the end of zoloft
today i go to see my dr. and talk to her about how i'm doing since i stopped taking zoloft. i'm going to tell her that i'm doing better. better than i was during the period of time that i decreased my meds. better than the week and a half after i stopped taking them completely. i feel my life is uninterrupted by the symptoms of withdrawal i was having. i still feel funny eye wiggles every now and then, and my eyes still twitch almost every day, but mostly when i'm getting tired and it's time for bed anyway...
it was a BITCH though, getting through that month or so, a month of crying and being very very angry that i had to feel all that bullshit (my eyes, my head, my stomach), so much a bitch that i'm not sure it was worth it to even get on the med in the first place- not that i can turn back the clock, but here is my idea: two years passed while i was taking 100 milligrams of zoloft for depression and mild anxiety. i was 22 when i started. i'm wondering, how much of my present "healthy" state of mind is by the assistance of this drug, and how much is just the way that i coped with my life? how can i measure now how i would have matured into an adult without the aid of sertraline? especially when i take into consideration my previous statement: most of the time i took the pill so i could avoid the sensations of withdrawal; and my new statement: there was added anxiety and mounting depression through feelings of guilt for missing a dose or not taking it at the right time!.. just another thing to worry about!
i know i have emotional issues, and they require a shitload of checks and balances on my part. i know i was ready to go through that month of added hell because my situation had changed: the environment i live in is a thousand times better now than when i was 22, and life gave me the light to see that i am a strong human, worthy of more than i put up with (meaning basically my own expectations and requirements and anxieties, not to mention other people's bullshit and negativity).
---I Am Ready To Live.---> I Am Living. <---I Will Have Lived.---
it was a BITCH though, getting through that month or so, a month of crying and being very very angry that i had to feel all that bullshit (my eyes, my head, my stomach), so much a bitch that i'm not sure it was worth it to even get on the med in the first place- not that i can turn back the clock, but here is my idea: two years passed while i was taking 100 milligrams of zoloft for depression and mild anxiety. i was 22 when i started. i'm wondering, how much of my present "healthy" state of mind is by the assistance of this drug, and how much is just the way that i coped with my life? how can i measure now how i would have matured into an adult without the aid of sertraline? especially when i take into consideration my previous statement: most of the time i took the pill so i could avoid the sensations of withdrawal; and my new statement: there was added anxiety and mounting depression through feelings of guilt for missing a dose or not taking it at the right time!.. just another thing to worry about!
i know i have emotional issues, and they require a shitload of checks and balances on my part. i know i was ready to go through that month of added hell because my situation had changed: the environment i live in is a thousand times better now than when i was 22, and life gave me the light to see that i am a strong human, worthy of more than i put up with (meaning basically my own expectations and requirements and anxieties, not to mention other people's bullshit and negativity).
---I Am Ready To Live.---> I Am Living. <---I Will Have Lived.---