JoY BeGeTs PaiN...
so i was so happy for a while, there was a person i really cared for and still do, except now i cant talk with her, and i never see her. its hurts...i mean it really does... i hate that people think ALL guys only think about sex.. grantyed many do, but there are some of that actualy have this thing called morals and actualy are willing to and are waithing till they get arried to do that.. im so tired of hearing that i wanted to date her becuase since im older i culd manipulate her.. thats bullshit.. and if u think thats somethign i would do.then u dont know me and fuck it..i am not trying to sound prideful, i dont understand it myself i dont see me as being atractive at all but apparently there are those who dissagree with me... and if sex is all i wanted i def know some girls that are 18 that i could just go have sex with and there wouldnt be a problem, but i dont, because thats not what i want...im sry that i actualy care about someone and want to have a relationship with them that doesnt consist of mindless sex... im so tired of people and their bullshit.. and im so tired of being happy and having it ripped away from me and it kills me more each time this time being by far the worst.. i havent slept'eaten regrrly since all this and my grades are dying with my heart.. im willing to wait till shes 18 if thats what i have to do.. i really care about her and worry about her all the time... what ever happened to tryign to build relationships with people, actualy caring about a person and not just in it for mortal pleasures.. gah... im so tired of it... she cut herself again and i was so mad... i hate that.. im so tired of people telling her she is hit and worht nothing.. "joking" or not i dont give a fuck they all need to shut the hell up... cause i think she believes them. and its not true..
on a lighter note picked up jeromy and we went to see showbread last night and did some harcore to release some of my emotions.. i was pretty much the only one throghout the night dancing, people would join in here and there, but i kept going... i had to.. was an awesome show... my fist is still swollen fromt eh last show but it has gone down a lot.. didnt hit anything/one this time didnt want to make it worse... screamed a long withshowebread was fun.. peopel prob thought i was nuts but i dont care... was fun...
Peace and Love.. God Bless,
sEaN