(no subject)
Mum and dad sitting discussing how ross has fucked up his college, the topic moved onto euan doing sweet fuck all for years and branding us all too lazy to work.
Now can i just point out that one of the things mum said was 'I dont see where we've gone wrong, they've grown up seeing us always working' thats a lie, mum was on sickness benefits for at least 15 years.
I just look at it and go y'know theres a explanation for everything i do and why i do it, academicly im useless due to struggling in p3 and the teacher just being a bully and ignoring me during lessons and shoving me in the corner, on the rare occasion i plucked up the courage to ask her for help id just get shouted at and told to stand outside and get shouted at some more, Therefor basicly falling a year behind, i was learning my 2x table when the rest of the class were learning 5-10 times table.
Because of that and no one, and i mean no one, listening to my pleas for help with my work my riding lessons were taken away, my books were taken away, seeing my friends was even taken away, tv banned etc, forced to sit at the dining room table for hours with mum yelling and snapping and slapping me whenever i got a question wrong or didnt understand something on the first go.
If i had continued to ride, i would probably be working at ingliston or kelburn or even off at a compatition yard working as a groom, with a healthy mental state instead of sitting here panicing about everything because im too fucking stupid to do anything other than....i really dont know what i CAN do anymore.
I really seriously just want to kill myself, get it done and stop trying to even be normal and get my own place and shit.
I cant...i dont want to hurt dom...but i really cannot live like this anymore.
Apparently im not depressed though! ...nice to know...
Now can i just point out that one of the things mum said was 'I dont see where we've gone wrong, they've grown up seeing us always working' thats a lie, mum was on sickness benefits for at least 15 years.
I just look at it and go y'know theres a explanation for everything i do and why i do it, academicly im useless due to struggling in p3 and the teacher just being a bully and ignoring me during lessons and shoving me in the corner, on the rare occasion i plucked up the courage to ask her for help id just get shouted at and told to stand outside and get shouted at some more, Therefor basicly falling a year behind, i was learning my 2x table when the rest of the class were learning 5-10 times table.
Because of that and no one, and i mean no one, listening to my pleas for help with my work my riding lessons were taken away, my books were taken away, seeing my friends was even taken away, tv banned etc, forced to sit at the dining room table for hours with mum yelling and snapping and slapping me whenever i got a question wrong or didnt understand something on the first go.
If i had continued to ride, i would probably be working at ingliston or kelburn or even off at a compatition yard working as a groom, with a healthy mental state instead of sitting here panicing about everything because im too fucking stupid to do anything other than....i really dont know what i CAN do anymore.
I really seriously just want to kill myself, get it done and stop trying to even be normal and get my own place and shit.
I cant...i dont want to hurt dom...but i really cannot live like this anymore.
Apparently im not depressed though! ...nice to know...