here i am again lost in thoughts
so ive really been considering seeing a therapist for my own messed up mind. although it may seem like i can keep it together, it guess im pretty unstable. People should be able to make decisions without having to obsess over them for days, creating new twists and turns in the plot. I might as well just hope that you had stayed online tonight to wait for me to sign on. I'm gonna chalk it up to coincidence though that you were on for 6 hours, and then 2 mins after i sign on, you sign off. I know you need to get up early tomorrow. I'm thinking way to selfishly to think that you could still want me. I still want you, but I can't figure out why I don't want you as well. We never fought (maybe this is why), you were always so accepting and trusting of me (maybe this is why), but i feel like you never wanted to know what was going on in my head enough.
Then again, if you had wanted to, what would I have said then? Would I have shrugged it off as nothing and continued to stew? Would you believe me and carry on with your day, or would you see through my lies and make me tell you. I want you to make me tell you. I can't let it be easy to share my emotions, but I can't be there waiting for them to boil over and have them spill all over you. I wanted to make things work, but I need you to work me, I need you to press me, I need you to show me that you do care about my feelings just as I do to you. anyone can tell you that you are loved, and anyone can tell you that they love you, but it's only words until you can make it connect on some deeper level. It's only words until we can find a way to communicate without using ...... .. . . .
Then again, if you had wanted to, what would I have said then? Would I have shrugged it off as nothing and continued to stew? Would you believe me and carry on with your day, or would you see through my lies and make me tell you. I want you to make me tell you. I can't let it be easy to share my emotions, but I can't be there waiting for them to boil over and have them spill all over you. I wanted to make things work, but I need you to work me, I need you to press me, I need you to show me that you do care about my feelings just as I do to you. anyone can tell you that you are loved, and anyone can tell you that they love you, but it's only words until you can make it connect on some deeper level. It's only words until we can find a way to communicate without using ...... .. . . .