Not going anywhere...
I hate it when I get myself really excited over things that never end up happening. My whole life I have had this desire to travel and the farthest I've ever made it is Mexico a few times for less than a day each time. Today I went to a presentation run by a guy from New Zealand and a guy from South Africa *swoons* damn they were both amazingly attractive...the accents didn't hurt either. Anyway, they're part of an organization that organizes trips for students to go to other countries (including Australia and New Zealand *sighs*) to do community service there etc. for at least a two week period. I was really starting to hope it might be possible, but then reality came crashing down when I thought about all the money I would need to go...it's not that I feel as though I couldn't raise the money but rather it's that I need to be raising that money to pay for college or rather pay back my loans to financial aid (now that they are finally coming through). What started this revelation? Well, to even apply you have to pay a ten dollar fee...and that is just to apply and they only pick 50 students from each university they visit. Then after that they ask for a 400 dollar deposit...so that's when it dawned on me that I don't have the money for these deposits and travel insurance and for all the travel accomodations. Some part of me still clung to a slight whispy thread of hope so I called mom and asked her what she thought about the whole thing because I knew I needed someone to tell me this wasn't going to work out. At first she felt the same way I did that I might as well apply and probably not get into the program anyway, but then we agreed that it was just a waste of time if I couldn't do it. Sometimes I feel like people who have the most, are the least grateful for it sometimes...like those people who actually sit in front of you and talk about how they can't believe their parents are dragging them to France again *rolls eyes* Oh poor babies. I can't help but feeling like if I ever do get to travel it'll be a long time from now and that thought makes me sad. I want to get there while I'm young so I can see things now and I think get the most out of it. I'm just anxious to get there I guess, it's not that I really think I'd enjoy it any less if I didn't go until I'm older...but it would be so amazing to be able to go now! I don't even know what I'm doing in college...sure I love writing but I will always say that I refuse to depend on that to make me money. For all I know I'll put things out and no one will really ever read them...or I'll have the extreme fortune of not becoming famous until long after I'm dead and in the ground...that sounds about right with all the luck I have. *Sigh* I miss home too...mostly because I haven't been able to go back and remember why I was ok to leave in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I love and like my family probably a lot more than a lot of people do theirs but every teenager has to leave...it's pretty much essential in order to grow up. However, growing up seems to fairly suck for the most part...and I miss my friends, especially Alfredo. There's not a ton of stuff to do around here so it seems like the majority of people here really like to drink. I'm not necessarily against drinking and I'll do it occasionally in moderation but I don't see a point to drinking your way through an entire weekend. Also, it seems pretty dumb because if everyone who goes somewhere ends up too drunk to drive then we're left with the issue of how to get back to our dorms. I am lucky enough to have Alyssa to hang out with who isn't too into partying or any of that. She's managed to charm at least three guys already while I've only thought this one guy who I don't like might have possibly liked me and we don't really even talk anymore. Yup, it's just about as awesome as it sounds. Since I've come to college I've started to feel like just about one of the ugliest unfriendliest bitchiest people alive...people are ultra friendly here for the most part, I mean I've never seen so many people hold doors for other people just because and such. Well, now that I've vented a bit I'm going to go fix myself some dinner because I'm starving...I'll write again when I can.