future butterflies
I am incredibly frustrated.
Why do people know what they are going to do with their lives? Why do they have things mapped out so finely, are so sure of themselves? I am so very lost. I feel helpless about the direction of my life.
Quite frankly...I am really scared. You would think 21 years of experience in the world, living, breathing, confronting problems (or running away from them) would give us some sort of guide as to what we should be doing. But here I am, a senior in College, and I don't have a clue as to what is going on. Work seems to be attracted to me like venereal diseases to a seaport prostitute. And yet, I have no motivation. I tell myself "tomorrow, tomorrow." I should be on a online network for employment recruitment, but I am not. My roomates did this 2 years ago. Career fair is on Thursday.
I was looking over a particular roomates resume, and although she is definitely not representative of the SU undergraduate body as a whole, I felt extremely stupid looking at it. What have I been doing with my life? Playing guitar? Writing stupid lyrics and shitty poetry? Generally being a waste.
I just wish I didn't HAVE to try. I know that that is a whiny thing to say, but succeeding takes so much effort and I just find myself to be a rather apathetic and listless person at times. Especially at times when I need to NOT be that way.
Hopefully I can straighten this shit out in the next few days. If I don't fail out of my stats class first. I don't feel as though this will be a very enjoyable week, or semester, or year for that matter.
I need to get more sleep.
Why do people know what they are going to do with their lives? Why do they have things mapped out so finely, are so sure of themselves? I am so very lost. I feel helpless about the direction of my life.
Quite frankly...I am really scared. You would think 21 years of experience in the world, living, breathing, confronting problems (or running away from them) would give us some sort of guide as to what we should be doing. But here I am, a senior in College, and I don't have a clue as to what is going on. Work seems to be attracted to me like venereal diseases to a seaport prostitute. And yet, I have no motivation. I tell myself "tomorrow, tomorrow." I should be on a online network for employment recruitment, but I am not. My roomates did this 2 years ago. Career fair is on Thursday.
I was looking over a particular roomates resume, and although she is definitely not representative of the SU undergraduate body as a whole, I felt extremely stupid looking at it. What have I been doing with my life? Playing guitar? Writing stupid lyrics and shitty poetry? Generally being a waste.
I just wish I didn't HAVE to try. I know that that is a whiny thing to say, but succeeding takes so much effort and I just find myself to be a rather apathetic and listless person at times. Especially at times when I need to NOT be that way.
Hopefully I can straighten this shit out in the next few days. If I don't fail out of my stats class first. I don't feel as though this will be a very enjoyable week, or semester, or year for that matter.
I need to get more sleep.