Parabol
Well... It's pretty definative, now isn't it... Nothing to talk about until something goes wrong... 3.5 but dropping...
Things just seem to be stacking up to defeat me as of late... I still have no job, the landlord is trying to evict us the 15th of May (Just in time for my birthday, of course), I was robbed at the threat of gunpoint for $40 and a phone, and now Amanda and I have broken up... Let's just break this apart into manageable chunks, shall we...?
I still have no job: It's been almost a solid year since I was fired from Sam's, and I'm still out of luck for employment. I've tried at numerous places multiple times, and I've yet to have any results. I really can't blame them, being a 20yo Highschool Dropout with no GED and a record of 2 Jobs (One quit without 2-Weeks Notice and the other Terminated)... Not to mention that i'm smack in the middle of Dayton. The job market here is flooded with people looking for jobs, without enough jobs to actually provide for them. It's not a nice area for someone like me, but to get out of it, paradoxically, I need funds to save up for a move...
Landlord is trying to evict us: Apparently, or lease did not renew despite the fact that it says in our contract that it 'Automatically Renews Unless Canceled By The Tenant'. This was apparently a lie, so I've suddenly developed the urge to start putting Molotov Cocktails together and paying Dan a visit. He's been nothing but a shady slumlord since we moved in, sneaking into the units while no one is around, leaving electrical fixtures wonky and generally being a criminal. The windows in here aren't up to fire-code, and he hasn't updated the electrical system since the 20s. The outlets aren't even grounded...
I was robbed: Walking back from the UDF with Toilet-Paper, a Box of Pop Tarts and $40 for Elzey/McKittrick to give to her husband to buy diapers, I was robbed by two fuckers on bikes. They pulled up along side of me as I was walking and told me to empty out my pockets lest they pull their 'Straps'... I doubt they actually had a gun, but I wasn't in the mood to exactly find out... They ended up taking the $40 and Karu's Cell Phone, and even the damn pop-tarts...
Amanda and I have broken up: With her parents urging her to dump me, and stress building up in her life, the last thing she needs are my problems to worry about. Her parents don't like me because they feel I don't care enough about myself... Which is true... But they feel that not caring about myself means that I don't care about Amanda, which couldn't be further from the truth... I care so much for her that it physically hurts me to let her go. Unfortunately, the world seems to think that it's for the better that we split. She doesn't need my dead-weight pulling her down. She needs someone who can take care of her and provide for her and give her everything she wants. I'm just not qualified to be that person, according to her parents, and recently according to the voice creeping into the back of my mind... It's difficult, though. I want to be with her, and I want to comfort her, and I want to make her happy, but I'm afraid that if I see her, I'm not going to be able to maintain my discipline... I'm just divided as to what I want... I want what's better for her, but on a more selfish level, I just want to be with her. In all honesty, I'm beginning to doubt that breaking up is the best thing for her right now. Her mother just had a seizure, so what she needs now is stability... I want to go back to her and take her and hold her, but I don't want to put her through that kind of roller-coaster effect...
I've just been so depressed lately, seeing this force seem to sweep in and cut me down. I've really had my options cut short by recent events, and I just can't see this one 'working out'. I'm afraid, and acting incredibly stupid despite people trying to help me... Unfortunately, I appear to have burned all of my bridges...
Blessed. Something Familiar and Overwhelmingly Warm...
Things just seem to be stacking up to defeat me as of late... I still have no job, the landlord is trying to evict us the 15th of May (Just in time for my birthday, of course), I was robbed at the threat of gunpoint for $40 and a phone, and now Amanda and I have broken up... Let's just break this apart into manageable chunks, shall we...?
I still have no job: It's been almost a solid year since I was fired from Sam's, and I'm still out of luck for employment. I've tried at numerous places multiple times, and I've yet to have any results. I really can't blame them, being a 20yo Highschool Dropout with no GED and a record of 2 Jobs (One quit without 2-Weeks Notice and the other Terminated)... Not to mention that i'm smack in the middle of Dayton. The job market here is flooded with people looking for jobs, without enough jobs to actually provide for them. It's not a nice area for someone like me, but to get out of it, paradoxically, I need funds to save up for a move...
Landlord is trying to evict us: Apparently, or lease did not renew despite the fact that it says in our contract that it 'Automatically Renews Unless Canceled By The Tenant'. This was apparently a lie, so I've suddenly developed the urge to start putting Molotov Cocktails together and paying Dan a visit. He's been nothing but a shady slumlord since we moved in, sneaking into the units while no one is around, leaving electrical fixtures wonky and generally being a criminal. The windows in here aren't up to fire-code, and he hasn't updated the electrical system since the 20s. The outlets aren't even grounded...
I was robbed: Walking back from the UDF with Toilet-Paper, a Box of Pop Tarts and $40 for Elzey/McKittrick to give to her husband to buy diapers, I was robbed by two fuckers on bikes. They pulled up along side of me as I was walking and told me to empty out my pockets lest they pull their 'Straps'... I doubt they actually had a gun, but I wasn't in the mood to exactly find out... They ended up taking the $40 and Karu's Cell Phone, and even the damn pop-tarts...
Amanda and I have broken up: With her parents urging her to dump me, and stress building up in her life, the last thing she needs are my problems to worry about. Her parents don't like me because they feel I don't care enough about myself... Which is true... But they feel that not caring about myself means that I don't care about Amanda, which couldn't be further from the truth... I care so much for her that it physically hurts me to let her go. Unfortunately, the world seems to think that it's for the better that we split. She doesn't need my dead-weight pulling her down. She needs someone who can take care of her and provide for her and give her everything she wants. I'm just not qualified to be that person, according to her parents, and recently according to the voice creeping into the back of my mind... It's difficult, though. I want to be with her, and I want to comfort her, and I want to make her happy, but I'm afraid that if I see her, I'm not going to be able to maintain my discipline... I'm just divided as to what I want... I want what's better for her, but on a more selfish level, I just want to be with her. In all honesty, I'm beginning to doubt that breaking up is the best thing for her right now. Her mother just had a seizure, so what she needs now is stability... I want to go back to her and take her and hold her, but I don't want to put her through that kind of roller-coaster effect...
I've just been so depressed lately, seeing this force seem to sweep in and cut me down. I've really had my options cut short by recent events, and I just can't see this one 'working out'. I'm afraid, and acting incredibly stupid despite people trying to help me... Unfortunately, I appear to have burned all of my bridges...
Blessed. Something Familiar and Overwhelmingly Warm...