Another sleepless night
Two o'clock. I'm sitting here on Lee and Karl's bed feeling really weird about being on their bed. I can't sleep in here, I don't think. Brooke's gone on to bed awhile ago, after I promised to try and get some sleep
( Read more... )
Guess I'll go see what you're up to, I think I smell food. I'm actually hungry. I'll pop back on here and tell everyone what is up, promised Karl I would.
Okay I'm back. See that wasn't long. LOL. Let's see I walked into the kitchen and there you were, making us grill cheese sandwiches and soup for lunch. How'd you know I loved grilled cheese? Didn't mean to startle you when I came up behind you and hugged you.
"Hey," I said, wrapping my arms around you. You jumped a bit but hugged me back. "Hey yourself," you said. "You okay?"
I rested my head on your shoulder and closed my eyes, sighing. "I guess so. Thanks for letting me sleep with you. Not that I asked. I just did it."
You laughed then and I let you go and sat at the table where you pointed. "I didn't mind. At least you didn't kick."
"Or take off my pajamas. I can't believe Karl told you that."
You frowned at me then, looking really sad. It was hard for me to look at you then, I felt so guilty. "He told me a lot of things, but he didn't tell me you and Ben were having such problems."
I poked at the placemat. "I didn't know either." I sighed, then took the glass of milk you gave me. I smiled at that. Milk is good food. "Thanks." I bit my lip then looked at you. You raised your eyebrow--guess you know me well enough to know when I'm gearing up to say something. "I looked up that Mitch Allen guy on his LJ and on the internet."
"And…" She put a plate in front of me. Perfect sandwich.
"He's really hot, Brooke," I said, my voice kinda small.
You sat next to me, put your hand on my shoulder. "I don't know what's going on, Linds, but I don't think that is. I talked to Aaron while you were asleep."
I looked up at you at that. "You did?" I held my breath, my heart beating wildly. "Has he heard--"
But you were already shaking your head. "Nothing. He knows Mitch too and frankly I asked him if anything was going on between them and he said no, absolutely not. He told me how much Ben loves you, Lindsay. That you are all he can think about when he's in LA, and that it frankly has been driving the other guys nuts." You smiled then, making me smile. I wiped my face, surprised to find it wet. You kissed me then and said, "Eat." So I did.
I guess we'll be seeing that detective this afternoon. She didn't sound too hopeful, didn’t think I should go to Florida either. I wouldn't know where to go anyway. I hate this, sitting and waiting. It makes me angry, it makes me scared. Half the time I just want to say fuck it, I'm tired of going through this shit with Ben.
But Brooke, I love him--when we're together I feel so loved, so cherished, he makes me believe in me. He gives me strength and he makes me laugh and he loves to do crazy things like when we drove home naked. Yeah, we did, from getting the dog, he said, "Know what I've always wanted to do? Drive naked." It's not like we were in a convertible or anything. But we did, shucked our clothes off and for a couple of hours drove like that. Surprised we didn't wreck, he couldn't stop touching me and reaching over to, well, it was funny. Windows down and it was cool but not cold and the music loud and the dog asleep through it all. And then we stopped at a rest stop and no one was there, he grabbed blankets and we took the puppy in her crate and ran into the woods and threw the blanket down and put the puppy down and, well, I can't think about that now, how beautiful it was, what he did to me. Later I will, I want to replay it all in my mind how beautiful it was the last time he took me. I need to write it down. I don't want to forget, not a minute of it, not a second, nothing.
I guess I'd better go take a shower and start getting ready to go see the detective.
Linds
Reply
You looked so sad at lunch. I wish I could do something to fix this - to solve this disconnect between you and Ben. Aaron's convinced that there's nothing going on between Ben and Mitch. Maybe he's right. But Aaron didn't know if there was a history there between them or not. I guess we're going to have to look into it. There are so many questions to be answered. How does Ben know Mitch? Who contacted Mitch about where Ben was? Why did they contact Mitch and not you? And what kind of trouble could Ben be in? I've written a lot of these questions down and will give them to the detective when we go.
Speaking of...I guess I'd better change and get ready as well. I need to remember to charge my cell phone on the way over because we need to call our sailor boys on the way home. *G*
Reply
Leave a comment