Nervous
Brooke said I should use my journal more to vent my feelings, even if hardly anyone comes by. That's fine, I'm not a superstar like Darren and Daniel kissdivine or musician-gods like Lee, Karl and Ben, and don't expect any attention. I'm just me.
Yesterday I had two panic attacks. Really brief, but they kind of freaked me out. Ben says he thinks I should see someone about them, that I'm a rape victim and its understandable.
A rape victim. Heh. Funny how I never really thought about it like that but Ben's right. I AM a victim, dammit. *fumes*
The first one happened when, well, we were about to have sex. I freaked for a minute--it was like I forgot for a second it was Ben, not him who was with me. I can't explain it. Ben got me through it (thank you, Squidgy) but it scares me--it happened again last night, in the kitchen, just after Lee said something that I would've laughed off before.
Cops called--I've got to go to the police station later today (I'm up early, couldn't sleep, and am going running with Karl) and I'm not looking forward to that.
That's all. Got to find my shoes--think Hey Dog ran off with one of them.
Linds
Yesterday I had two panic attacks. Really brief, but they kind of freaked me out. Ben says he thinks I should see someone about them, that I'm a rape victim and its understandable.
A rape victim. Heh. Funny how I never really thought about it like that but Ben's right. I AM a victim, dammit. *fumes*
The first one happened when, well, we were about to have sex. I freaked for a minute--it was like I forgot for a second it was Ben, not him who was with me. I can't explain it. Ben got me through it (thank you, Squidgy) but it scares me--it happened again last night, in the kitchen, just after Lee said something that I would've laughed off before.
Cops called--I've got to go to the police station later today (I'm up early, couldn't sleep, and am going running with Karl) and I'm not looking forward to that.
That's all. Got to find my shoes--think Hey Dog ran off with one of them.
Linds