(no subject)
The buzzing of the lawn mower tunes out the buzzing in my head. Relief. I’ve sat on this front step for hours now sorting through all the things needed to be said. Needed not wanted. Slowly the sun fades behind transparent clouds, letting the cool, brisk darkness fall over me. And just as the sun falls you rise. Smiling like always, because you know not what you’ve done. My lips are dry and I bite my tongue. The words are painfully eating my insides. Slowly they eat away. At this point I can’t tell if your moving or standing still.The is air seems to be spinning and everyone seems to be moving but me. Unreal. My brain freezes its own image. I’m trying so hard in this moment to remember who you are. My sources are open but the good times won’t play. Harsh nightmares are being shown. No reasons just images. I lick my lips. The whole picture comes back into frame. Everything is moving as one again. Everything is together. I am sitting still, but I know your coming closer because I am beginning to shake. The dry, empty oceans are welling up again. They seem to keep on refilling. I try to make them disappear yet again. I hate crying in front of you because it shows you I am weak. You have always been stronger. I feel ignorant in your presence. But you know little of what I’m feeling these days. I take my hands and whip the mist from the oceans off my cheeks. Game face. I rest my hands by my side and lift my face. Your sitting now, right by my side. Your bodies here but your mind is wandering. My head turns without warning and the oceans over fill this time. Letting water spill on my lap and slowly into your hands. And there was no need for words. The water from the oceans showed you how I felt. This is when you crumbled. Your mask fell to the floor in tiny broken pieces and you cried. For the first time in all the times you wanted to, you cried. I can’t seem to hear anymore. The buzz has made my ears go numb. You are hurting. I can sense the hurt on you. So I am focusing on any hurt I have ever felt before. Every scrapped knee, every bruise, every tiny little cut, to forget all the things I am being forced to feel right now. Your head is laid tamely in my lap. And softly I am remember how to love you. I can’t hate you. I need you around to keep me tethered. You are the kite string and I am the kite. You keep me grounded. The grass is wet and freshly cut. It looks lonely and I feel the need to lay and roll around with it. To let it know that I am here and have it here for me. But I stay in this moment holding you. And in this moment everything that was wrong I know is now okay.
Tell me what you think of it...its not very good...but give me some feed back.<3
Tell me what you think of it...its not very good...but give me some feed back.<3