a bit about me
Recent events have made me think a lot about the past and who i was and who i am now, and it's a long time since i wrote here so i thought i'd share it:
When I was little I was very shy and very unconfident. I was very small size and everyone was taller. It was impossible for me to stay still because of the hyper thing. People laughed at me and I got bullied. I hated school and I hated leaving our house. I cried every day. My parents and the school were very worried and I saw a psychologist. I don’t remember much about it but she made me feel better about myself and what I did was to make myself pretend that other people were laughing with me and not at me, and that made me start to become funny so that in the end people actually did laugh with me and people who hated me started to like me and feel protective. I think that’s why I have a sharp sense of humour and I say things sometimes before I think, because the way I did it was to get in first with a joke or stupid comment before someone did it to me.
After that (to cut a long story short) I found I liked and was good at football and acting and obviously they made me friends too. Now I am a leader I suppose instead of the shy guy who didn’t want to be noticed. If you think I am vain, that probably explains it. But underneath part of me is still the insecure little boy and I think you maybe can see that sometimes if you think about it.
So basically I had to fight to become what I am now, to make myself become it. That’s why I don’t bully, because I know what it feels like and I get mad when I see it happening. People come to me for help sometimes and I am used to giving advice. Bullies are scared of me because when I get mad I explode. “In your face” is the expression I think - I face them down. Some friends call me Torito, which means Little Bull. They say that when I stare someone down I am terrifying, and it’s true that other people always look away before I do and that’s when I know I have won. I only once had a fight and the guy ended in hospital, which I am ashamed of because I lost self-control and that was weak - but it made people respect me, maybe a little bit afraid too. They don’t mess with me now, or my friends or the people I help.
I am now a strong person I think and when bad things happen I tell myself it is all experience and they make me be stronger.
When I was little I was very shy and very unconfident. I was very small size and everyone was taller. It was impossible for me to stay still because of the hyper thing. People laughed at me and I got bullied. I hated school and I hated leaving our house. I cried every day. My parents and the school were very worried and I saw a psychologist. I don’t remember much about it but she made me feel better about myself and what I did was to make myself pretend that other people were laughing with me and not at me, and that made me start to become funny so that in the end people actually did laugh with me and people who hated me started to like me and feel protective. I think that’s why I have a sharp sense of humour and I say things sometimes before I think, because the way I did it was to get in first with a joke or stupid comment before someone did it to me.
After that (to cut a long story short) I found I liked and was good at football and acting and obviously they made me friends too. Now I am a leader I suppose instead of the shy guy who didn’t want to be noticed. If you think I am vain, that probably explains it. But underneath part of me is still the insecure little boy and I think you maybe can see that sometimes if you think about it.
So basically I had to fight to become what I am now, to make myself become it. That’s why I don’t bully, because I know what it feels like and I get mad when I see it happening. People come to me for help sometimes and I am used to giving advice. Bullies are scared of me because when I get mad I explode. “In your face” is the expression I think - I face them down. Some friends call me Torito, which means Little Bull. They say that when I stare someone down I am terrifying, and it’s true that other people always look away before I do and that’s when I know I have won. I only once had a fight and the guy ended in hospital, which I am ashamed of because I lost self-control and that was weak - but it made people respect me, maybe a little bit afraid too. They don’t mess with me now, or my friends or the people I help.
I am now a strong person I think and when bad things happen I tell myself it is all experience and they make me be stronger.