eat your heart out aesop
hello boys and girls. i'm here today to tell you a fable about a boy named brandong (some folks call him brad) and his brave valient fight against the evil bank known as WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn)
one day long ago....brandong decided to open a checking account because the people at WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnnn) said it would be a good idea since he was close to going below the minimum balance in his savings account. brandong, being the trusting soul that he is, decided that "hey, this does sound like a good idea" and promptly opened a checking account at WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn)
brandong's checking account was wonderful, it had no minimum balance, and even came with a credit card tied to it for overdraft protection. of course, brandong had no need for a credit card, he just wanted the overdraft protection. so when the credit card came in the mail he simply cut it up and thought nothing of it. what brandong loved most about his new checking account was his debit card. "why" brandong thought "with this, it's like i always have exact change in my wallet" brandong was excited that he now would not have to drain his bank account in increments of $21.75 just so he could buy a pack of smokes.
however, while brandong was happily enjoying his new life, the people at WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) were plotting new ways to destroy him. the credit card that the checking account setup guy told brandong "would only be used as overdraft protection, you don't even have to use the card at all if you don't want to" came with hidden monthly fees that brandong was unaware of. and the bankers at WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) were very tricksy, every month they automatically took 25 dollars out of his checking account to pay for these fees.
now, the end of the school year was fast approaching and brandong had his final paycheck in his hand, it was for a whopping $284.67. however, since brandong was going home to his hawaiian island he decided "nah, i don't think i'll deposit this here, i'll just wait until i get home to put it in my other bank account". what brandong didn't know was that he only had about $30 left in his checking account and another month of hidden fees were about to come by.
brandong loved it at home, he got to see all his friends, and especially he got to see his sister. one day while going out shopping with his sister they went into a shoe store, payless shoe store. his sister found a pretty nice pair of running shoes and went up to the cashier to pay. unfortunatley for her, she only had a $100 bill. the cashier said this was too much money and she couldn't break it.brandong, being the super awesome brother that he is said, "hey don't worry about it, i'll take care of it", and quickly whipped out his debit card and laid it on the table. unaware that he was over drawing his account because the bank had charged him another $25 in monthly fees, brandong paid for the $25 shoes thinking he still had $5 in his account. in reality he had -$20. and so began the summer of woe
this was in july, and since brandong had overdrawn his account he was charged $18 leaving him at -$38. but the evil bankers at WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) weren't finished analy penetrating his checking account agains it's will (or ass raping it if you will) oh no. in august they charged him another $25 dollars for monthly fees which moved him up to -$63 and then charged him agian for overdrawing the account that they overdrew in the first place. which put brandong at -$81. near the end of august the WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuunnnnn) bankers saw it fit to call brandong and let him know about the discrepency in his account. a very nice man called the house that brandong lived in and told him all of the things that WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) had been doing to his bank account. this came as a shock to brandong but he wanted to know what he could do. the man said "well, you could just go to a WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnn) nearby and pay it off" brandong calmly explained that this was not an option as the nerest WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) was probably in california. so then the man said "well, why don't you just get someone who lives in oregon to pay the debt for you and you can pay them back when you get there" to which brandong replied "well now, that doesn't really help my situation, i'll still be in debt, just to someone nicer than you guys" by now the WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnn) representative was getting a bit frusturated so he asked brandong when he'd be back in oregon. brandong said on september 15th he'd be there. so the man said "cool, we'll put a stop on your account and you can pay it when you get there". brandong asked how much he owed and the man said "well with all the charges, overdraft fees and late fees that we've charged you, you're total comes to $120" natuarally brandong was angry, but, what could he do. so he bit the bullet, thanked the man and hung up.
september rolled around and brandong went back to oregon. he was excited because he had a cool new apartment to live in with his best buddy bryan. always responsible, the first thing brandong did when he was in oregon was to go to the bank and pay off his fine. he walked in to the bank and said "i believe i have a fine on my checking account" the lady took his money and that was the end of it......or so brandong thought.
in the middle of october brandong got a letter from a collection agency telling him to call them immedieatly because he hadn't paid off the fines he owed. this confused brandong but also angred him. he decided then and there that WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) was not the bank for him and that he would go that afternoon and cash the check his father sent him and also close both of his accounts.
brandong and bryan went downtown to the bank and brandong went inside. he was excited because with the amount of money his dad sent him plus the amount of money left in his savings account ($120 when he checked it two days before) he would have enough to pay back bryan for rent and everything else. brandong cashed his check and then said he'd like to close his savings and checking accounts. the banker was sad to lose brandong's buisness but went about closing the account. however, instead of the $120 brandong thought he had in his savings account brandong found that the bank had taken $50 out for no real reason....leaving him with only $70 in his account. this bothered brandong but he thought, "that's ok, i'll still have $240 left over to give to bryan for rent and such". but the evil WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnn) bankers weren't through yet. brandong's savings account had been closed successfully, but there was still the matter of his checking account to take care of. brandong wasn't too worried though, after all, he had responsibly paid his fines off in full. unbeknowenst to him though, the evil WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) bank had charged him another $80 that he had to pay off before closing the account or face a heavy peanalty on his credit line. so brandong bit the bullet and paid the $80 leaving him a paltry sum of $160, less than half of what he owed bryan. brandong, being the spineless jellyfish that he is, hung his head, paid his fees and scampered away with his tail between his legs.
tired, dejected, completly beaten down, but glad enough to just be able to give bryan money, brandong left the bank with less than he expected but glad that he was done with the whole ordeal. later that day brandong found out from one of his classmates that he was actually eligible for food stamps. so he decided on monday to go and apply for food stamps. brandong hoped all his friends would wish him luck and hope that he could get food stamps so that he wouldn't have to fool himself into thinking that watered down ketchup was in reality tomato soup
since this is a fable there is a moral, and that moral is: NEVER OPEN A FUCKING CHECKING ACCOUNT AT WELLS FARGO BANK.....THEY WILL SCREW YOU....THEY WILL SCREW YOU LONG AND THEY WILL SCREW YOU HARD.
one day long ago....brandong decided to open a checking account because the people at WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnnn) said it would be a good idea since he was close to going below the minimum balance in his savings account. brandong, being the trusting soul that he is, decided that "hey, this does sound like a good idea" and promptly opened a checking account at WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn)
brandong's checking account was wonderful, it had no minimum balance, and even came with a credit card tied to it for overdraft protection. of course, brandong had no need for a credit card, he just wanted the overdraft protection. so when the credit card came in the mail he simply cut it up and thought nothing of it. what brandong loved most about his new checking account was his debit card. "why" brandong thought "with this, it's like i always have exact change in my wallet" brandong was excited that he now would not have to drain his bank account in increments of $21.75 just so he could buy a pack of smokes.
however, while brandong was happily enjoying his new life, the people at WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) were plotting new ways to destroy him. the credit card that the checking account setup guy told brandong "would only be used as overdraft protection, you don't even have to use the card at all if you don't want to" came with hidden monthly fees that brandong was unaware of. and the bankers at WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) were very tricksy, every month they automatically took 25 dollars out of his checking account to pay for these fees.
now, the end of the school year was fast approaching and brandong had his final paycheck in his hand, it was for a whopping $284.67. however, since brandong was going home to his hawaiian island he decided "nah, i don't think i'll deposit this here, i'll just wait until i get home to put it in my other bank account". what brandong didn't know was that he only had about $30 left in his checking account and another month of hidden fees were about to come by.
brandong loved it at home, he got to see all his friends, and especially he got to see his sister. one day while going out shopping with his sister they went into a shoe store, payless shoe store. his sister found a pretty nice pair of running shoes and went up to the cashier to pay. unfortunatley for her, she only had a $100 bill. the cashier said this was too much money and she couldn't break it.brandong, being the super awesome brother that he is said, "hey don't worry about it, i'll take care of it", and quickly whipped out his debit card and laid it on the table. unaware that he was over drawing his account because the bank had charged him another $25 in monthly fees, brandong paid for the $25 shoes thinking he still had $5 in his account. in reality he had -$20. and so began the summer of woe
this was in july, and since brandong had overdrawn his account he was charged $18 leaving him at -$38. but the evil bankers at WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) weren't finished analy penetrating his checking account agains it's will (or ass raping it if you will) oh no. in august they charged him another $25 dollars for monthly fees which moved him up to -$63 and then charged him agian for overdrawing the account that they overdrew in the first place. which put brandong at -$81. near the end of august the WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuunnnnn) bankers saw it fit to call brandong and let him know about the discrepency in his account. a very nice man called the house that brandong lived in and told him all of the things that WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) had been doing to his bank account. this came as a shock to brandong but he wanted to know what he could do. the man said "well, you could just go to a WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnn) nearby and pay it off" brandong calmly explained that this was not an option as the nerest WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) was probably in california. so then the man said "well, why don't you just get someone who lives in oregon to pay the debt for you and you can pay them back when you get there" to which brandong replied "well now, that doesn't really help my situation, i'll still be in debt, just to someone nicer than you guys" by now the WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnn) representative was getting a bit frusturated so he asked brandong when he'd be back in oregon. brandong said on september 15th he'd be there. so the man said "cool, we'll put a stop on your account and you can pay it when you get there". brandong asked how much he owed and the man said "well with all the charges, overdraft fees and late fees that we've charged you, you're total comes to $120" natuarally brandong was angry, but, what could he do. so he bit the bullet, thanked the man and hung up.
september rolled around and brandong went back to oregon. he was excited because he had a cool new apartment to live in with his best buddy bryan. always responsible, the first thing brandong did when he was in oregon was to go to the bank and pay off his fine. he walked in to the bank and said "i believe i have a fine on my checking account" the lady took his money and that was the end of it......or so brandong thought.
in the middle of october brandong got a letter from a collection agency telling him to call them immedieatly because he hadn't paid off the fines he owed. this confused brandong but also angred him. he decided then and there that WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) was not the bank for him and that he would go that afternoon and cash the check his father sent him and also close both of his accounts.
brandong and bryan went downtown to the bank and brandong went inside. he was excited because with the amount of money his dad sent him plus the amount of money left in his savings account ($120 when he checked it two days before) he would have enough to pay back bryan for rent and everything else. brandong cashed his check and then said he'd like to close his savings and checking accounts. the banker was sad to lose brandong's buisness but went about closing the account. however, instead of the $120 brandong thought he had in his savings account brandong found that the bank had taken $50 out for no real reason....leaving him with only $70 in his account. this bothered brandong but he thought, "that's ok, i'll still have $240 left over to give to bryan for rent and such". but the evil WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnn) bankers weren't through yet. brandong's savings account had been closed successfully, but there was still the matter of his checking account to take care of. brandong wasn't too worried though, after all, he had responsibly paid his fines off in full. unbeknowenst to him though, the evil WELLS FARGO (dun dun duuuunnnnn) bank had charged him another $80 that he had to pay off before closing the account or face a heavy peanalty on his credit line. so brandong bit the bullet and paid the $80 leaving him a paltry sum of $160, less than half of what he owed bryan. brandong, being the spineless jellyfish that he is, hung his head, paid his fees and scampered away with his tail between his legs.
tired, dejected, completly beaten down, but glad enough to just be able to give bryan money, brandong left the bank with less than he expected but glad that he was done with the whole ordeal. later that day brandong found out from one of his classmates that he was actually eligible for food stamps. so he decided on monday to go and apply for food stamps. brandong hoped all his friends would wish him luck and hope that he could get food stamps so that he wouldn't have to fool himself into thinking that watered down ketchup was in reality tomato soup
since this is a fable there is a moral, and that moral is: NEVER OPEN A FUCKING CHECKING ACCOUNT AT WELLS FARGO BANK.....THEY WILL SCREW YOU....THEY WILL SCREW YOU LONG AND THEY WILL SCREW YOU HARD.