’t go back to being KAT-TUN again anyway.”
Ueda stares at him with disbelief and finds himself repeating, “Why didn’t you say anything? It-It didn’t have to be this way, you know.”
“Yeah, I know,” Jin says. “It would be too hard, though. Because while I missed them a lot, I missed you more.” He meets Ueda’s eyes again for a brief moment then looks away again. “And, well, I wasn’t sure what that meant.”
Ueda watches him for a moment, then, without being able to control it, bursts into laughter. Jin looks up sharply, surprised, and punches Ueda when he doesn’t stop. “I’m sorry,” Ueda gasps. “It’s just, you’re such an idiot, Akanishi.”
“What!” Jin exclaims, insulted and confused, but before he can say anything else, Ueda’s closing the space between them with a gentle press of their lips.
Ueda pulls back quickly, stares at Jin, gauging for any form of negative reaction, but then Jin is grinning widely at him, reaching a hand around Ueda’s neck and pulling him forward again. It’s a deeper, harder kiss this time, full of years of waiting and hope and longing. Jin breaks it a moment later, leans his forehead against Ueda’s and Ueda can count his eyelashes, stark black against his pale cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” Jin says. “For leaving, for keeping up with you but not actually keeping up. I, I should’ve said something. You’re right.”
“Of course I am,” Ueda replies. “You’re still an idiot. Glad to see that hasn’t changed.”
“Can we leave now?” Jin asks. “I only waited years for this and I’d rather not the first time be on the floor of Matsumoto’s kitchen.”
Ueda rolls his eyes, but pulls them to their feet. He brushes his lips against Jin’s again, pulls back and says, “Thank you.”
Jin furrows his brows. “What for?” he asks.
Ueda smiles. “For coming back.”
note; I hope you enjoyed at least one of them. :) Thanks for reading. ♥