My return to LiveJournal!
So, I used to have a livejournal when I was at University, and I really enjoyed it and reading others'. I have since totally forgotten wht the name of it was. So I'm just starting new. although I'm kind of curious to read back just to see how much I've changed...or how much I'm the same.
I went to a my cousin, Jennifer's wedding today. You know what's weird? I have difficulty finding things to talk about with my family. maybe it's the weird dynamic. the whole "I've known you all my life but feel like I hardly know you because I moved around so much when I was younger" and the feeling that the rest of them seem to be close and know each other pretty well. I think I just feel like there's things I should be talking about, I just don't know what those things are, or I'll ask questions about things that I should know because everybody else does and then just feel really awkward. I actually really like my family, but I worry that they don't think so, and I come off as stuck up or something. They are very accepting and kind people with fun and varying personalities. I don't think I enjoy them enough, and I can't quite pinpoint what my deal is here. I can hold a conversation, I just can't start one. It was a nice wedding, although I probably would have enjoyed it more and been more happy for them if I'd actually met the guy. I've seen him from across the room several times, but I've never actually met him.
I know that in pretty much every aspect of my life, I just need to relax and cool it and not stress out so much. I wish my anxiety had a meter that I could turn down, or just turn off. Some sort of de-panic button that I could push when I have internal freak-outs at totally unneccesary times would also be helpful.