The Deens Legacy 7.3
So I'm back after my extended absence. Again, my apologies for all up and disappearing on you guys! Let's see if I can remember where we left off.
Last time on The Deens, Sam was the paragon of parenting and took his kids to crash a party at Thomas's request. Bertram the Butler had joined the household and began to bring in extra income by joining the stylist career. Thomas decided the boys should form a band, and thus Shit Out of Luck, Ringo was born. Van still made no friends.
GO!
In case you have forgotten, left to right the boys are Uriah, Van, and Thomas.
Van: You know, we should really do our homework, you guys.
Thomas: We should probably do our homework, you guys! Let me tell you all the things wrong with that. ONE, we are going to be rock stars. TWO, rock stars DO NOT DO HOMEWORK. We only need to know how to make sweet riffs and how to jam tenderly...
Uriah: This... is making me kind of uncomfortable.
Back at home, Bertram was in high spirits. Today was Sam's birthday. Today, Sam would be leaving the responsibility-free shores of young adult hood. Today, he would become a responsible man! At least, he would take responsibility if Bertram had anything to say about it.
Sam: Bertie! Come play games with me. It's my birthday, so you have to.
Bertram: Samuel, you didn't buy this for the boys, did you? Good heavens! That man just shot that other man!
Sam: Yeah, it's pretty cool. I know.
Bertram: I would like to have a conversation with you about these games...
Sam: HELLO. BIRTHDAY.
Bertram: ... but I guess it can wait until another time.
Bertram: And speaking of birthdays, I have an action packed day lined up for us today. You will not be wasting the entire day inside in front of the television!
Sam: Aw, man. Ok, whatever. I will play your little game, Bertie. But just know that I am on to you.
Bertie: I assure you, I have nothing nefarious in mind, Samuel. Now please, come and get dressed, and we'll be on our way.
Sam: What, we're leaving now? But I'm in the middle of...
Sam: Oh, I see, Bertie. I see. So this was your plan all along. Well, I refuse to get dressed. I will wear my swimsuit all the time, and no one can stop me. I will not wear pants!
Noble: Ah, Bertram! You actually got him to move away from the television!
Sam: Mother?
Noble: Bertram may make a respectable man out of you yet, dear!
Sam: You... were in on this, too, mother? Truly, I am outnumbered. Very well. I give in.
Bertram: This is a start. It's certainly an improvement over before since you are wearing pants as well as a jacket. However, we will be visiting an establishment that has a strict dress code, and we will need to make some improvements.
Sam: But I have on my classy glasses! That should do it, right?
Bertram: Not exactly. How should I put this so that you will understand, Samuel? You will need to look less party, and more business.
Sam: Well, that doesn't sound fun! You want me to look like a suit at a corporation? "Please don't fire me, Mr. Deens! I need this job to pay my bills!" "No can do, Mr. Green. I am all business and no party. I do not understand compassion."
Bertram: Samuel, please get in the car. We are going to the salon, and I am going to buy you a proper suit.
And so they drove into town.
Sam: I think that sandwich truck is following us, Bertie.
Bertram: Samuel...
Sam: It got on the highway right after us!
Bertram: It is just going back into town, Samuel.
Sam: Well, I hope it's following us.
On the way into Bridgeport, they passed by City Hall where Karst had just been elected Leader of the Free World. Go, Karst!
Bertram: Blue hair, blue glasses, blue suit. There's just too much blue.
Sam: But blue is a nice color.
Bertram: Just try on this other suit and see what you think.
Sam: Woah! I really do look snappy! This is awesome. You are a genius, Bertie!
Bertram: I do what I can. Now, let's hurry to the stadium so we don't miss the game.
And go to the stadium they did. As with most games for the team in Bridgeport, it was a nail-biter that no one will remember between two teams that nobody really cares about.
Bertram: ...I have never been so embarassed in my entire life.
Sam: What do you mean, Bertie?
Bertram: The peanuts.
Sam: Yeah, they were pretty good, weren't they?
Bertram: Most people do not eat them by sticking their face in the bag, Samuel.
Sam: What?! Were they raised in barns? Barbarians!
Bertram: Let's just move on to the night club, shall we?
Once they got to the club, Bertram ordered the drinks while Sam used the boys room.
(If I had a lady up for heir right now, I would so go after Bartender McHottie. But, alas.)
The bartender read Bertram like a book and made them ~romance drinks~.
Bertram: Ah-hem. Here you go, Samuel.
Sam: This drink has a heart shaped stick in it!
Bertram: Yes, ah-ha. How novel.
Bartender: Don't mind me. You two have fun.
Bartender: I'll just hide under the bar. Pretend like I'm not here.
Sam: Bertie! Hey, Bertie! It's a hot tub! Come join me!
Sam: I am glad you brought me out today. This was a nice date.
Bertram: I am surprised that you figured out my real plan after all, but thanks to the drinks, I find myself not caring.
Sam: Come on, Bertie. I'm not as naive and innocent as you think.
Sam: I'm not... as innocent as you think?
Back at the house, Alexander has come out of his grave and refuses to go back. Of course, this means that everything around the house is always broken. He can break things by staring at them.
Thomas had come to a realization that many boys come to at a certain age. He had decided that girls were pretty neat and perhaps he would like to get to know some of them better.
Thomas: Van, I have a plan. This plan may end up with you not being alone and desperate for the rest of your life, so listen up. You, Uriah, and myself will go to the overlook. We will play our music. Ladies will swoon. The end.
Van: Ladies will swoon! I like the sound of this, Tom. Maybe I'll be even more of a lady-killer than Grandpa Karst! Maybe I should grow a moustache!
Thomas: No way. You are nowhere near cool enough for any facial hair, let alone a 'stache. And please, keep your awkwardness to a minimum while we are out. I would rather you not scare off everyone.
Van: Don't be myself. Got it.
However, their plan was interrupted by Karst who heard his name and "killing" in the same sentence, realized he was 114 days old, and decided that it was about time to kick the bucket.
Karst: The music! It's so beautiful!
The rest of the house was unaware that Karst had passed, though, because they were too busy watching Noble lecture Thomas.
Noble: He is your brother, and you will treat him as such! I do not want to hear you belittle him again. I do not want to hear you imply that he will be alone for the rest of his life. Do you understand me?
Thomas: I got it, grandma. I got it.
Uriah: I will remember this glorious moment forever~
Noble: Who are you? Wait, where is Karst? Oh, no! Karst, my love!
Death: Hey, you're pretty fine! And you're single now, right? Or is it too soon for you? Yeah, it's too soon for you.
Noble: I WILL END YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU LOVE.
Death: Are you gonna end this sink? Cause that's a pretty nice sink, and I think I may love it.
Uriah: Hey, where's grandpa?
Noble: Your grandpa is dead. Now, FIND YOUR FATHER AND TELL HIM TO GET HIS ASS DOWNSTAIRS. I don't care what you tell him to get it through that thick skull of his!
Uriah: I'll tell him that you need him for video games.
Noble: Karst, my love, you will be avenged.
Noble: Ah, Bertram. I am glad you are here. Grab a controller. My idiot son should be here any minute. And weren't you two out late last night!
Bertram: Yes, Mrs. Deens. We went out to quite the classy establishment and had some wonderful cocktails. Er, shrimp cocktails.
Sam: Yeah, we went out and got pretty blasted and made out in the hot tub and-
Bertram: Your mother doesn't need to hear all the details, Samuel.
Noble: Well I am glad that you finally made him a man, Bertram, but while you two were sleeping it off, Karst died.
Sam: Ah. Dad died.
Bertram: Mr. Deens died?! Oh, this is terrible! He had just been elected to Leader of the Free World! He had so much left to live for!
Noble: I know, Bertram. It is utterly ridiculous. Also, that bastard Death hit on me, and I will not be made a fool of.
Noble: But I need you to promise me something, Bertram. Promise me that when I am gone, you will look after Sam. He will be the head of this house, and Lyle knows he can't look after himself.
Bertram: Of course I will, Mrs. Deens, but of course you will live for a long time to come, I am sure. Right?
Noble: Perfect! Now, leave us, Bertram. I need to discuss some things with my idiot son. Get over here and sit by your mother, Sam.
Noble: Now, son. When it is my time to go, Death will surely show up to take me. I need you to listen carefully. DON'T LOOK AT THE TV. Now, when Death comes to take me, I want you to kill him. Can you do this for your poor old mother?
Sam: But, he's Death, right? Doesn't that mean he can't be killed?
Noble: Since when did you get logical? Bertram has certainly made a gentleman out of you!
Noble: But seriously, I don't care what you do. You're good at blowing things up. Try- NOW IS NOT THE TIME, ALEXANDER.
Sam: Bertie, I am really upset about Dad.
Sam: Bertie, where do Leaders of the Free World go when they die? They can't go back to the Buttles factory like you. Is there another place that they go?
Bertram: I... believe it's the great White House in the Sky, Samuel.
Sam: Wow. That doesn't sound so bad, then!
Bertram: I suppose it does not. Could you excuse me for a moment? I feel kind of odd.
Bertram: No! I'm not ready to go back to the Buttles factory!
Bertram: Oh, well it's a relief that I am not dead, but... *sigh*
Meanwhile...
Noble: Karst, now you will be avenged!
Sam: Mother! Are we doing this now?
Sam: But wait! I'm not ready! Mooooom.
Noble: Wait! No, please. I'll do anything. I just NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME FOR MY SON. Augh, nevermind. Just go ahead and take me.
Sam: Did you... just kill my mother?
Death: I am Death. I don't kill. I just happen. And now, my work here is done. I'll see you later, I am sure.
Sam: But, wait! I need to explode you! I-
Sam: No! I am sorry, mother! I failed!
Sam: You know what will cheer you up, Sam! Exploding things! There's no need to waste a perfectly good detonator!
Sam: Aw man, this is going to be so boss!
Sam: ...
Bertram: Sam, what are you doing? You can't blow up something indoors. I heard about what happened last time. Please deactivate the device.
Sam: *sigh* Fine.
Alexander: Well, that was boring.
Thomas: Dad, what are you doing in here? I'm trying to sleep.
Alexander: Well, aren't you are just a failure at everything you do, Sam Deens! I am ashamed that you are carrying on the family name.
Thomas: Are you done now? Can I sleep in peace now?
Sam: ...Yes, Thomas. I'm done.
Sam: Now what is it that Bertie always tells me to say to myself when things go wrong? "Look at your life, Samuel. Look at your choices."
And now Karst and Noble are buried outside with the rest of the family. I am sure we haven't seen the last of them.
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Before I disappeared, I had promised that this update would be about the boys finding ~love~. However, that will be next update. I ended up with over 200 screenshots to go through, so I split them into two separate updates. I already have the ladies picked out and most of the screenshots for 7.4, so there should be another update in a couple of days!