(no subject)
i miss my felicia =( she came back from vegas a week ago and i still haven't seen her! =( which granted i kno is largely my fault and i feel terrible because so much stuff is going on right now that at the few points i DO have free time, all i want to do is lay down adn sleep until i have to get up again and do something else. i mean, it's rediculous, but totally my fault i suppose...
I think i'm sick -_- Rose and i decided that i must have EEE and whichever of us dies first should tell the other people to test us as such -_- i don' t like being sick..especially when i'm working fucking twenty hrs in two days...and babysitting three demon spawns under the age of four three days in a row, only to get on day of rest, and then back to work again. but i lie. this week i'm not working saturday or friday, so i get tw odays i suppose. saturday we are going out on the boat, my first time since like....the beginning of July or something retarded like that. yeah, i've worked a good five twelve hrs shifts now, and not once have i been able to go out with chris on the boat. either his parents are fighting and decide not to go, or he's working.
that's another thing that fucking blows. after work, school, and babysitting, i have maybe one, two nights at most a week when i'm not foing anything. felicia has a completely different schedual than mine, and non of the same calsses as such, and chris works a lot, and i'm not allowed to see him after school anyway. so that leaves me with maybe two nights a week at best that i am able to see either felicia or my boyfriend. this really blows, and that's with gretta cutting down my baysitting hrs because apparently they aren't rich enough, and gretta needs to fork out money for a three yr old ot go to "pre-school" twice a week for four hrs. good for me i suppose because when i'm baysitting them later and cleaning thier house (because she can't do it herself and i am fucking done stepping on food that's been on that floor for a frigging week, or worse yet, finding a dirty diper the twins had dragged off without her knowing because again, she's incapable) i won't have to deal with fraser running laps around the house screaming his lungs out, or throwing things at his younger sibblings. oh and by the way...wat kind of parent allows their three year old to run around with eight binkis and stealing the seventeen month olf baby's? but i can't blame gretta, it would be nice if graham showed up once in a while and did something other than criticize her when he was there -_-
why do everyones's parents fight all the time??? god i can't get a refuge!!! i don't know if divorce should be mandatory or what because this si driving me nuts!!! i've spent fourteen years of my younger life listening to the most god awful fights and screaming and profanitites, and now it's all i hear when i'm at my friends houses!! (on the rare occasion i get there). even at my own house with the supposed "happily remarried couple". i suppose i'm being unreasonable asking for some place where i can just get away from everything and be able to forget about enough shit to be somewhat happy for some time. do i sound like i belong in a loony bin??
as chris tellls me so often these days because he's had enough of my bitching about my life all the time and apparently is unconcerned with the fact that we may never get to see each other for the next year as he's been fed so much bull shit about how life always get's better, and if its a good thing it will work out so that it can be continued or such that he is positive that nothing needs to be done, and it will happen. nothing happens for free. it never has. if you want something there's no way in hell you can rely on it coming to you. your living in a fairytail if you think so. anything you want has to be obtained, worked for, im talking blood sweat and tears, and even still you can't guarentee it lasts. look at todays' world. what good has lasted though the years? you'd be hard pressed to find a handful of anything. granted things change, and along with them, so does what's best for everyone, not that that option is ever selected, but u won't find a lasting good thing. how can the world be so blind, and willing to believe in nothing??? what is it that drives people to see only good, and pretend that everything is okay, that it's going to be, and if something happens, isomething better will be delivered to them on a silver platter! there is no such thing as good things come to those who wait. superstitions are all bull. forget what your great great great great grand-watever told you, this is today, and you have to make shit happen for you.
so now that i sound like the biggest hippocrite i'm going to rant alittle bit more. now if any of you actually read this, because it seems everyone has deserted this place, and be it my fault or not, i have no friends left, i appologize if i offended you, but right now i don't care, and personally, i think there is a lot more to be said, but unfortunatly i've only touched upon it in the interest of time, simple emotions, and misguided beliefs. in addition i'm going to be late for work if i don't suck it up, shut up, and put on a pretty smile right now that the world wants to see. well i suppose it does happen. people will in fact do what is needed to make it easier for the world to believe thier happy endings in an effort it avoid any further arguing. it's caving in i suppose, i could say that, i've caved. i've broken down to the point where you could tell me the god damned sky is going to rain fucking molten lava and i'll throw on the appropriate smile, or shocked expression, nod repeat a recorded response, and make your day better because someone may have listended to you and cared. then i'll just turn aroudn and whipe someone else's ass. you see? i really am a hippocrite. i suppose i have no dignity left to be concerned with, or even origional emotions left to be concidered.
I think i'm sick -_- Rose and i decided that i must have EEE and whichever of us dies first should tell the other people to test us as such -_- i don' t like being sick..especially when i'm working fucking twenty hrs in two days...and babysitting three demon spawns under the age of four three days in a row, only to get on day of rest, and then back to work again. but i lie. this week i'm not working saturday or friday, so i get tw odays i suppose. saturday we are going out on the boat, my first time since like....the beginning of July or something retarded like that. yeah, i've worked a good five twelve hrs shifts now, and not once have i been able to go out with chris on the boat. either his parents are fighting and decide not to go, or he's working.
that's another thing that fucking blows. after work, school, and babysitting, i have maybe one, two nights at most a week when i'm not foing anything. felicia has a completely different schedual than mine, and non of the same calsses as such, and chris works a lot, and i'm not allowed to see him after school anyway. so that leaves me with maybe two nights a week at best that i am able to see either felicia or my boyfriend. this really blows, and that's with gretta cutting down my baysitting hrs because apparently they aren't rich enough, and gretta needs to fork out money for a three yr old ot go to "pre-school" twice a week for four hrs. good for me i suppose because when i'm baysitting them later and cleaning thier house (because she can't do it herself and i am fucking done stepping on food that's been on that floor for a frigging week, or worse yet, finding a dirty diper the twins had dragged off without her knowing because again, she's incapable) i won't have to deal with fraser running laps around the house screaming his lungs out, or throwing things at his younger sibblings. oh and by the way...wat kind of parent allows their three year old to run around with eight binkis and stealing the seventeen month olf baby's? but i can't blame gretta, it would be nice if graham showed up once in a while and did something other than criticize her when he was there -_-
why do everyones's parents fight all the time??? god i can't get a refuge!!! i don't know if divorce should be mandatory or what because this si driving me nuts!!! i've spent fourteen years of my younger life listening to the most god awful fights and screaming and profanitites, and now it's all i hear when i'm at my friends houses!! (on the rare occasion i get there). even at my own house with the supposed "happily remarried couple". i suppose i'm being unreasonable asking for some place where i can just get away from everything and be able to forget about enough shit to be somewhat happy for some time. do i sound like i belong in a loony bin??
as chris tellls me so often these days because he's had enough of my bitching about my life all the time and apparently is unconcerned with the fact that we may never get to see each other for the next year as he's been fed so much bull shit about how life always get's better, and if its a good thing it will work out so that it can be continued or such that he is positive that nothing needs to be done, and it will happen. nothing happens for free. it never has. if you want something there's no way in hell you can rely on it coming to you. your living in a fairytail if you think so. anything you want has to be obtained, worked for, im talking blood sweat and tears, and even still you can't guarentee it lasts. look at todays' world. what good has lasted though the years? you'd be hard pressed to find a handful of anything. granted things change, and along with them, so does what's best for everyone, not that that option is ever selected, but u won't find a lasting good thing. how can the world be so blind, and willing to believe in nothing??? what is it that drives people to see only good, and pretend that everything is okay, that it's going to be, and if something happens, isomething better will be delivered to them on a silver platter! there is no such thing as good things come to those who wait. superstitions are all bull. forget what your great great great great grand-watever told you, this is today, and you have to make shit happen for you.
so now that i sound like the biggest hippocrite i'm going to rant alittle bit more. now if any of you actually read this, because it seems everyone has deserted this place, and be it my fault or not, i have no friends left, i appologize if i offended you, but right now i don't care, and personally, i think there is a lot more to be said, but unfortunatly i've only touched upon it in the interest of time, simple emotions, and misguided beliefs. in addition i'm going to be late for work if i don't suck it up, shut up, and put on a pretty smile right now that the world wants to see. well i suppose it does happen. people will in fact do what is needed to make it easier for the world to believe thier happy endings in an effort it avoid any further arguing. it's caving in i suppose, i could say that, i've caved. i've broken down to the point where you could tell me the god damned sky is going to rain fucking molten lava and i'll throw on the appropriate smile, or shocked expression, nod repeat a recorded response, and make your day better because someone may have listended to you and cared. then i'll just turn aroudn and whipe someone else's ass. you see? i really am a hippocrite. i suppose i have no dignity left to be concerned with, or even origional emotions left to be concidered.