(no subject)
so this summer has been anything but exciting. i work too much. i shouldve listened to my dad and only worked three days instead of five but i wanted the money. grrrr now im miserable. and its not even that much money because now thye decided mid summer to start taking taxes out so a paycheck that SHOULD have been 600 is now like 507 every two weeks. i had the worst day today this morning...at first it was good i got ready i was about to go and i look at my gas tank and its basically on E. now i share a car with my sistser but i hardly use it i only use it to go to work everyday and back. besides that i use it every so often. but my sister decides to take it last night knowing i had work this morning. she left the tank basically empty...like she couldnt atleast put sometihng in because she knows what a hassle it is for me to stop at a gas station on the way to post which is about a 20-30 min drive everyday. so i'm in a bad mood about that. so im rushign to work now so i can have time to stop and all that stuff. so i decide to smoke a cigg because im stressed blah blah blah i of course drop my lighter underneath the seat so at a red light i go to get it but i cant reach it and its stuck. so i ahd to adjust my seat. well good old jettamus ( my jetta) decides that thats the perfect time for the seat adjusting to go allllll the way back when i just hit it lightly so i lost footing of my gas/brake and what do u know my car goes right into the car in front of me. thank god they were driving an old jeep that could take a bulldozer hit. so im all panicking because im supposed to be REALLY careful after my bad accident in october...i got the same feeling i did that day which was horrific. so i get out and so does the lady and i just keep apololgizing. she has absolutely no damage and she didnt care so shes like "its fine" and gets in her car. i didnt even look at my car. so of course the light turns green and im driving and now im crying because i hate myself. i call tom and im just crying and i wont tell him whats wrong. he keeps calling i keep yelling at him telling him i dont wanna talk about it. so i get to work finally. i look at my car (because i still never looked at it since i rear ended that women) and the license plate cover is jsut cracked a bit. thank god. but still it was a horrible morning. and i hate my job. so i just need to go relax. because im gonna lose it. i only havta stay in this hell hole for an hour and a half and then i am OUTTTT. but then its the same routine over and over again. hangout with tom....go home around 1-130 am. go to sleep. wake up at 930 get ready eat breakfast drive to work...its a fucking numbing cycle lettme tell you.
a few things have been really getting to me lately. like i hungout with cathy the other day and all she seemed to do was criticize tom. "did you tell your parents about how tom was so bad when he was younger and where he was" "no...why would i?" and shes like "well i tihnkthey have the right to know about that" WHY? why should i tell my parents something that would ruin their image of tom? that happened when he was fucking 15 years old. hes 19 now. hes different. hes good. i made him good. my parents love him. i fucking love him. and all she does is just nag about him the whole night. i'm SORRY my boyfriend doesnt have a fucking perfect record and he's made some mistakes. but do not in any way make me feel like hes not good enough for me because of his past! fucking aaaaa....and then the whole night it was just comment after rude comment about him...just questiioning him. and everytihng he is and everything we are. even tohugh this was saturday night its still bugging me now. i dont talk to nearly HALF of the people i talked to in highschool. fuck them. i try to be nice and say heyy i mioss you blah blah blah and all i get is either no response or a nasty fucking comment back. so you know what SUCK A DICK. i really dont care about my friendships anymore...my friends wonder why im with tom all the time. maybe because we have so much fun together? alot more then i do with most of my friends. but the feww that stay true...i fucking love them. i'd take a bullet for them. the few that realize you dont need to hangout everyday to be best friends...there are FEW. they know who they are. ugh. my life is anything but easy right now. my friends nag at me blah blah blah you dont hangout with me anymore your too busy for me. FUCK YES i am. i have work 11-5 i get home by six i eat dinner quickly take a shower n then go visit my mom at the rehab place whgere she has been for over a month until like 9 and i dont get home til 930. i dont know when shes comnign home...its weird not having her home...quiet...but weird. i dont know some people jsut dont get the fact that my life is kindof complicated right now. and they nag. and it pisses me off. i just wish i didnt work...and that my mom was fine...and that i had time to do what i want. but you know what...its not like that. i need to face reality...instead of dwelling on how i wish my life COULD be. or used to be...<3
a few things have been really getting to me lately. like i hungout with cathy the other day and all she seemed to do was criticize tom. "did you tell your parents about how tom was so bad when he was younger and where he was" "no...why would i?" and shes like "well i tihnkthey have the right to know about that" WHY? why should i tell my parents something that would ruin their image of tom? that happened when he was fucking 15 years old. hes 19 now. hes different. hes good. i made him good. my parents love him. i fucking love him. and all she does is just nag about him the whole night. i'm SORRY my boyfriend doesnt have a fucking perfect record and he's made some mistakes. but do not in any way make me feel like hes not good enough for me because of his past! fucking aaaaa....and then the whole night it was just comment after rude comment about him...just questiioning him. and everytihng he is and everything we are. even tohugh this was saturday night its still bugging me now. i dont talk to nearly HALF of the people i talked to in highschool. fuck them. i try to be nice and say heyy i mioss you blah blah blah and all i get is either no response or a nasty fucking comment back. so you know what SUCK A DICK. i really dont care about my friendships anymore...my friends wonder why im with tom all the time. maybe because we have so much fun together? alot more then i do with most of my friends. but the feww that stay true...i fucking love them. i'd take a bullet for them. the few that realize you dont need to hangout everyday to be best friends...there are FEW. they know who they are. ugh. my life is anything but easy right now. my friends nag at me blah blah blah you dont hangout with me anymore your too busy for me. FUCK YES i am. i have work 11-5 i get home by six i eat dinner quickly take a shower n then go visit my mom at the rehab place whgere she has been for over a month until like 9 and i dont get home til 930. i dont know when shes comnign home...its weird not having her home...quiet...but weird. i dont know some people jsut dont get the fact that my life is kindof complicated right now. and they nag. and it pisses me off. i just wish i didnt work...and that my mom was fine...and that i had time to do what i want. but you know what...its not like that. i need to face reality...instead of dwelling on how i wish my life COULD be. or used to be...<3