i might just become emo...
i don't know whether or not to feel shitty today...
i had to babysit this morning at 8:30 pretty much until 3:00 when i was to drop the kids off at their grandmother's house until their mum got out so i could go to work. well my alarm never went off but fortunately i have an annoyingly noisy family and i woke up ten min before i was supposed to be there...i think that was the fastest i had ever gotten out of bed...unfortunately, no showering was involved... so i babysat all day, and ended up spending two hrs standing around waiting for Ben's soccer "tryouts"/just show up so we know whether or not we are going to hate u're parents for signing you up since we can't cut you. I turned into a popsicle and ended up dropping the kids off at 3:30 to book it too work...no shower =(
when i got to work Josh was all mopey because his friends all went out and kinda had a "party"/day out together and i was supposed to cover for him but couldn't because Robin (kid's mum) needed me to babysit. there was also just a general overall mood that was really weird most of the night. basically work sucked, and at the same time i was kind of glad i was there...
to top it off my mum's birthday was today. i saw her for fifteen minutes tonight when i got home from work around ten, and then she went to bed. apparently the family got together and had a mini party. her dinner is tomorrow, which i AM going to after i have to take Josh's senior pictures...i wish he'd at least get a hair cut...=P
it's been such a BEAUTIFUL week weather wise. PERFECT crisp, clean air, and roughly seventy degrees, with a very fall-like breeze. my absolute FAVORITE kind of weather, and the dominant reason i love this season so much. just being able to be outside and have it be so nice really lifted my mood a bit.
so far school is going well, i like my classes for the most part, and seem to have plenty of time in the mornings or during class to get all the work i need to have done done. marine bio is taking a field trip tuesday to test water samples for a bunch of stuff and i think we are attempting to do a mini plankton tow off the docks...but it's still going to be entertaining at least trying out some of this stuff :D.
i've been really busy lately but with babysitting i'm really making enough money to pay my necessary bills, and put good amounts towards my credit cards which is a HUGE relief for me. i actually kind of noticed today just how much it was really bothering me, because i finally paid off my bills for the month and i realized that in the next two weeks i'm going to have enough money to pay for gas and my next month's car insurance bill, leaving me plenty to make a decent payment on my next month's credit bill. It's like i can finally relax knowing i'm FINALLY getting to a place where i can almost get ahead on my payments :D. i think i might actually sleep well tonight.
so i'd say that for the majority, my life is really kind of going in a good direction right now...so, why is it that i just can't help but still feel kind of downtrodden? i'm almost afraid that i've become so accustomed to living my life feeling pressured and unhappy that when i have no real issue bothering me, being happy or relieved even is so foreign that it makes me uncomfortable...or maybe that it's just like when you run into something and you can feel it throbbing maybe even hours after it happened; maybe i've been depressed for so long that even after i have no reason to feel that way i still do because it's made such an impression on me i need a chance to recover...i think that in itself is both pathetic and depressing -_-
eh, so maybe i do feel kind of shitty...
i had to babysit this morning at 8:30 pretty much until 3:00 when i was to drop the kids off at their grandmother's house until their mum got out so i could go to work. well my alarm never went off but fortunately i have an annoyingly noisy family and i woke up ten min before i was supposed to be there...i think that was the fastest i had ever gotten out of bed...unfortunately, no showering was involved... so i babysat all day, and ended up spending two hrs standing around waiting for Ben's soccer "tryouts"/just show up so we know whether or not we are going to hate u're parents for signing you up since we can't cut you. I turned into a popsicle and ended up dropping the kids off at 3:30 to book it too work...no shower =(
when i got to work Josh was all mopey because his friends all went out and kinda had a "party"/day out together and i was supposed to cover for him but couldn't because Robin (kid's mum) needed me to babysit. there was also just a general overall mood that was really weird most of the night. basically work sucked, and at the same time i was kind of glad i was there...
to top it off my mum's birthday was today. i saw her for fifteen minutes tonight when i got home from work around ten, and then she went to bed. apparently the family got together and had a mini party. her dinner is tomorrow, which i AM going to after i have to take Josh's senior pictures...i wish he'd at least get a hair cut...=P
it's been such a BEAUTIFUL week weather wise. PERFECT crisp, clean air, and roughly seventy degrees, with a very fall-like breeze. my absolute FAVORITE kind of weather, and the dominant reason i love this season so much. just being able to be outside and have it be so nice really lifted my mood a bit.
so far school is going well, i like my classes for the most part, and seem to have plenty of time in the mornings or during class to get all the work i need to have done done. marine bio is taking a field trip tuesday to test water samples for a bunch of stuff and i think we are attempting to do a mini plankton tow off the docks...but it's still going to be entertaining at least trying out some of this stuff :D.
i've been really busy lately but with babysitting i'm really making enough money to pay my necessary bills, and put good amounts towards my credit cards which is a HUGE relief for me. i actually kind of noticed today just how much it was really bothering me, because i finally paid off my bills for the month and i realized that in the next two weeks i'm going to have enough money to pay for gas and my next month's car insurance bill, leaving me plenty to make a decent payment on my next month's credit bill. It's like i can finally relax knowing i'm FINALLY getting to a place where i can almost get ahead on my payments :D. i think i might actually sleep well tonight.
so i'd say that for the majority, my life is really kind of going in a good direction right now...so, why is it that i just can't help but still feel kind of downtrodden? i'm almost afraid that i've become so accustomed to living my life feeling pressured and unhappy that when i have no real issue bothering me, being happy or relieved even is so foreign that it makes me uncomfortable...or maybe that it's just like when you run into something and you can feel it throbbing maybe even hours after it happened; maybe i've been depressed for so long that even after i have no reason to feel that way i still do because it's made such an impression on me i need a chance to recover...i think that in itself is both pathetic and depressing -_-
eh, so maybe i do feel kind of shitty...