(no subject)
its been so long since ive resorted to the pages of this journal but for so long it was more important for me to figure out being happy. id say im well on my way to being better. and comming home this weekend was probably a very smart idea. however.
home, my room, my house, is like this time capsule full of memories from a life that doesn't exist anymore. its so hard for me to look into it sometimes, knowing we can never go back to the simpler times. i wouldn't take back the two years ive just been through for anything. ive grown up, ive learned so much about myself, about other people, ive made the best friends a girl could ask for, traveld the world and the country and partied like a rock star. I love the life i have in the city... but i come home and i go through all these old pictures on my computer, i read old letters, old notes, find old mementos. I loved the life i had here in the small town. everytime i leave i promise myself to keep in touch more. but then i get so busy. i read through all my old journals and laugh at the childish words. how could i have been so emotional over something so... not right. it just doesn't make sense. yet i know there was a time i thought everything was so perfect. and there will always be a part of me, no matter how strong, no matter how confident, no matter how over things that will always feel like i just wasn't good enough.
sometimes its better to just shut off my brain and let life happen, intead of analyzing every second. so smile. just becuase.
home, my room, my house, is like this time capsule full of memories from a life that doesn't exist anymore. its so hard for me to look into it sometimes, knowing we can never go back to the simpler times. i wouldn't take back the two years ive just been through for anything. ive grown up, ive learned so much about myself, about other people, ive made the best friends a girl could ask for, traveld the world and the country and partied like a rock star. I love the life i have in the city... but i come home and i go through all these old pictures on my computer, i read old letters, old notes, find old mementos. I loved the life i had here in the small town. everytime i leave i promise myself to keep in touch more. but then i get so busy. i read through all my old journals and laugh at the childish words. how could i have been so emotional over something so... not right. it just doesn't make sense. yet i know there was a time i thought everything was so perfect. and there will always be a part of me, no matter how strong, no matter how confident, no matter how over things that will always feel like i just wasn't good enough.
sometimes its better to just shut off my brain and let life happen, intead of analyzing every second. so smile. just becuase.