In the land of bad gripes where fillyjonks live
Looking through old profile pictures is strange. I didn't realise that I used to look like that. Who was that?
Colour me uncertain. Pleasure doesn't really matter. Pain is annoying but I've gotten used to its cycles so that I don't care about it all that much anymore. Friends are nice but I think I've forgotten how to have them. Food seems bland, although making food is an efficient way to pass the time. I used to buy things to see if they would make me feel slightly more worthwhile but, meh, that didn't work. Thinking about future happiness or love or security or whathaveyou is pointless because they are rather pointless. I don't want to be especially good or especially bad but hanging out in this everyday limbo, not striving for anything, is mind-numbing.
Or mind-dumbing.
Or just making me feel sick and lazy.
At least the yoga makes me bendy and again it's an efficient way to pass the time. And I can pretend for a while like I care, just a little.
However, I am certain as a canary on two points:
First, I want to be able to provide for Alice.
Second, I want to get out of this godforsaken house.
Colour me uncertain. Pleasure doesn't really matter. Pain is annoying but I've gotten used to its cycles so that I don't care about it all that much anymore. Friends are nice but I think I've forgotten how to have them. Food seems bland, although making food is an efficient way to pass the time. I used to buy things to see if they would make me feel slightly more worthwhile but, meh, that didn't work. Thinking about future happiness or love or security or whathaveyou is pointless because they are rather pointless. I don't want to be especially good or especially bad but hanging out in this everyday limbo, not striving for anything, is mind-numbing.
Or mind-dumbing.
Or just making me feel sick and lazy.
At least the yoga makes me bendy and again it's an efficient way to pass the time. And I can pretend for a while like I care, just a little.
However, I am certain as a canary on two points:
First, I want to be able to provide for Alice.
Second, I want to get out of this godforsaken house.