The Red Balloon
We all remember this movie, right? I recently introduced my kids to the movie, and bless their little hearts, they watched it start to finish, without a single complaint. I was worried they might not be able to get through it after all the flash bang entertainement they've been exposed to. Raised on Hayao Miyazaki films, and Sean of the Dead, UltraViolet, Tank Girl... just to give you an idea as to what virtues I've wanted them to see.I 've sort of decided that I need to start showing them how things might be when you are so independent of mind. It has a happy ending, but that little boy is'nt treated well. And for no other reason than he has a special friend that has chosen him over the others.
How do you prepare your kids for the turmoils of social interaction? They do'nt get to see a lot of positive interaction in the home, as Mother works nights and is constantly angry at everyone in the house. Dad tends to withdraw away from everyone when the storm starts to hit, coming out to clean up the emotional debris after it's passed. It's better than watching his waters becomes waves that crash on the shore, adding to the fury and destruction of an event that we have all come to accept as inevitable. The nights Mom's in a good mood, there's bubbles and excitement in the air, a flurry of attention grabbing acrobatics and shows of physical prowess, secret projects long labored on appear from crevices and crannies that you would never know existed. All of this attention sometimes acts like a rain dance though,so all of this activity has the delicacy and tension of a 50 yard dash where to win the race you cant crush the eggshells you find strewn across the track. You wouldnt believe the looks on their faces when that storm catches them unawares. Then again, maybe you would.
I know that their difference has already started them out on a bad foot in school. Academics are no issue for either of the little ones. Socialy, crying after they get home is a regular issue. One of them is admittedly a mean little cuss, she yells, bosses, pushes and demands from all the kids around her. Her, I tell "You get what you give." Not always so simply, or coldly, but it is what she needs to hear I guess. I cant tell her that she's being picked on without cause, I know better, and to support her hurt feelings with out showing her part in it...thats bad parenting.
The other, a ray of sunshine and hope, made of stainless steel lace, a vocabulary to shame most high school graduates, and the energy of a small nuclear submarine... she also has her issues. She's just plain wierd, finishes peoples sentences for them, a heavy interest in all things odd and strange. She spent a week examining hagfish. Have you ever seen or heard of a hagfish? Look it up. Insects, bodily functions, organs, the grosser the better. Cross breed that with a love of fairies, Barbie,Hello Kitty, makes for an odd kid. The A.D.D. doesnt help none either. I dont know what to tell her most times. I can see why kids treat her poorly, but I also cant tell her that an interest in reading, science and biology is bad. I work mostly on the "un-acceptable" behaviors, the ones society has deemed too childlike for children, that are exhorted as the norm in every sappy family film ever, but then in the school system and social environment, are like a sort of leprosy.
I know we all have trials and tribulations growing up. But here for me, it's particularly painful. I never had the type of life my children do, I was raised by the State from age 9, and it's best not to talk about before that period, as it would piss off me, and a few other people. I learned that knocking down a fella was the best way to deal with an issue, and most of my "teachers" would turn a blind eye to it, because they knew that when their back was turned, it was Lord of The Flies and fuck any one who didnt believe it. I dont know from the heart the right thing to do is. As far as my heart tells me, my aggressive child has the right tactic, beat em up, knock em down, and give em a kick to make sure they know who's boss. It also leads to jail time, gang involvement, drugs, guns, possible federal time... all the things I'm lucky to have gotten out of. No way in hell I want my kids going through that. My "good" parenting skills are my mind looking at a desired behavior, and finding ways to bring that out of my kids. My ideals on what that should be: episodes of 7th heaven. I never had a family to speak of, not one in my life actually. So what the hell do I do here? The best I can. I've heard the platitudes that parents all do the best they can when they love their children, but coming from such a vaccum of parental guidance in my own life, I always feel like I'm falling short somehow. I know parents make mistakes in raising their children, but without a bar to set my standard to, is my exposure to 80's and 90's sitcom going to be enough to get my kids the love attention and life lessons they need?
Now I'm just asking questions. I need to come up with the answers, and I'm afraid this may be one of the mysterys of the new age: With so many adults now trying to raise children after seeing what it was like to have absentee parents, where does he standard come from, and how do we know when we've met it?