(no subject)
To whom it may concern,
I can't even make excuses anymore. I am tired of trying to. It would be wonderful if each and everyone of you knew, and thought of me the same way. But it can't and it won't go on like that. I don't even rememeber when it started. It was probably a year and a half ago. And I thought it was over but it just keeps coming back. You know who you are. And thank you. I'm sorry. I know I really suck. I know sometimes I make things harder for you. You wouldn't say it but I know. And on Friday in the bathroom, that was the first time you had ever seen be scared. It was the first time I think you have ever seen me break down and panic. I know you hated seeing me like that. I'm sorry. I realized you care about me, and that I take you for granted sometimes. I always thought you had other things to worry about. Better people. People who were better then me to spend time with. I now know that you love me. You probably have all this time. But I have problems with love. I just needed you to say it. Its wrong but sometimes in the moment it feels so right. And I am tired of being judged for it. Because its not my life. It doesn't own me. But when people talk about it I get a craving and I panic. I can't breath and then I need it. Each one of you looks through me. My feelings are transparent. I'm sorry for not making them so obvious. And you tell me not to say sorry but there is nothing else for me to say. I want this all to be done. So here is a letter telling you everything I feel. Maybe you will understand it maybe you won't. Don't ask questions just accept. Let things happen and let the world fall off my shoulders. I've been caring about stupid assholes for too long. And now I don't.
With love and concern,
Gretchen Lin Edgecomb